


She Comes And Goes As She Pleases

by BrDPirateMan



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Ecchi, F/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2019-09-14 20:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 53,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16920057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrDPirateMan/pseuds/BrDPirateMan
Summary: Neku's life turns upside-down when he falls in love with Eri, the most eccentric girl in Shibuya. He's an everydude with a knack for deadpan snarking. And she's the flirty wisecracker who loves using her sex appeal to tease him 24/7. Odd couple? You bet. Get ready for a fun and sexy romantic comedy where their growing relationship is proof that opposites DO attract!





	1. Every Weird Friendship Has a Beginning

She took a deep breath to take in the aroma of the kitchen.

“Mmmm… Nothing like the scent of a good breakfast in the morning.”

At that time I was busy cooking at the stove. “Oh, ‘morning,” I mumbled over my shoulder. “Slept well, Eri?”

With shocking gracelessness she ruffled her unruly pink locks. “Eh, kinda. But the hangover is terrible.” She slumped in a seat at the kitchen table, groaning and clutching her head. I took five seconds off the stove to pour her a glass of water, which she graciously took and gulped down in one go.

“Is it very bad?” I asked, returning to the miso soup that was simmering.

“Well, you know how hangovers are like, Neku. Ain’t the prettiest thing ever.”

“If you’re not a fan of splitting headaches,” I muttered flatly, “then just stop drinking.”

Eri grumbled and made a face. “Don’t wanna… Beer tastes great. You should try it too.”

“Nah, I’ll pass.” Now, how was the soup? I took a clean spoon and scooped some up to taste. It was perfect. “Hey, breakfast is gonna be ready in a few. Why don’t you go freshen yourself – ”

I was startled to see that she had sidled up right beside me, gazing at the soup and sniffing at the wonderful briny smell. Her eyes were closed as she took it into her system to appreciate the scent, and judging from the smile on her lips, she liked the way the soup had turned out.

“Miso soup today?” she breathed. “My favourite. You sure know how to cook ‘em, Neku.”

It was nice getting positive feedback on my cooking, but…

“Um, l-like I said,” I coughed, “breakfast will be ready in a bit, so why don’t you go and freshen yourself up… And while you’re at it, put on some clothes, will you?”

The whole time we were talking, Eri was clad in only her underwear. It’s a habit of hers to take her clothes off before she goes to sleep; goodness knows why. But like so many mornings after, having gotten up straight from bed, she would absent-mindedly walk around in practically nothing. The kitchen was hardly the place to appear in just a bra and panties, but… that’s exactly what she did. And no matter how many times I had seen this, it was still distracting at best.

She glanced down at herself but hardly showed any signs of surprise, if at all. In her life, such a thing was common. Her only reply was a cheeky one, “Well I’ll be darned, I forgot to get dressed.”

As she shuffled in the direction of the bathroom, cursing and clutching her painful head, I called out, “Towel’s in the usual place. And your clothes are in there too, washed and ironed.”

“Washed and ironed? Thanks! You’re awesome, Neku!” Hmmm, in a good mood today as usual, was she? “I’ll join you for breakfast after my shower, so wait for me, ‘kay? And Neku…”

I turned back and leaned to look into the small hallway where her head was poking out of the bathroom door. “Yes?”

Her voice was mock stern. “No peeking, got it?”

“I’m not that evil…”

She just giggled and shut the door. Over the quiet burbling of the soup I could just about hear the hiss of the shower. She had better not use up all of the hot water again like she was prone to… I always took my own bath after cooking in the kitchen and getting sweaty – it could be hard work – and the last thing I wanted was a cold shower. I hated those.

XOXOXOXOXO

To understand why Eri was spending the morning having breakfast at my place instead of her own – and in her underwear no less – I need to wind back time and talk about our origins.

I’m Neku Sakuraba and I just entered college. This was my second semester and while things have been steadily growing more hectic, it was still fun. Graphic design’s where it’s at.

Eri is a friend of mine, but to explain how my friendship with her started, I’d have to first explain about another friend I know. Her name is Shiki Misaki and I knew her from school, back during our teenage years.

Shiki and I… we were like peanut butter and jam. The two of us had a strong friendship, and as luck would have it, I started to fall for her.

I could never confess my feelings for her, though, for a number of reasons, chief among them cold feet and unforeseen circumstances. It’s like a cruel joke. It’s been three years since I met her and not a single attempt that I made to get closer to her worked. Sadly, she was still oblivious to my growing feelings.

As if things couldn’t get any worse, I was now faced with a mountain of unavoidable hurdles. We went to different colleges, stayed far away from each other, and our tight conflicting schedules made it hard to get in touch. Somewhere along the line, the magic just disappeared: we’re not that close anymore. We’re growing apart, and I didn’t want that.

Eri was Shiki’s bosom buddy, and where there was Shiki, there would always be an Eri. One of her mottos was “Any friend of Shiki’s is a friend of mine”, and since she knew how the two of us went way back, she recognized me as a rightful pal of hers too.

She lives close by, along the same street as my apartment – just a few houses away – so we would wait at the same bus stop together. Eri and I naturally got to talking, and before long we went from acquaintances to surprisingly close friends.

The rather ironic upshot was that while I was drifting away from Shiki, I was growing closer to Eri. Funny how life works and screws you over.

But don’t get me wrong… I wasn’t saying that befriending Eri was a regretful thing or what – the opposite is true, as she’s a really nice person in all truth. It’s just… at the end of the day, my goal of spending a life with Shiki was growing farther and farther from my grasp.

Enough about Shiki and my own dreams for now, though. By now everyone’s probably itching to know exactly why the heck I had a girl over for breakfast, and she was in her underwear. Well… that in itself is quite the story.

Eri was famous for her beauty, her carefree fun-loving attitude, as well as being a little bit eccentric – she’s a fashion genius and I imagine that all geniuses have quirks of their own, so it makes sense that she’s a little… strange.

I’m not even going to go into details but what I can say is that she has a weird, almost perverse sense of humour; a tendency to get overexcited over the tiniest of things; as well as an acute level of shamelessness. She squeals out loud when she lays eyes on the latest clothes in her favourite line. She devours fashion with such a passion it’s genuinely scary. Did I mention she doesn’t mind undressing or walking around half-naked in front of me? If she truly doesn’t care being seen by me with so much of her body exposed, then maybe that’s a strong testament to how close we really were: I may be a boy and she a girl, but she’s perfectly comfortable around me. At least that’s what I figure. Or maybe she doesn’t see me as much of a man?

Even though she’s fine with it – and I for one certainly don’t mind – my hormones always have a hard time. It’s hard for a normal guy like me to not look at her attractive face and be wowed by her gorgeous toned body. Having to suppress my urges is such a challenge, especially when Shiki was my main goal in the first place!

But all that still doesn’t explain why Eri was over at my place, so I’ve got another anecdote to share…

XOXOXOXOXO

Eri’s quite the drinker, and every so often, she would go out and have a good time with her gal pals getting plastered on draft beer at some sushi bar. She usually manages to get back home somehow, but one night, much to my surprise, she showed up at my doorstep.

“Eri?” I had to squint at that disheveled face to make sure it was her.

The alcohol reeked in her breath as she spoke. “Hi, Neku. You free for a bit?”

For a few seconds I didn’t know what to say. But before I could even mutter anything else, she continued in slurred speech, “I’m so tired… And walking back home like this is a real drag. Hate to bother you, but… could I crash at your place?”

I wasn’t interested in having a drunkard over for the night – tipsy people could be a whole heap of trouble – so I tried to talk her out of it. “But your house is only a few blocks away. It’s not too much of a stretch to walk there.”

“Please?” she pleaded. “I’m really in no condition to do anything right now. I just need to… lay down and rest a bit.”

She did look terrible. In her state she was probably unable to do much. If anything, she looked ready to drop to the floor and sleep right then and there. Reluctantly, I let her in. She graciously entered my home. The moment she did, I regretted it.

She took scarcely a few steps into the living room before she started peeling clothes off of herself!

It’s useless to reason with a drunk person, but by instinct I almost yelled, “Eri, what the heck are you doing?!”

“I gotta sleep,” she mumbled, flinging her crop top onto the couch, “an’ when I sleep it gets hot at night, so I jus’ sleep in my undies. Y’know what I’m sayin’, right, Neku?”

Seeing her terrific body in that skimpy strapless bra must have completely dazed me, because, rather stupidly, I said, “Um… I dunno about that…”

She hadn’t even gotten her mini-skirt down her thighs before she suddenly looped her arms around me in a sloppy hug. I recoiled in shock, but couldn’t escape her embrace.

“Whassat you say?” she purred, her hot breath tickling my ear. “You don’ sleep in your underwear, Neku? So you, like, sleep naked?”

It was all I could do to save myself from choking. “What?! No! L-Look, Eri, you’ve had a bit too much to drink…” – she was so close… – “…I’ll get you some water…” – her firm breasts were pressing against my chest – “…then you can get to bed and rest, and – ”

Without warning she threw her body weight onto me and the two of us stumbled onto the couch, where I ended up trapped beneath her. And she was giggling.

“Hee hee hee… Yer so cute, Neku, when yer blushin’ like that.” Her grip on me never faltered, and as her overexposed body lay full-length along mine, I began to wonder what terrible fate might await me if she suddenly became sober right then and there, only to misunderstand the situation and think that I had stripped her with my own hands.

But she remained as drunk and hopelessly oblivious as ever. Depending on how I perceived my current situation, it was either the best thing ever, or the worst. Eri was a babe, a total knockout; that much I could attest to. I would be lying if I didn’t enjoy the feeling of her fantastic body on mine. However, at the same time, I felt really uneasy. The girl I loved was Shiki, not her, and with each sinfully enjoyable second that passed I felt all the more like I was cheating on her, even when we weren’t even going out. It was one heck of a quandary.

My feelings about this matter notwithstanding, one thing was for certain: I couldn’t budge. Eri had me pinned down. Where a lithe, delicate and supposedly weak person like her got her strength, I didn’t know, and seriously, did it matter at a time like this? I needed to get out fast. She continued to snuggle up against me and rub her head in my chest much like how a cat might rub against its owner’s leg.

“Eri,” I stammered, “c-could you get off of me? I need to find you a place where you can sleep.”

She mumbled incoherently, “But I wanna sleep here. Yer gonna be my bolster.” Dammit… she could be so kinky when she’s drunk!

“Come on, Eri. I’m serious.” …Or so I said, but the fleshy softness of her chest squashing against mine took a lot of the firmness out of my words.

Her droopy eyes flashed with mischief as she lifted her head to look at me.

“Heh… Neku…”

“What?”

She brought her mouth to my ear, so closely I almost thought her lips would touch it, and her warm breath billowed onto my skin. My hair stood on end. And then, obviously in jest, she whispered:

“You’re making a tent in your underwear.”

Oh dammit.

“I-I’m sorry!” I blurted. “I didn’t… I mean it wasn’t…! It was just…” What was I supposed to say to explain myself for something like that?

Fortunately I didn’t have to say anything more, because when she didn’t reply or retort anything back, I knew she was sleeping. Like a log, even. It made me feel silly to get worked up over her lewd comment.

After a great effort to pry myself free from her python grip, I found myself wondering what to do with her. I had never had a girl over at my place – not even Shiki – so I was at a loss. Not only was this the first time this has happened, it was also the first time where said girl was drunk and naked… That chest of hers… it was so nice to the touch… and that body was like heaven personified… And the perfume she was wearing was intoxicating… Mmm… vanilla…

No! I had to focus! I’m so sorry, Shiki! The quick slap to my own cheek stung, but it did well to bring me back to my senses.

Now let’s see… At the very least, she should have a good place to rest, and it definitely shouldn’t be a couch. Luckily, as my home was a two-bedroom apartment and I was the only occupant, there was a spare bedroom that she could use. Soon she was snoozing like a lamb and seeing her look so comfortable as she slept gave me a sense of chivalrous satisfaction, a feeling that, despite all the odds placed against me, I had done well as a gentleman.

That was that, and it was high time I went to bed myself, but for some reason I couldn’t stop staring at Eri’s sleeping form. She was pretty enough to demand second glances. Whereas before she may have seemed like a drunken idiot, now she actually looked like an angel. I loved Shiki, but Eri’s beauty was so mesmerising that I allowed myself, albeit guiltily, to examine her facial features in greater detail. After a thousand apologies to Shiki, I knelt at the side of the bed to take a closer look.

Words couldn’t describe her loveliness enough, so I wouldn’t. All I knew was that I couldn’t tear my eyes off of her face.

I found myself whispering unconsciously, “She’s so pretty…”

She stirred in her sleep, making me think that she had heard me. My panic disappeared when she simply rolled over to her side. Still asleep… That was close.

Then I realized that her blanket had somehow crumpled in such a way that her back, which was facing me, was now exposed. And I really mean it: the whole of her back. For some reason, the hook of her bra had come loose and detached itself, so her back was now in full view, that meadow of skin looking so pristine.

It was here that the world was privy to an amazing feat of the human body: the infamous Crimson Fountain of Death…

…also known as an explosive nosebleed.

Oh god! I’d never seen a naked woman before… I’d never even dared to look at a men’s magazine… and now there was an insanely sexy girl dressed in panties and plenty of air sleeping in my own home?! I couldn’t take it. My nose bled so much that I had to retreat to the bathroom sink.

Now I felt even guiltier! This wasn’t happening (in both a good and bad way)!

Shiki, I’m so sorry!!!

XOXOXOXOXO

The next morning, as I was cooking breakfast, there was an almighty scream. Oh boy. That was Eri’s voice coming from the spare bedroom. I could more or less guess what was up. I threw all caution to the wind, said a prayer for good luck and charged right in.

“Eri,” I called, “what’s wrong?!”

Upon my intrusion, she gave a start and screamed again. “Neku?!”

The girl was in a sitting position, her hair all in a mess, and the blanket pulled up coyly to her chest. My sharp eye caught a glimpse of the rear strap of her bra dangling precariously behind her back. She hadn’t even bothered to hook it closed yet?! I had to fight back another nosebleed.

Her eyes were wide with fear and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, and her entire frame was shaking like an earthquake. She tried to speak, but her voice was hard to find. At last, in one breath, she blurted, “N-Neku! What’s going on?! I’m… I’m in your house?! What am I doing here? And most importantly, why am I naked?!”

I had to clear my name, and quickly. “You’re mistaken, Eri!” I spluttered. “You came here drunk last night and had to stay over. But I didn’t do a single thing to you!”

She twitched in pain, seemingly from a hangover, and clutched her head. Nevertheless, she was still flustered. “Th-Then why am I not wearing anything?!”

“You took off your clothes by yourself!” Last night’s memory of her brief stint as an amateur stripper threatened to spill my nose over anew.

“I… I did?” Her panic petered out and she regressed into a calmer state. “Oh… um…”

Wait a minute. Why was she calm about this anyway?

“I really didn’t do anything, Eri,” I repeated, not knowing what else to say. “I swear, I did not a single thing.” In rapid-fire detail I went on to reiterate the fact that it was she who came into my home and stripped herself stupid, but I cleverly chose not to disclose about how she tried to seduce me in while she was drunk. She listened and clung onto every word with widening eyes that threatened to outgrow her own eye sockets.

“And that’s pretty much it, Eri,” I said at last. “Um, I know this isn’t exactly the right thing to say at a time like this, but breakfast is almost ready. I thought you might be hungry, so I made an extra portion for you.”

I was about to high tail it back to the kitchen before the awkwardness settled in too much, but she stopped me in my tracks. “Wait.”

“Huh?”

“Neku… I get that I took off my clothes on my own accord, but…”

“B-But what?”

“But I don’t remember a thing from last night…”

“That’s because you were drunk.” Perhaps it was better she didn’t remember everything that happened…

“I see… So, um, about last night…” She started to blush and refused to meet my eyes. Then she asked the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard in my life. “Was it… enjoyable?”

WHOA?!

The thought of me and Eri doing… Well, there were a number of things she could have meant, but the only one that seemed to make sense in this context was… But there was no way she could… I could… we could… and then there was… Well, again I say, WHOA?!

“Wh-What are you saying, Eri?!” I stammered.

“Neku,” she muttered softly, “if what you’ve told me is the truth, then I’m so sorry for barging in last night. My… deepest apologies. But at least tell me if… if we… you know… and if… if you, um… enjoyed it…”

My head was spinning just from imagining that highly unlikely scenario. “Eri, you need to chill out! We didn’t, um, hop into bed and have… you know!”

“Huh?”

“The current circumstances make it look like we did that, but the truth is we didn’t! What makes you think we did?!”

Her eyes grew wider, followed by a slight frown and some surprisingly calm words, although she was looking away in embarrassment as she talked. “Neku… I wasn’t talking about that.”

“Eh?”

“I was just wondering if we were somehow playing strip poker last night, and whether you found it… enjoyable. I mean, I was drunk…”

Eri’s logic was so skewed I didn’t know what to think. And she was sober too.

“You’re so mean, Neku,” she huffed quietly, “saying that I would do such dirty things…” Well, you’ve done plenty of crazy things already, Eri; I just thought that it would only be natural of you to take the next step…

Defeated, I decided to just let her win this round. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Sorry for having such a dirty mind. I’ll clear it out with bleach afterwards.” I spoke those words with a deadpan, but hoped that my veiled humour would cheer her up.

To my surprise, she actually smiled. It was a small insignificant one, but one that showed how relieved she was. There was also a hint of amusement. “Add in some detergent while you’re at it.”

I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. “Ah… yeah.”

It looked like everything was returning to normal at last… although a girl talking so nonchalantly to a boy with only a flimsy blanket for protection hardly qualified as normal. But at the same time, there was this strange feeling starting to grow within me… Even when this conversation was incredibly weird, even perverse, why did I find myself enjoying the interaction I was having with this girl who wasn’t even my love interest? It was only a tiny fraction of a feeling, but one I couldn’t ignore.

Did I actually like talking to Eri this much before?

Her meek voice came through to me. “N-Neku?”

“Oh! Um, yes?”

“Wh-Where are my clothes?”

Her clothes, that she flung all over the place last night? “I, uh… Well, the smell of the alcohol on your clothes was very strong, so I washed them last night and hung them in the bathroom to dry. Last I checked, they’re still damp, so… uh…”

“You washed them?” she gushed, impressed. “For me? Gee… thanks. But…”

“Y-Yeah…” I gulped. “That means you’ll be stuck here till it dries. Well, no matter, I’ll bring your breakfast to you – ”

My sentence faded midway as I watched her kick her blanket away and get back on her feet, fiddling with her undergarments. There she stood, looking disheveled yet remarkable as she fixed up her bra. When she was done, she had this to say to me.

“No need to go out of your way for that, Neku. I’ll just eat at the table as is. Breakfast in bed is just too much trouble, you know? The crumbs and stuff just get everywhere.” One final once-over at herself and a quick hand through her messy hair to smoothen it out, and she was ready to paint the town red. With the blood from my nosebleed. I could only gape and tremble as she strolled out of the room past me like walking around in underwear was as common as eating or breathing.

“Can I borrow your bathroom for a bit, Neku? I’m gonna need a shower.”

I nodded stupidly and showed her the way.

As she showered I found myself collapsed against the nearest wall, wondering how someone as strange as Eri could even exist in the first place. She was a peculiar one, to be sure. Nudity was hardly a cause of concern for her. How was this possible?!

Shortly afterwards, as I was still in a daze, the bathroom door opened and out poked her head, hair dripping with water. “Oh yeah, Neku, you got any towels? I just finished showering and I’m naked but can’t find anything to wrap myself in.”

N-Naked… how could she say such a word so easily?! “L-Look at the rack above the sink,” I mumbled, turning away to hide the blood gushing out of my nose, “it’s hard to see, but it’s there.”

A moment later she announced that she had found what she needed. “They were here all this time. Silly me!”

One final giggle and the door closed blissfully behind her.

God… This was all so much to take in. Especially for my poor nose. After this episode was over, I might need to make a trip to the hospital for a blood transfusion…

XOXOXOXOXO

That was an extremely long-winded way of saying just how carefree and downright strange Eri was. After that incident, she started coming over to my house more often, and every time it was because she was drunk and needed a convenient place to crash. Think of all the money I could rake in if I charged her for all those times she treated my house like an inn! I could earn my first hundred thousand yen like this…

I always had breakfast alone, but that night heralded the start of many days where she would share the dinner table with me. We had reached a point where she was almost like she was a housemate or something.

At first, she seemed like a pest. But over time I got used to her presence, and now, well, I didn’t really mind.

It’s just… why…

Why couldn’t it be Shiki instead of Eri?! We could have become so much closer! Argh, just the thought of it could kill me in more ways than one! If it was Shiki frolicking around in a bra and panties instead of Eri… what a fantastic thing it would be…

“Neku?” came Eri’s voice over breakfast. “You’re getting your nosebleed in your miso soup. Are you okay?”

My trials were pretty daunting as they were, but nothing could prepare me for what was to come in the near future…


	2. I'll Confess For Sure This Time!

 

“Thank you for the meal.”

“You’re… welcome.”

Eri gathered up the dishes, offering to collect mine as well.  I told her she didn’t need to wash them up as I could do it, but she insisted.  She was hovering around the kitchen sink cleaning up and spoke to me over her shoulder as she did.   “I absolutely love your miso soup, Neku.  You should become my own personal chef.”

“Um… well, uh-huh…”

She huffed, “Geez, Neku.  Were you always this uptight?  What’s with you?  Lack of calcium?”

“I’m not angry or anything!  But… when I told you to get dressed…”

She looked down at herself.  “But I’m wearing a shirt.  What’s the problem?”

“That _is_ the problem!” I spluttered.  “You’re wearing only a shirt!  Why aren’t you wearing any pants?!”

When she took a harder look at herself, only then did she seem – or pretend – to realize that what I said was true: she had no pants on, only a tight pair of lacy panties.  I hated to admit it, but I wasn’t strong-willed enough to tear my eyes away from her perky behind… So that’s how all those low-slung mini-skirts she likes to wear stay on…

Eri didn’t seem the least perturbed by her glaring lack of anything below the waist.  In fact, she almost seemed to be laughing at me, as though it was nothing strange and that I was kicking up an unnecessarily big fuss.

“So?” she giggled.

I had to dig my knuckles into my thigh to try and reassert control over myself and my male urges.  Any other day, the pain would have been unwelcome, here it was almost therapeutic.  Anything to punish myself for being so unfaithful to Shiki!  …Even though we weren’t going out.

“Eri,” I mumbled though gritted teeth, “every time you come here to stay overnight, you never dress properly… It’s almost like you’re doing it on purpose or something.”

“Well, it can’t be helped.”  She was doing the last of the plates.  “It’s really hot these days, and the last thing I want is to get my pants all soggy from sweat.”

“Th-That doesn’t explain why you’ve chosen to wear a shirt, though…”

“Oh, what’s this now…” she chuckled, enjoying herself.  “Is this a veiled request for me to take off my shirt too?”

I choked on my coffee.  “N-No, that’s not it!!!”

Her laughter rang in the air as she finished up with the sink.  She found the sight of me coughing and struggling with my scalded throat especially funny.  “You’re so cute when you get flustered like that, Neku.  And that blush makes you even cuter.”

“I’m not blushing,” I protested, pounding my aching chest.  “I’m not (cough) blushing.”

She happened to glance at the kitchen clock hanging on the wall.  “Oh, look at the time!  I’ll be late for class if I don’t hurry!”  The pitter-patter of her feet on the wooden floor was rapid as she scampered back and disappeared into the spare bedroom where she always slept when she spent the night at my place.

“Don’t go out half-dressed,” I called out, in my typical deadpan manner.

“I wouldn’t!” she huffed.  “What am I, some kind of pervert?”

_Yes, you are…_

Her strange behaviour was exasperating, yet somewhat amusing at the same time.  Yes, she could be a real handful if she so chose it, but other times she could be quite tolerable, maybe even a little cute.  Of course, I hasten to add that Shiki was the girl whom I was crazy about, not her.  Still, despite being the mixed bag that she was – two parts weirdo, one part deviant – overall, she was quite a nice girl.

And so, such was yet another morning spent with Eri: fashion buff, prankster, near-nudist extraordinaire… and, believe it or not, friend.

XOXOXOXOXO

Every morning, Eri and I would take the bus to college, and like every other morning, we would get to talking during the five-minute journey.  Our conversations were surprisingly engaging, so it rarely degraded into a one-way affair.  She loved her fashion and I my art, but our differing interests were no obstacle to achieving great communication.

And her goofiness, silly as it may be, actually served to make things interesting.  Her lack of delicacy – a trait I’d been witness to long enough – also kept things interesting, albeit in a different kind of way…

“My boyfriend and I are all SDLD right now!” she squealed.

“SDLD…?”  I scratched the back of my neck in puzzlement.  “Is that some kind of drug?”

“No, come on, get a grip.  You know it means _s_ uper- _d_ uper _l_ ovey- _d_ ovey!  We do everything together!”

I took a playful jab at her, “Including crashing into people’s homes to stay for the night?”

“How rude!”  A hefty ‘hmph’ from her, and she carried on, “I may be like that but he isn’t!”

“You sure have a thick cheek to be able to admit that so readily…”

“J-Just shut up and listen to me, Neku!”  Then she continued to gush about her love life like the idiot she was.  “Anyway, we do everything together!  We’re doing the same course, we go on dates… We spend hours making out…”

I gagged on my own saliva.  “Um, yeah… Making out.  Very interesting…”

“Are you listening, Neku?  Oh, I bet you’re busy thinking about Shiki again?”

“H-Huh?  Wait, I really was listening…”

“No, you weren’t!” she said accusingly.  “I bet you were probably fantasizing about sharing a shower together with Shiki – ”  WHAP!

That was the sound of my hand slapping over her mouth.  Everyone heard it and was looking our way.  The blush on my face deepened to a frightening colour.  How could she mention something like that in public?!

“Shut it, Eri!” I hissed.  “That’s crazy talk!”

She pushed my hand away.  “But it’s normal to imagine doing all sorts of things with the person you love, right?”

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.  It was true that I loved Shiki to death, and Eri was painfully spot-on about me thinking of doing, well, this and that with her!  But it was no good.  My friendship with Shiki was weakening because we weren’t getting in touch much.  With our packed schedules, getting together for even a cup of coffee was impossible.  She had her life and I had mine, and I feared that after so long we no longer matched.  Dating her was a far-fetched dream, though I refused to stop chasing it.

Eri knew about my predicament, but I never turned to her for help in this matter because I thought it would be too awkward.  At times she would, however, offer words of encouragement which I gratefully accepted.  “You mustn’t give up, Neku!” went one of her standout pieces of advice.  “I’m sure she loves guys with hedgehog hairdos and bad fashion sense too!”

She nudged me in the arm and grinned widely.  “Hey, keep on at it, Neku.  Shiki’s not dumb.  She’ll pick up on your pheromones sooner or later.”

I managed a small smile for her.  “Th-Thanks.”  Pheromones?

I was thinking about how, despite her obvious faults, Eri could be rather cool.  She could almost be like another Shiki…

Wait… another Shiki?!  No, I didn’t like Eri in that way…

But… why couldn’t I stop thinking about her?

My train of thoughts came to a grinding halt when her college came into view and she had to alight.  We bid each other goodbye for the day but before she stepped off the bus, much to my mortification, she called out to me for one final – though not as welcome – bunch of encouraging words:

“Don’t be a quitter, Neku!  I’m sure the day will come when you can take showers with Shiki!”

I froze in my seat as everyone glanced from her to me.  All of this unwanted attention was unbearable.  How I wished I could bury my face in the floor!

“Eri!” I spluttered.  Man, was I mad at her!

But she just laughed and hopped off the bus, leaving everyone in a catatonic state of shock.  Needless to say I had it worse.  She really had a knack for putting people on edge whenever she’s around…

XOXOXOXOXO

When was the last time I spent time with Shiki?

About a week before college life started for both of us, we had gone out for a movie and burgers.  The whole time, everything seemed so happy and normal that I thought we could continue to do this as often as we wished in college.  I had looked forward to seeing more of Shiki’s smiles and hearing more of her gentle laughter in time to come.

But I was so naïve.  When our worlds separated with the first semester, my despair grew with each time I offered to bring her out for tea or ramen, only to be told very regrettably that she had heaps of coursework to do.  Having fun together became a thing of the past.

Shiki may be practically non-existent now, but Eri’s always there to keep me company.

However, as one may already know, this wasn’t necessarily a good thing!

When she’s drunk she turns into a lecher and teases me to the point where I fear that she might rape me.  When she’s back to normal the next morning, she teases me about my shyness, and more often than not does something worse than the nonsense from the night before.  Frankly, sometimes it’s hard to tell when she drunk or sober.

A few days had passed since her last sleepover and this morning was to be another day in hell… or heaven?

“Hey Neku!” she cried, stepping out of the bathroom.

I was cooking breakfast as usual and glanced over my shoulder only to catch the shocking yet familiar sight of her in her underwear.  But as she sashayed into the kitchen, tousling her damp hair with a towel, it was obvious that she didn’t care.

“Wh-What do you need, Eri?” I said as normally as I could manage.

Any guy would kill to have a beautiful girl walk around his home wearing nada apart from a bra and panties, but in this cosy little apartment that was home, this was nothing new.  Eri’s a bit of an exhibitionist.  It’s ironic, though, because she’s taking a course in fashion where she designs clothes that are meant to be worn, and she just flings hers all over the darn place.

“Neku, if it’s not too much trouble, can you accompany me to Shibu-Q Heads tomorrow?”

“Why are you going there?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Shiki and I have succeeded in cranking out a whole bunch of designs,” she replied.  “We’re just going to buy some cloth and stuff to make them.  I’m not a pro at sewing so it’s up to Shiki to help out with that.”

Even merely hearing the name of the love of my life could cause my heart to shudder just like it did now.  I was awfully curious but nevertheless I pulled myself together.  “Why do you need me to come along?”

“We need someone to help carry all the material back to Shiki’s house.  Two girls can’t possibly carry everything.”

The breath hitched in my throat, not because of the prospect of having to lug around oodles of cotton, but because if Eri’s words were to be counted on, then Shiki would be there and I could meet her!

“That sounds like a lot of cloth,” I said, masking my growing excitement.

“It is.”  She perched her hip against the kitchen table, with the towel draped over her head like a scarf.  “So we need your help.”

Shiki was going on this shopping trip.  At last!  I could finally talk to her.  Later when everything was done, I would take the initiative to arrange a dinner with her at some restaurant.  During dinner, we could work a way around our schedules and if all went well, I would be looking at more dates with her down the road.  This was going to be the best opportunity ever, and I’d be darned if I were to let this go!

I said yes.  “I’ll help.”

“Great!”  She took her seat at the table, ready to chow down.  “I’ll meet you outside of Shibu-Q Heads at 10 am tomorrow, then once we’ve gotten everything, we’ll take all those things back to Shiki’s place.”

This was great!  I had one day to prepare what I wanted to say to Shiki.  I would get everything right and there would be no turning back.  _Shiki, here I come!_

But, in the meantime…

“Got it, Eri, but… on another note…”

“Hmmm?”

“Could you at least wear _something?_   It’s kinda distracting.”

“What?  But I am wearing something.”

“Underwear doesn’t count,” I grumbled.  “Get dressed already!”

The twinkle in her narrowed eyes suggested that mischief would be afoot very soon.  With a slow tigress-like drawl, she growled, “Hmmm… So underwear doesn’t count, does it now?”

I gulped.  I just knew something dreadful, something embarrassing would be around the corner.  With her, this was almost a given.  “What are you trying to pull now?!  Whatever it is, stop it.”

She cocked her head to one side and lazily stroked her chin.  “I’m just applying common logic to what you just said.  I mean, if underwear isn’t regarded as clothes like you so vehemently put it, then what you’re saying is that I’m basically naked, even when I’m wearing underwear…”

“Um… and?”

“By that rationale, if I’m already naked, then whether or not I wear underwear or not doesn’t really matter, does it?  So I might as well take it off.”  To my horror, as she spoke, she turned her back to me, and now she was fiddling with the clasp of her bra.  Such an indecent act, though an obviously playful one, scandalized me almost enough to blast the hair right out of my scalp… and I loved my hair.

“Hey!  Wh-What’re you doing?!  Are you nuts?!”

How thick her skin was to do stuff like this!  She always teased me in this way… always!  So it was only natural for me to fear that she might actually whip _that_ off.  But I couldn’t just grab her hands and stop her; it’d be like sexual harassment.  Wait a minute… wasn’t that what _she_ was doing?!

But she sure had a nice body… I couldn’t deny that… And a girl like her stripping willingly in front of you wasn’t something that happened every day.  Striking the lottery was more common than this.

No!  Focus!  Think of Shiki!

I cried one more time, “Seriously, stop it, you idiot!”

She pretended to sound cross as she spoke over her shoulder, “Is that the proper way to talk to a girl?”

Eri wasn’t a girl.  With the way she behaved, she seemed more like a dirty old man.  Girl, my foot!  But I didn’t want to incur her wrath today.  And most importantly, I just wanted her to put on some damn clothes already.  Looking at her in such a state of undress was like ogling, and it was killing both my pride and my conscience!

No choice but to suck it up.  As I attempted to negotiate with her, I tried to minimize eye contact with that skimpy navy blue bra on her luscious toned back.  But with an unfortunate overdose of hormones it was very very hard.  I could turn my head away, but my eyes just followed and stayed locked on.

“Look, Eri,” I coughed uneasily, “I’m sorry for that outburst.  I’m sorry I called you an idiot.  But I’m this close to having a nosebleed right now and you’re not helping matters.”

She cut in before I could finish.  “A nosebleed?  Then be thankful you’re a normal guy.  It’d be more worrying if you couldn’t get one…”

“Argh… At least wear a shirt or something!”

Her fingers stayed stubbornly on the clasp, tweezing it but keeping it firmly locked.  “Begging and kowtowing and offering to be my dog is nice and all, but – ”

“Y-Your dog?!”

“– I’m not so cruel.  If you say a nice little ‘please’, I may consider.  On the other hand, watching you collapse in a pool of blood is pretty funny, so I don’t know… What should I do…”

“PLEASE!”

“Don’t shout like that.  It’s very… ungentlemanly.  Try again.”

“Please?”

“Hmmm… Not bad, I guess, but it still sounds insincere.”

RRRGH!  My blood was boiling and I was seething.  This girl was playing me for a fool and she loved it!  I wanted to toss her out the window and leave her out in the open in just her underwear.  Then we’ll see just how much she loves walking around half-naked!

Alas, that was merely a figment of my imagination and reality was still reality.  I felt like and was a total idiot.  And like the idiot that I was, I capitulated to her mischievous demands.

“Please.”

She gave a satisfied huff of someone who’s had enough fun for one day.  “Hee hee… that’ll do for now.  Very well, I’ll go get changed.”

“Oh, thank god,” I sighed, slumping onto the floor.  “Please do so.  Now.  Ugh.”

I felt like a pile of goo as I sat there on the floor tending to my dizzy spinning head.  Out of the corner of my eye I noticed that she was still at where she stood and had yet to go back to her bedroom to change.  No chicken brains were needed to tell me she was standing there, all haughty and laughing and pleased with herself for turning me into a fool.  “That’s right, no one messes with Eri!” must have been the message she was trying to deliver to me.  I was sure she wanted to tease me some more or something.

Nothing bad happened, however, which came as a pleasant surprise to me.  All she did was say, in a very nice and normal manner, “Sorry, Neku, I can’t help it.  You’re too cute when you’re nervous.  But regarding Shiki, just hang in there, okay?  You just need to keep the pressure on, and she’ll notice.  And tomorrow’s your best chance.”

I noted the kindness in her words and nodded silently.  She was right.  All the nosebleed nonsense aside, I was surprised that she knew what I was thinking.  Yes, I should be keeping the pressure on.  Hounding Shiki day and night!  Well, not really, of course…

“And when the day comes when you two are a couple,” added Eri, “treat me to lunch as a reward, ‘kay?  I love free lunches.”

This helped me to cheer up, though I still couldn’t look at her out of embarrassment.  “I guess that’s fine with me…”

“Awesome!  Now, how about a hug between friends to seal the deal?  Yeah?  And…”

“Hug?  Eri, no, wai– !”

“…BEAR HUG!”

Too late.  In a flash, she swooped down like a vulture, wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in for an extra-tight embrace.  I might have been glad to return it on any day, but my face ended up squashed deeply into her bosom.

Soft and tender… My entire head was literally wrapped up in a little slice of heaven…  I was more than ready to let loose with the nosebleed at this point but there was something more worrying I had to deal with first: I couldn’t breathe!  Any attempts to squirm my way out ended in failure.  She must have thought I was being shy and averse to hugs so she decided to teach me a lesson: that hugs were good.  So she hugged me even tighter, sealing my doom.

As I suffocated slowly and the blackness of certain death overwhelmed me, I could just about make out her squealing but muffled voice.

“You’re too huggable for words, Neku!  That’s so cuuuute!  …Huh?  Neku?  Are you alri–  Huh… Y-You’re dead?!”

Marshmallows are nice and all, but… I was allergic to them.

I had to remain strong!  Tomorrow’s shopping trip was going to be a blast, I was so sure of it!  Shiki and I would be back to the awesome way we were before college!

But tomorrow would not go the way I had planned…  No, not because Eri had killed me – I had merely fainted – but because of something else.  And it wouldn’t be pretty.


	3. Unexpected Revelation

 

Hair?  Check.

Clothes?  Check.

Vibrant personality?  Hmmm, well…  My charisma may not be exactly magnetic, but at least Shiki would like me, I hoped.

A third time going through my mental checklist of things to make sure I had, and I was finally ready to hit the road.  Hello, new life with Shiki!  Aloha, sweet romance in the air!

Yes, today was the day that I promised to help Shiki and Eri out with their shopping.  Apparently they were on a lucky streak and ideas for their fashion design stuff were rolling off their heads non-stop and silky smooth like butter.  But to turn their ideas into reality they’d need materials, and by materials they meant cloth.  Lots of it.  And that’s what they were going to get today.

Shiki was a pro at sewing.  She was the fiercest seamstress around, fierce as in amazingly-skilled, of course.  I should know.  She mended my pants in three minutes flat, but that’s another story for another day.  I blush whenever I think about it.  So perhaps, in this case, fierce might mean aggressive as well…

I headed for Shibu-Q Heads early to wait for the girls, but Eri had already beaten me to it.  She was standing around, fiddling with her cell phone lazily.

 _There she is!_   I could recognize that unique outfit of hers anywhere.  In a crowd of faceless pedestrians she would stand out like a pillar of light.  That pretty face framed by strawberry hair and that oversized cap… and that crop top which flattered her waist… that ridiculously low-slung mini-skirt with the magical ability to cling onto her wonderful hips…

Wait!  What was I doing fantasizing about her?  The one I should be drooling over was – hang on, this wetness on my chin… was it saliva?

Impossible.  It simply didn’t make sense that I was salivating over this crazy chick!   _Shiki, I’m so sorry.  Again I’ve failed you…_

Eri’s shrill voice snapped me out of my profuse mental apologies to Shiki.  “Neku!  Over here!”

I had to focus.  Eri was a good friend, despite her many behavioral quirks, but my target was no one else but Shiki.  Today, she would be mine!

“Hey, Eri.”

“Man, you could use a little more oomph in that greeting.”  She snapped her cell phone lid closed and stuffed it in her skirt pocket.  “Today’s a lovely day!  Full of opportunity!  You should be happier about it!”

“Well, I  _am_  happy.”

“You’re not smiling or anything,” she said with a shrug.  “Your mouth is looking so dull today.  Widen it!”  To drive her point home, she playfully took the corners of my mouth in her fingers and stretched them apart into a smile, but it only served to make me look like an alien from outer space.

I grabbed hold of her hands to stop her.  “C-Cut it out, Eri.  I’m fine!  I’m – ”

Then it suddenly occurred to me that I was holding her hands in both of mine.  Wasn’t this something that lovers often did?  Hands were a delicate area, and you never touched another girl’s hands or vice versa unless there was some form of romantic attraction between the two of you.  And though it was accidental, the fact was, I just did that wth Eri.

“Whoa!”  In a flash, I let go, leaving her momentarily confused.

“Is something wrong, Neku?” she asked, growing concerned.  “You’re growing red in the face.”

“I-It’s nothing!  It’s a hot day today, so I guess the heat was getting to me.”

“Really?  Are you sure you’ll be okay?  Let me feel your head.”

And then the next thing she did – I couldn’t believe it myself – was to touch her forehead against mine.  Our faces were so close together and her warm breath was billowing against my face, soothing yet agonising.  This was a common way to tell if someone had a fever, but if I didn’t have one earlier, I definitely had one now!

Oh, and everyone turned to look our way.

“I’m totally fine!” I yelped.  In my panic I swiftly backed my head away from her, only to have the back of my skull bash into the lamppost behind me.  There was the dull resounding thunk of bone clashing with metal.

I wound up clutching my head in pain.  Not a good way to start what should be a great day…

“Well, Neku, if you were fine before,” said a wincing Eri, “you aren’t now.  Concussions aren’t the best thing ever by a long shot.”

“I’ll be A-OK, Eri.  I think.”

“If you say so.  Anyway, Shiki’s gonna be a little late coming here, so we’re gonna have to wait for her a bit.  In the meantime, why don’t you have some crepes?”

She held out her hand to me, in which there was a crepe, neatly wrapped and smelling good.  And she had a smile on her face, not the kind of smile where she would tease me or whatever, but a real one peppered with warmth.  I might have traded jibes with her on any other day but her kindness kept my sarcasm in check.

“Um, th-thanks…” I took it from her, secretly astounded by how thoughtful she was.

Seeing the nicer side of Eri – as opposed to the insane Mr Hyde I was often subject to – was refreshing.  I couldn’t understand anything of it, so I just thought, well, sometimes even crazy people have their nice days.

I didn’t care much for crepes and she probably got this from the local fast-food restaurant, but for some reason it tasted… sweeter than normal.  Not to mention better.

We sat side by side on the nearest bench, and Eri piped up, “Hey, hey, Neku.  Are you still gonna chase Shiki?”

The redness rushed to my cheeks.  “Um… chasing is a bit of a strong word, but yeah…”

She giggled.  “Well then, lucky you.  I’m feeling generous, so I’m going to give you some tips that I think you’ll find useful.  With these, you’ll have a better chance of getting Shiki.”

Her words sounded promising, but my guard was up.  Was she going to end up wisecracking and making fun of me again?  But when she began it was obvious she was being serious.

“For starters… girls like guys who have a sense of humour.  Being funny is important, Neku, because it’s one of the little things that determine if a girl thinks you’re interesting enough for her.”

I grunted.  “That’s going to be a bit of a problem then.  I’ve never been great at humour.”

“But you  _are_  funny.”

I looked at Eri in surprise.  “You think I’m… funny?  Seriously?”

“Absolutely!” she beamed, apparently supportively.  Then the next words caused my heart to sink.  “You’re definitely funny, Neku… although that’s because I’m laughing at you.”

“Gee… thanks.”

She chuckled and patted me on the shoulder to try and make me feel better.  “I’m just kidding.  But seriously, Neku, I gotta tell you something.”  Her face dropped just the tiniest bit to emphasize the seriousness of what she wanted to say.  “People laughing  _together with_  you and people laughing  _at_  you are two different things.  Girls don’t find it cool if you always get laughed at.”

I decided to switch gears and ask for another tip because humour wasn’t my strongest point and never will.  “Um, what else?”

“Being chivalrous is an age-old practice,” she replied, “but it still works till this very day.  Hold the door open for her, walk on the outside of the pavement… you get what I mean.  Girls love those things.”  Then with a grin and a small chuckle she added, “I should know.”

I didn’t know why but my heart lurched for the briefest second there.  Maybe it was because I was talking to a girl who was giving me advice on how to treat another girl the right way, and how said advice would work on herself too.  Weird at best.

“You can be surprisingly nice at times,” I said, poking fun at her.

“Hey, I’m always nice,” she huffed.  “Is it that strange for me to be nice?!”

The presence of a familiar figure caught our attention and brought our conversation to an end.  There she was, in the thick of the crowd of milling pedestrians, head darting this way and that, looking for us.  Shiki!

“Here she comes, Neku,” whispered Eri.  “Do your best, and good luck!”

“Thanks.”  I felt pretty good, and although the butterflies were growing by the dozens in my stomach, I tried to keep cool and confident.  After all, this might be my only good chance.

Eri yelled her over, and she took notice.  That smile on Shiki’s face was so cute!  I could take a photo of her and frame it on my living room wall and never tire of it.

“Eri!  Neku!” called out Shiki.  “There you are!”

I greeted, “Hey, Shiki.”

I was about to say something cheery to her when she was suddenly joined by someone else.  He materialized from the midst of the crowd and walked up to her side, and his appearance surprised and confused me.

The first thing about him that struck an impression in me was that he was taller than any of us.  I was about the same height as Eri and Shiki, though slightly taller, and this guy beat me by at least another foot.  He also had a firm build which I sorely lacked, and his handsome face was bespectacled, giving him an air that suggested that not only was he learned he was also accomplished in life.

Who was he?  I would find out.

And when I did, the whole world came crashing down on me.

“Oh, hey,” asked a curious Eri, gaze pointed at him, “who’s this?  Your friend?”

Shiki replied, “Ah, yeah!  Well, actually, he’s my boyfriend.  His name is – ”

Boyfriend?  What?  Shiki had a… boyfriend?!  What kind of sick joke was this?  She was joking, right?  She had to be.  The girl of my dreams, hooked up with another guy?  Impossible.  I was so shattered that I wasn’t listening and I didn’t catch his name.

Eri’s shock caused her speech to falter slightly.  It was barely noticeable, but I could tell she understood how I was feeling.  Nevertheless, she tried to act normal by shaking the hand of the guy, whom I shall dub The Boyfriend, and saying good-naturedly, “Oh!  You’re Shiki’s boyfriend?  Cool!  Nice to meet you!  How long have you guys been dating?”

“We just celebrated our three-month anniversary last week,” answered Shiki, hooking her arm around his in a sickly affectionate manner.  Three months… Three months and I didn’t know about it… Wait, why didn’t I know about it?!

Her next words provided the answer.  “I figured we were going to buy lots of stuff today, so I thought I’d bring an extra helping hand.  And at the same time, I thought I’d surprise you guys!”

“Th-This is a surprise alright,” I mumbled a little too flatly.

The Boyfriend seemed to be a friendly, chatty sort.  Right off the bat he joked, “You two look awfully close!  How far have you gone?”

I spluttered like an old rotten motor.  “You mean me and Eri?!  W-We haven’t gone anywhere!”

Everyone laughed at my nervous reaction and blushing face, including the mirth-loving Eri.  She probably joined in to keep the friendly atmosphere intact, but I sure was glad she didn’t make things worse by playing along with him and pretending that she was going out with me and sharing the same showers.

…And then she had to say that.

“Oh, we just take the occasional shower together.  Just kidding, of course, ha ha ha!”

Gah!

The ensuing laughter quickly got unbearable, but because I didn’t want things to end up awkward, I laughed too, although I didn’t laugh so much as forced myself to wring out noises from my mouth that I hoped sounded like a laugh.  To the less observant person it would have seemed like one, but what came out of my throat was a rattle as lively as a dead snake.

“Well!  All that aside,” said Shiki, “I think it’s time we got to buying stuff, eh?”

The four of us – myself, Eri, Shiki and The Boyfriend – entered Shibu-Q Heads in a single horizontal line.  Shiki had engaged Eri in lively girl-talk which The Boyfriend, astonishingly, was able to follow and even add to, leaving me in the dust and not knowing what to say.

I felt six different kinds of terrible.  And the worst part was, the shopping trip had only begun.

XOXOXOXOXO

The cloth that the girls bought came in an assortment of lively colours.  This was cloth that Shiki was going to use to make all manner of clothes both dainty and daring… though I imagined that with Eri as the main designer, there might be more daring ones than dainty.

The hard labour was reserved for the guys – me and The Boyfriend.  We were tasked with carrying all the stuff they bought, and there was a lot of it.  Being a tough guy, he didn’t feel too bothered at all by the weight, but I was barely capable of it no thanks to my weak and thin arms.  People must have been amused by the sight of us standing side by side.  One brawny guy standing tall and strong and confident, and a scrawny guy next to him, looking about ready to collapse.  It was humiliating.

The Boyfriend was friendly and made small talk with me while the girls were busy being on their fashion “high”.  “Say, Neku, right?” he said.  “What course are you doing?”

“Huh?  Um…”  Was he really meaning to ask, “How well-accomplished are you in life?  I need to know if I’m better than you.”

If he was better than me, and he probably was, then the least I could do was bend the truth as much as I could within acceptable limits, so I could at least appear to be on par with him.  It wasn’t the brightest idea in the world, but it was the only one I could think of to save face.

“Oh, I’m taking graphic design,” I boasted.  “I’ve always liked CAT’s work, so I thought being in this course would help me achieve my dreams.  I’m not exactly a pro in what I’m doing but the truth is my work has seen some of the highest scores in my college.  Perhaps I’ll have a chance at working with CAT someday.”  Well, that was as close as close got!  Now we’d see what he had to say.

The smile that was always on his face grew wider, suggesting that he was impressed and he bought it.  But when he next spoke, it was obvious that what I said about myself didn’t matter to him one bit.  In fact, it all seemed like his spoken curriculum vitae, and unfortunately for my battered soul, it was very impressive.

“That’s awesome, Neku.  As for me, I’m in my third year of fashion design.  It’s pretty funny how things worked out for me lately.  On a whim about a year back, I submitted some of the designs I made to a bunch of companies like Pegaso and Dragon Couture, and next thing I knew, I’d been swamped with work offers left and right.  I was even invited to last year’s D+B Summer Collection fashion show, and boy was it a blast!  But because I’m still taking my degree, I can’t actually work with them just yet.  However, Dragon Couture and D+B have promised me a permanent spot in their workforce so once I’ve graduated I can start work right away.  Seriously, it’s been crazy how good it’s been for me!”

His superior achievements were far better than mine, and mine were mostly fake at that!  I never felt so insignificant in my life.  Even a speck of dust was leagues better than I was now.

And then he had to add, “Plus, you know, I’m so lucky to have met Shiki.  There was a function that we happened to take part in some time back and we got to talking.  Then the rest was history.”

“Uh, yeah…” I mumbled.  “Good stuff.”

I felt like a fool!  That wall next to me looked so nice to bang my head against but then everyone nearby would stare and point.

Just then Shiki scampered over to us, and those lovely brown eyes of hers crossed paths with mine for a second.  She was looking at me?

“Hey, honey,” she said.  “Got a sec?”

Did she just call me… honey?  As flustered as I was, I pulled myself together.  “Wh – y-you talking to me?”

Shiki laughed, “Of course not, Neku!  I’m referring to him.  Good joke there though.”

But I wasn’t joking…  I thought she… ah, heck.

She grabbed her boyfriend’s hand and spoke something to him about wanting his opinion on what colour would be best for a skirt.  What exactly she said I didn’t hear; I was busy trying to patch together my bleeding heart, and bandages were in short supply.  It was him whom she was calling honey.  Of course it wouldn’t be me…

I watched dolefully as she led him deeper into the shop.  They looked like the perfect match for each other as they talked in excruciating detail about patterns and all that stuff I didn’t get.  From inside I caught sight of Eri smirking at me and stifling her laughter at my mistake. 

“Oh, can it,” I muttered inaudibly, looking away in deep embarrassment.

Throughout the entire shopping trip, I was the proverbial fish out of water.  Everyone here was fashion-minded except me and no matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t find a way to chip into their conversations.  Well, what’d you expect from a guy who isn’t even interested in fashion in the first place?  I knew nothing.  Zero.

Even if I had stuff I could say, I didn’t think I would be able to say much because of how much Shiki was clinging onto her boyfriend.  In my dreams I would imagine her clutching onto my arm and saying all kinds of romantic things to me with a wide smile on her face.  Well, to an extent my dreams came true.  But the person she was being lovey-dovey with wasn’t me.

In fact, I began to feel disgusted by the way she would sneak in a feel on his arm or a grip on his hand whenever she thought Eri and I weren’t looking.  Man, I was so jealous I could eat nails!

The last straw came when we chanced upon the Nishimura Pharmacy, run by the famously beautiful pharmacist Dr Fumiko.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw Shiki whispering something into her boyfriend’s ear.  The way she was on tiptoes trying to match his height would have been cute any other day, but right now she looked downright silly.  Jealousy had a way of painting everything in a blazing hue of green.

“Guys?” she said.  “Could you wait for us a bit?  We wouldn’t be a minute.”

“Um, sure,” said Eri, nodding.  “Go ahead.”

The couple went inside the pharmacy and was out in double quick time.  The first thing I noticed was their red faces.  What did they buy in there that would get them all embarrassed?

Then I noticed something else.  Hidden among The Boyfriend’s bouquet of shopping bags was a small bag with the Nishimura Pharmacy logo emblazoned on it.  No one would have seen it if they didn’t look hard enough, but my eyes were sharp and keen like a hawk’s.  Even with the shape of the box jutting through the plastic, it was hard to tell what the contents were, but judging from the context of the situation I could more or less guess.

“What’d you guys buy in there?” asked Eri.  She was probably as curious as I was, so extra kudos were in order for acting as innocently as she could.

The Boyfriend was fidgeting a little, and Shiki clutched her arm nervously.  Her reply was a lame-sounding “Just some… vitamins and stuff.”

Yeah right!  What’s so embarrassing about vitamin pills?!  Don’t tell me they purchased condoms or something…  It was the only thing that would make sense!  Would Shiki actually… Would they actually…

This was too much for me.  If I had known today would turn out this way, I wouldn’t have come.  And now that I knew, I had to get out.

“Guys, um, see,” I muttered, “I’m awfully sorry for this, but I just remembered there was this important errand I had to do for my aunt.  Like, ultra-important.”

Eri turned to me with a quizzical look.  “Huh?”

“An errand?” said Shiki.  “But – ”

I almost felt apologetic as I handed over my shopping bags to The Boyfriend, feeling a bit of childish happiness that now he had to handle double the load.  But given his thick muscles, it probably wouldn’t have affected him in any way.

Through my nose I lied.  “I’m sorry, everyone.  But my aunt, um… She asked me to deliver some important goods to her niece’s son’s cousin’s brother’s daughter’s adopted elder sister.  And I just remembered I have to go do it now; it’s really urgent!”

There was a second or two’s worth of silence, and the blank stares of all three of them hinted that they didn’t believe a word I said.  I knew very well that no one would believe me, but whatever.  Anything to get myself out of there!  I expected them to feel a bit miffed that I was shirking on my promised responsibilities to help them out.

However, Shiki’s reaction was the total opposite of what I thought it would be.  “Oh, really?” she said.  “You mustn’t keep your aunt waiting, then!  We’ll take care of things here, don’t worry.”  The Boyfriend also politely gestured for me to get going on my “task”.

No way… They actually believed my downright pitiful excuse for an, well, excuse?! 

After a hasty goodbye, I scampered off.  I thought I heard Eri calling out after me, but I paid her no heed.  The atmosphere was getting more stifling that time when she suffocated me in her ample chest, so out I had to go.  Mmm… ample chest.

Gah!  Why did  _that_  have to enter my mind just then?!

XOXOXOXOXO

Anyone would be a fool to believe I had an errand to run for my aunt’s niece’s son’s… whatever.  Shiki and her boyfriend were such fools!

I felt very bad.  I could exaggerate on and on about how my heart was like it was being trampled underfoot by a herd of elephants, or how I would rather riddle and skewer my whole body with chopsticks than watch that idiot couple fawn over each other again.  But thinking up of those descriptions would waste too much time that I’d rather spend on brooding over a cup of cheap instant noodles.

Now what do people do to temporarily forget about their troubles?  They could play a sport and go all-out to vent their frustrations.  They might adopt a quieter approach like meditation or weeping at the sunset.  Failing that, they could try something really crazy like stick needles into voodoo dolls or smash plates against the wall.  Or they could simply get plastered on beer like Eri often did.

Eri…

Man, why did I have to keep thinking about her…  She wasn’t even girlfriend material to begin with.  Besides, it was Shiki who was…

Why did I have to think about her too?!  Previously my dreams of her would be all about happiness and cuddliness and moonlit walks in the park.  Now all I could see in her were an endless torrent of nightmares.  Rrrgh!  It wasn’t fair!

Over my anguish and despair, I spent too much time tearing my hair out that I forgot to eat.  When I remembered about my noodles and checked them, I found that they had grown so fat and absorbed too much gravy that they were no longer appealing anymore.  But I was hungry, so into my trap they went.  Inwardly I was sobbing.  Again, it was all so unfair…

Just then there was a knock on the door which startled me somewhat.  Who could it be at this time of the evening?

My visitor turned out to be a certain pink-haired lunatic whose presence I had come to grow accustomed to by now.

“Geez, Neku,” sighed Eri.  “Running off like that… You had me worried, you know.”

“Sorry,” I muttered.  Then I went back to the dining table and resumed slurping up fattened noodles half-heartedly.  I just didn’t have the heart to talk to anyone.

She helped herself inside and closed the front door behind her, then silently took the seat opposite mine.  “You know, about earlier…”

I grumbled through my noodles, but didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Neku.”

A pause ensued, during which I was busy chewing my way through a mouthful of instant noodles… or perhaps instant  _worms_  would be like it.  I gulped the whole mess down my throat, then demanded, “Why didn’t you tell me about it, Eri?  Why didn’t you tell me that Shiki’s already got a boyfriend?”

“I honestly didn’t know.  She never talked about him, or even hinted that she was in a relationship.  If I had known I’d have told you already.  I guess she really wanted to surprise us both.”

I groaned.  If it was meant to be a surprise, it was a rude one.

“I know it seems like a small thing,” she continued, “but what she and her boyfriend bought at the pharmacy really bothered me.  What do you think it might be?  You think it could be…?”

“How should I know.”

The tense silence returned.  God I hated these periods of tense silence.  It was almost like if you dropped a pin it would create a sound as loud as a neutron bomb.  And I didn’t like the way this conversation was headed.  I might have been okay with Eri any day, but right now I wanted to be alone.

“So what happens now?” she asked after a while.  “With Shiki and her boyfriend the way they are, I don’t think you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell.  I mean, I didn’t think she’d put out.”

Her words were the brutal honest truth that I didn’t want to face, so I hated that she had to say it.  I lashed out in anger at her, “Gee, thanks!  If you’ve got nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything, will you?!”

Eri winced at my outburst and was stunned for a few seconds.  Then, treading cautiously, she spoke, “S-Sorry… I was just trying to tell you the facts… You didn’t have to, well, shout at me for it…”

There was a slight tremor as she talked, and I could tell she was afraid of offending me for fear of being yelled at again.  In the snap of a finger I regretted what I had done.  Eri had said or done nothing wrong.  It was like she had said; she was just being practical and telling me the cold hard facts that I had to come to terms with sooner or later.

“No, Eri,” I mumbled, ashamed, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that.  It wasn’t nice of me.  But, you know, I’m just so frustrated right now…”

She chose not to talk for the next several minutes during which I just cut loose and complained about how nothing worked out for me.

“It’s not fair,” began my long tirade.  “Shiki and I were the best of friends.  We were so close.  I know our college lives has made it difficult for us to stay in touch but I never thought it would get so bad she’d find someone else as a boyfriend.

“And now she’s got someone to experience true love with.  She’s probably held hands with that brute, and hugged, and kissed… And now she’s probably going to sleep with him and everything will be okay with them while I’m here stewing in loneliness and regret!  You can dream and lust after someone all you want, but as long as they’re taken, they’ll never be yours.  Argh, dammit!”

Eri bit her lip as she watched me take a deep ragged breath.  She took the opportunity to jab in a word or two, but it was nothing smart.  “You… lust after Shiki?”

“Why wouldn’t I?!” I huffed, more exasperated than embarrassed.  “She’s the girl of my dreams!  Or rather, she  _was_ …”

“You actually have wet dreams about her?”  She covered her mouth with her hands and her cheeks turned beet-red with anticipation about my answer.

“Huh?  W-Wet… No!  What kind of monster do you think I am?!”

“So you’re a pervert in disguise,” she said, chuckling lightly.  “Behind that spiky mane of yours lies a great big pervert!”  In her mischief she even poked playfully at my forehead, leaving me to scowl at her.

“Look who’s talking, Miss Amateur Stripper.”

“Amateur… Stripper?!”  Her fists were balled on the table and she had this fierce glare at me.  My words had apparently taken her aback, but not in a way I’d have ever imagined.  “How rude!  I can do a pretty decent striptease, you know!  And I’ll prove it to you right now!”

“What?!  H-Hey, get down from the table!”  I had to muster all of my strength to drag her down from the table and keep her from whipping her clothes off.  A small part of me really wanted to see her do it, but… this wasn’t the right time for something like this.  Or rather, it wasn’t appropriate at any time!

When things had settled nicely and she had calmed down enough to return to her seat, she said, “So, back to where we left off… you think about Shiki all the time, huh?”

“Of course I do.  But it’s no use.  I’ll never get close to her now…”

“Hmmm…”

“Man…!  Everyone’s tasted love at least once in their lives, so why can’t I?  I want to be able to hold hands with the one I love, and go on dates, and have my first kiss…  It just sucks I haven’t been able to do any of those things.”

My downcast eyes hovered around a blank spot on the table.  I had practically emptied my entire stock of troubles onto Eri, and I was sure it would be tiring to her to have to listen to more of my pitiful droning, so I stopped and let the quietness of the apartment take over.

“Neku,” she said, “you have never held hands before, or went on a single date?  Basically you’re saying you’ve never done anything romantic before?”

“Never.  Why?”

She slapped her knee and couldn’t suppress a short little laugh.  “No way!  Not even a quick playful peck on the cheek under the mistletoe during Christmas?”

I had one last good nerve left and her sniggering was getting on it dangerously.  “It’s not funny!  It’s not my fault that I happen to be so unlucky in love!”

“Ahaha… Sorry, sorry.  I’m just messin’.”  The gall of this girl, laughing at my plight!

For a few moments she sat there with that half-smirk on her lips.  Then she abruptly rose from her chair and slapped her hands on the table, startling me.  If I had been eating then, I’d have choked to death for sure.

“Alright!” she cried.  “It’s settled!”

“Wh-What’s settled?  Um, E-Eri?!”

She leaned in close, an inch between our faces, and simply looked at me with intense eyes.  Gosh, I didn’t notice it before, but her eyes were very pretty…  I felt the blood blotching into my cheeks as she gazed at me from point-blank range.

“Neku, you want to know what it’s like to go on a date and stuff, right?”

“Uh… yeah.  Wh-Why?”

Much to my relief she pulled her face away.  “Well, we can’t have you feeling all sad forever.  So get up on your feet!”

“Wait, whoa, wait!”  What was she grabbing onto my arm and pulling for?  Had she grown a sudden desire to yank my shoulder out of its socket?  Her efforts were so persistent that I had little choice but to pry my butt off of my chair and stand up.  But still she didn’t stop pulling.

“Come on, off we go.  Chop chop!”

“Eri, what are you doing?  Where are you trying to kidnap me to this time?”

“It’s perfectly normal to be sad,” she said, ignoring my questions, “but it’s not any fun now, is it?  That’s why, to help you feel a little better about yourself, you and li’l ol me are going on a little something called a date.”

“Wh-What?!  A date?!”

“Just what it sounds like.  If you want to know what it’s like to go on one, I’ll gladly help you find out.  So, ready for some fun?”

Eri sure had a weird sense of logic.  You were supposed to have dates with someone you loved, and she wasn’t it.  But… why wouldn’t my heart stop thumping?


	4. Pretend Date Hijinks, Part 1

The best word to sum up today’s events would be crazy.

I’d been subject to physical and emotional strain that would have crushed lesser men.  Carrying bundles of heavy cloth made up my physical burden.   The emotional torture came from knowing that Shiki had a boyfriend and that they had been going out for at least three months without me knowing about it.  And to sweeten the deal, I even had to put up with them being lovey-dovey and all over each other.  Sickening to say the least.

Now, to add even more weirdness to an already peculiar day, my gal pal Eri had apparently felt sorry for me so she took the liberty of taking me out for what she called a date.

Of course when she said the word “date”, the first thing that came to mind was both of us doing things like relaxing at a park bench at night and holding hands, only to doze off peacefully leaning our heads against each other.  I knew Eri wasn’t my romantic interest by a long shot but it was still a tantalizing image that I couldn’t get out of my head.

But that was it: Eri wasn’t my dream girl, so no matter how romantic it was, it would seem as right as pairing a duck with a beaver.  We hardly matched each other, and if we were ever together we would make the oddest couple since, so to speak, my friend Beat and a bowl of curry.

Still, I was curious to know what she was up to, so I went along…

“So, Eri,” I said, “remind me again where we’re going?”  I had rushed out of the house with her, not knowing what was in store for me, and now we were on the bus heading to goodness-knows-where.  She could spirit me away to some far-off rural place and leave me to starve on a deserted mountain and no one would be the wiser.

“Sorry, can’t tell you,” she chuckled.  “Dates that have the element of surprise are the riskiest to attempt, but when they work, they can work really well.”

“If by date you mean shopping trip where I’m going to have to carry your things, then I must politely decline.”

“I wouldn’t do such a thing, I promise,” she laughed.  “I mean, you just don’t do that during a date!  And if ever I break that promise and turn our friendship into a twisted slave-and-master thing, then on those times when I come over to crash at your place for the night, you can bar me from setting foot in your house.”

I deadpanned, “I think I’ll enjoy that.”

“Geez!” she huffed, puffing up one cheek in mock annoyance.  “Play along, will ya?”

“Why are we going out anyway?  Don’t you already have a boyfriend?”

Her fingers were tweezing and playing around with a lock of her pink hair.  “Okay, first things first, Neku: we’re not going out.  And yes, I have a boyfriend.  But I can’t stand seeing you all depressed like the world’s ending, so I thought by having some fun together I could cheer you up.”

I almost didn’t believe it.  Eri would go out of her way just to lift my battered spirits?  Perhaps she valued me as a friend much more than I thought.  Somewhere inside me I was touched by her actions.  There was certainly more to her than just being a lunatic, I guess.

Then I just remembered something.  It got the hair at the back of my neck standing on end and I made sure she knew.  “Your boyfriend will murder me if he sees me with you, Eri.”

But she just grinned and said nonchalantly, “Oh, Neku!  You’re so paranoid.  My sweetie is as gentle as a lamb!  Sure, he might get a little ruffled, but he wouldn’t do something like break your bones or knock out your teeth.  I mean, that’d be just  _barbaric_ , right?!”  And she gave a hearty little laugh and a slap to my back that did little to ease my worries.  If anything, her words just made me feel a lot worse.  Maybe I should go into hiding…

A scant few minutes had passed and we alighted in front of a… cinema?  Hmmm, so we were going to watch a movie, eh?  Typical date stuff…

…except I didn’t like horror flicks.

“Is this your idea of a date?” I sighed.  “Watching ‘The Haunted Village’?  Why can’t we watch something more… normal?”

“There’s nothing like a good scare, Neku!” squealed an excited Eri.  “And good scares are meant to be shared, so what better time to share those chills up the spine with another person than on a date?  Besides, the film is said to have this really hot shower scene, so I took your perverted nature into account and chose this.  See?  That’s how nice and thoughtful I am.”

I seethed, “I’m not a total sleazebag like you put it!”

She just giggled mischievously.  Then, in a totally unexpected move, she looped her arm around mine, causing me to flinch a little in surprise.  No girl had ever done this to me before, and the very action was making me blush.

“Come on!” she said, grinning and pulling me along.  “What’re we waiting for?  It’ll be a blast.”

As we waited in line for our tickets, I became aware of the people staring at us.  I thought at first that they were disgusted by what they thought was an overt display of affection between the two of us.  But when I heard bits and pieces of their conversations, it occurred to me that they were simply awestruck by Eri’s beauty… and that they were mighty jealous that an “unworthy twerp” like me could be so “damn lucky” to be with her.  Gee, thanks, people.

I took a furtive sideways glance at Eri, and the way she was looking so chipper made her look even prettier than she already was.  Being in such close proximity to her allowed me to take a quick whiff at the perfume she was wearing.  Hmmm… vanilla had a nice flavour… exquisite and addictive… must… smell… more…

“Um, Neku?” squeaked Eri.

“Huh?  What is it?”

She was red-faced and fidgeting uncomfortably.  “C-Could you stop sniffing me?  I know we’re on a date, but… you’re not a dog.”

Uh-oh.  I had gotten too physically close to her in trying to take in more of that beautiful aroma of hers.  Everyone was staring and possibly thinking I was some weirdo.  Whoops!

“S-Sorry,” I gulped.  “My… My bad.  D-Don’t mind me.  My common sense just took a temporary nosedive.  It happens.”

“Um, yeah… I figured as much.”

We spent the next few minutes in awkward silence, with her occasionally looking at me in a suspicious way, until we finally vanished in the darkness of the theater.

XOXOXOXOXO

_“Is it gone?” asked the girl anxiously.  “We need to get to the bell tower to activate the sirens!”_

_The boy, young for his age at fifteen, was as frightened as she was.  Huddled together with her in the abandoned hut he tried to act brave, but the unearthly presence of the vengeful ghost could be felt everywhere.  Alone in each other’s company with limited supplies, they never felt more hopeless in their lives._

_He mustered all his courage to take a peek through the rotten slats of the window.  All he saw was the village, enshrouded in fog, with only the moonlight shining from above.  Otherwise, the entire place was deserted._

_“I… I think it should be safe,” whispered the boy, turning to look at the girl._

_When he turned his attention back to the window just to be sure, he couldn’t have been more wrong about his earlier words._

_Suddenly, a shadow appeared outside the window, right before their eyes.  The badly deteriorated face of the ghost hung upside-down, its empty eye sockets squirming with maggots.  And it was staring straight at them!_

_They screamed._

“GAH!”

“Shhh!” hissed an annoyed Eri, slapping me lightly on the arm.  “Quiet!”

“B-But I couldn’t help it,” I whispered back, shielding my eyes with trembling fingers.  “It’s too much!  This movie is too scary!”

The other movie patrons were probably fed up to the teeth with my involuntary screams by now, but ‘The Haunted Village’ was simply too frightening for words.  If it was a campy zombie film I might enjoy it.  But Eri had a penchant for the strange and, apparently, for the macabre as well, and that was why we were watching this.  I could tell the chills were giving her thrills as well, but it wasn’t the case for poor old me.

“Geez, it’s fine to be scared,” huffed Eri, “but that doesn’t mean you can yell the whole place down!  Can we not have one more scream out of you for the rest of the movie, Neku?  Please?”

My hands were gripping the armrests so hard they could disintegrate into dust.  “I’ll… I’ll try.”

Following the obligatory chase sequence by the angry ghost, the film cut to a relatively calmer scene where it was daylight and our two hapless protagonists managed to survive (that’s the boy and girl in the movie, not me and Eri).  The moment that had allegedly gotten the media in a buzz had finally arrived and it was the much-ballyhooed steamy shower scene.  And of course to sensationalize things further, it had to be the girl who was taking the bath.

As a normal guy, I naturally grew a little excited with the anticipation of some nice flashes of skin.  There was a little pang of guilt and a part of me was saying that I shouldn’t be looking at things like this, but whatever reservations I had melted away when the… um… uh… Wow… no actual nudity here… The steam obscured her body in a very tasteful way… Very… interesting…

Then the camera got a good clear shot of her face.  It never crossed my mind before, but upon closer inspection, the girl looked a great deal like Eri.

The resemblance was uncanny.  The high cheekbones, that fair skin, and that smoky bedroom gaze.  The girl turned to the camera, and for the briefest second, her eyes met with the audience.  In my fuzzy head I imagined it was Eri who was beckoning me with that come-hither look.  I shuddered.

Come to think of it, Eri was a regular presence at my home, and as such, she often showered at my place too.  Maybe… this was how she took her baths… first the neck, then the shoulders, then moving down to…

Argh, stop!  I didn’t know how many times I had to shake my head to clear it, but it was enough to jiggle my brain stupid.  Why… Why did I have to think about Eri like this…  Why did –

“Neku,” whispered Eri, “what’s wrong?”

“Whoa!”  It just burst from my mouth.  Eri had to shush me up urgently.

“Wh-What’s with that outburst?!”

“I-It’s because you’re naked and in the shower!”

“Huh?!”  Her eyebrows were knitted in confusion.

“Um… oh, shoot.  N-Never mind!  Ahaha!”

Eri shot me a weird look before shrugging and returning to the movie.  I dug into my seat as far as I could go, so mortified was I.  Remind me not to mix up reality with fantasy again!

My trials weren’t over yet.  Something was creeping into my personal space… I thought at first that it was the ghost from the movie coming to haunt me, but it turned out to be Eri’s hand, reaching out slowly for mine.  I could have gasped then, but fear of being reprimanded kept me silent.  I knew couples often held hands during movies, but was she seriously going to do this to me?!

I watched her hand creep further.  The closer her hand approached mine the harder my heart thumped.  Was she really going to hold hands with me, even when she was fully aware that she had a boyfriend?  I didn’t know what to think.  Or rather, there was so much to think about that I didn’t know which thought was right.  The cacophony inside my head was a giant jumbled chunk of nonsense that went something like this:

Even though Eri and I were on a pretend date, it might be nice to know what it feels like to touch a girl’s hand.  However, my feelings for Shiki, while slowly dwindling, were still swimming about in my heart, so it was confusing.  What exactly should I feel?  And of course there was the matter of whether Eri’s boyfriend might be watching us, and if he did, I would be a goner.  She had reassured me that he wouldn’t break any of my bones or teeth, but she never said he wouldn’t wring out my intestines and wrap them round my neck like a garland, right?  Such a gruesome death might turn me into a vengeful ghost like the one in ‘The Haunted Village’.  And the last thing I wanted was to spend my life – er, death? – hunting down scantily-clad teenagers and scaring the heck out of them by hanging upside-down in front of a window with a fistful of worms in my eyes!  The horror!  And then –

Oh god!  She was getting dangerously close!  I braced myself for the feeling of her hand on mine… and whatever terrible fate would await me afterwards.

But she didn’t touch it.  Instead she was reaching for the tub of popcorn on my lap.  She rummaged for a fistful of kernels and popped them into her mouth.

I could only stare at her blankly.  Whether it was in confusion or disappointment because I expected something good to happen out of it… I didn’t know.  I just stared.  And she quickly noticed.

Another weird look from her.  “Wh-What?”

“Um, n-nothing!”

“You’re creepy, Neku.  If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought you were a ghost yourself.”

“S-Sorry…”

Darn it… This was getting out of control.

At least keeping myself busy with all those thoughts in my head lessened the brunt of the fright caused by the ghost appearing behind the girl right in the shower.

XOXOXOXOXO

“Save for the odd scream or two from you,” quipped Eri, “I’d say that was one heck of a fantastic movie!”

“Uh… well… good for you…”

The movie had reached its bone-chilling conclusion (in the end, the ghost always wins), and all the moviegoers were trooping out of the cinema, going their separate ways.  Eri was as lively as any other day, but the film had scared me so much that I almost looked like a phantom myself.  And yet the film was one thing.  Having Eri hovering around in my thoughts was another, and frankly, that might be the greater issue of the two.

Why in the world was I constantly thinking about someone I knew I wasn’t interested in?

She nudged me in the ribs to get my attention, but it caused me to recoil comically.  “Ow!”

“Ow indeed,” she chuckled, liking my reaction.  “Ow indeed.”

“Don’t do that!”

“Hey, I could use a drink, maybe an ice cream.  And since the movie must have dehydrated you to the max, how about we go for sundaes at the family restaurant down the street?”

At the nearest ice cream parlor, over a banana split for her and a regular chocolate sundae for me, we took our time to discuss ‘The Haunted Village’.

“I loved the part where the girl was exploring the hidden cellar,” giggled Eri in morbid glee.  “You could feel the tension oozing out of the screen as she was walking over all those dead bodies!  Neku, which part was your favourite?”

“When I left the cinema.”

“Psh!  You just can’t appreciate a good horror flick.”  She swiped a wad of ice cream into her mouth.  “You’re missing out on a lot!”

“If it’ll give me nightmares later, I don’t mind missing out.”

“You’re no fun…”

The whole time she was talking, she seemed to be making quite a few glances at my ice cream bowl.  I didn’t think much of it until, without warning, she jabbed her spoon into my sundae, robbed me of one precious spoonful, and shoved it into her mouth.  She closed her eyes and moaned in delight at the flavour, “Mmm…!  God!  Chocolate is  _sooo_ yummy!”

“Wh-What are you doing?!” I snapped.

“Huh?”

“Don’t ‘huh’ me!  Why’d you take from my ice cream with your own spoon?!”

This caused Eri to pause and stare at me blankly for a second before replying, “Your ice cream looked delicious, so I just wanted to take a small bite…”

“But it’s unhygienic!  You don’t touch another person’s food with your own spoon and stuff!”

“Oh, my bad…” It seemed like she understood, but I was wrong.  “It’s mean of me to steal from you, so… here.”  She hastily scooped a generous spoonful of ice cream from her banana split and extended it towards me.  “This is to pay you back for what I took.  Now, say ‘Ahhh’.”

I recoiled in my seat, growing steadily redder.  “Just what sort of devilry are you up to this time?!”

She sighed in slight annoyance.  “What do you mean, ‘this time’?  Look, there’s gotta be a healthy mix of give and take in this world.  That’s how life works.  So to make up for what I did, I’m happy to part with a little of my own ice cream.”

“Are you expecting me to eat from  _your_  spoon?!”

“What’s so weird about it?”

“Everything!”  Lack of hygiene was one thing, but the bigger picture, which she failed to see, was that feeding someone like this was strictly reserved for couples in a very loving relationship.  Plus, it simply was too embarrassing!

Our little ‘dispute’ gradually became known to the rest of the patrons in the parlor, and though they must have done their best to ignore us, I could feel their sideways glances.  The blush on my face was hot enough to melt the ice cream in my bowl.  Eri, however, neither minded nor cared.  She had an amazing immunity to embarrassment.

“Come on!” grumbled Eri impatiently.  “Trust me, the banana split is heavenly!  Besides, one bite wouldn’t hurt.  There’s no way you’ll catch a lifetime of colds from something as harmless as this.”

This was getting seriously unbearable.  Yet there was no way to break myself out of this situation, because Eri was a stubborn girl.  She wouldn’t stop until she got what she wanted.  I couldn’t run away, because she wasn’t the type to look to the skies if I were to point upwards shouting “Look!  It’s a flying elephant!”  No matter which way I sliced it, escape was impossible.  I had to grin and bear this ordeal. 

Defeated, I sighed, “Got it…”

That wide sunny smile of hers returned.  “Good!  Now, Neku, say ‘Ahhh’.”

I pried my jaws ajar.  “Urk…”

She only ‘tched’ and frowned at me.  “You have to say ‘Ahhh’, not that weird squawk!”

Fine.  I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped for the best.  “Ahhh.”

The world was pitch black all around me but through my closed eyelids I could almost see her spoon approaching at a snail’s pace.  My only thought was for her to get the whole thing over with already.  As soon as cold metal touched my tongue, I hastily closed my lips around the spoon, and the sweet aroma of her banana split filled me up.  The moment the spoon slipped out of my mouth, I felt a little more relieved.  Finally it was over.

“Well?” cooed Eri.  “How was it?  Bananas sure are the bomb, huh?”

I didn’t know where to look, though I had to admit it was my first time tasting a banana split, and it was great in more ways than one.

“…It’s good.”

She just chuckled.  Dammit, I knew she was enjoying this!  Making a complete fool out of me and – wait, she just scooped up another dollop of ice cream from her bowl and shoved the thing in my direction.

“Wh-What is it now?!” I gulped.  “You just fed me, you know!  That’s more than enough!”

“Well, I did say there’s got to be give and take,” she shrugged, “but in some instances, it’s not so simple.  You know how you have to pay interest when you borrow from the bank?  Life works like that too.  So right now, I’m paying interest.”

“Y-Your logic makes little sense.”

“Whatever.”  She poked her spoon in my direction.  “Now say ‘Ahhh’.”

I had little choice but to give in again.  Oh god.  Was this heaven… or was it hell?


	5. Pretend Date Hijinks, Part 2

The steam was still billowing from the top of my head as we left the ice cream parlor.  Eri had spoon-fed me a cringe-worthy total of four times, and the whole experience had left me in a daze.  It was all I could do to walk straight.

She didn’t seem bothered in the very least though.

“That was refreshing!” she sighed contentedly.  “Nothing beats a good bowl of ice cream.  The light yet rich taste rolling around on your tongue, and the freezing feeling down the throat… It’s something I wouldn’t tire of anytime soon!”

“C-Can I go home now?”

She frowned at my attitude.  “Not until this date is over.  Geez, Neku, here I am trying to help you feel better and this is how you thank me?”

“I appreciate the effort, but the delivery needs work.”

Her retort stopped dead in her throat when she spied something out of the corner of her eye.  When she turned to look, her face lit up like she just had a fantastic idea, or at least what she thought was a fantastic idea, but for me it felt like another one of those moments where I go “Now what?!”

“Ooh, look, Neku!” she squealed.  “That shop over there!”

Completely disinterested, I let out a low groan.  “What about it?”

“It’s a ladies’ boutique that opened up not too long ago.  I’m itching to see what clothes they’ve got on sale.  Oh my goodness!  40% off everything?!  That’s what I want!  Neku, we simply  _have_  to get in there.”

Hearing this set alarm bells ringing in my head.  After all, a combination of Eri and a hip clothing store was a recipe for an afternoon of non-stop no-holds-barred shopping, and I was tired of being a valet to carry her bags!

“Hey, wait just a darn second!” I snapped.  “I thought you’d promised not to go shopping during this date!”

“B-B-But my excitement level is rising!  And if I don’t check it out now, I could just explode!”  Judging by the way she was shaking, she might very well do just that.  She was going to become the end of the world, but not if I could help it.

“Come on, Eri.”  I grabbed her by the arm and started dragging her in the opposite direction.  “Not today.”

“Wait!” she protested.  “You can’t do this to me!  You’re cutting off my very lifeblood!”

“Look, I just don’t want to be buried in shopping bags all over again.  We’re not doing this!”

“Huh, so that’s it?”

I frowned at her half in confusion and half in annoyance.  “What do you mean?"

She freed herself from my hand and paused for a moment to think.  Was she pondering over how to blackmail me into doing her bidding?  Whatever it was, it wouldn’t work this time!  But when she next spoke she had a surprisingly agreeable proposal for me.

“Well, how about this?” she offered.  “If I promise not to buy anything today, will you let me visit that shop?  At the very least, I want to have a look-see.  I’m sure that’s fine with you, right?”

That caused me to stop and think too.  It sounded like a good deal, but only when Eri didn’t have her dirty tricks up her sleeve, and she had them by the basketful.  With her there was no such thing as being overly cautious.  In fact it was probably a requirement.  Still, if I didn’t need to lug around a whole bunch of bags…

“If you really mean your word, Eri, then fine.  I’ll let you go and take a look.  I’ll even accompany you.”

“Super!”  Her wide grin was one of joy and relief.  “I knew you were nice!”

“Let’s just get the whole thing over with already.”

“You really are a party pooper, Neku,” she sighed.  But it didn’t dampen her spirits in the very least.  She was still in a dangerously sunny mood, and I didn’t have any sunglasses with me.

XOXOXOXOXO

“Is this the place?” I asked her.

“Yup,” she replied.  “Sure is.”  Her eyes were darting everywhere in a maniacal manner.

The boutique was like any other that I had seen so far.  Same range of clothing, same window displays, same mannequins and the same courteous salespersons.  There was nothing that set it apart from the rest, and if I wasn’t told by Eri that it had just recently opened up, I would have thought it had been here for years.  I guess that’s the most important difference between someone who cares about fashion and someone who doesn’t.

The second most important difference is that a fashion-minded person would most likely respond to the presence of a boutique in a rabid, barely-controlled manner that a fashion-indifferent person wouldn’t.

Eri certainly was acting rabid now.

“Stop it, will you?” I chided her quietly.  “You’re panting like a dog!”

“I… I can’t help it… So many… to choose from… So many…”

“Gimme a break…”

With a shaking hand and glassy eyes she called the nearest salesgirl over.  Then she almost gave me a heart attack by saying, “E-Excuse me, miss… I… I’d like all of these, please!”

I had to flick Eri in the forehead to wake her up.  “Snap out of it!”

Now that she was forced back to normal, I politely shooed the confused salesgirl away and we went back to our original plan of window shopping.  Eri looked disappointed but she had a promise to keep, and I was going to make sure she did.

The wide range of clothing on sale made Eri as jumpy and excited as a flea on crack.  I watched her dart from shelf to shelf examining everything.  Nothing escaped her sharp eyes – jeans, skirts, blouses…  Something about clothes gave her a natural high, and all the while there was a constant smile on her face.  It almost looked cute how she was squealing.  I reasoned that if I couldn’t make Shiki happy like this, then, well, I could bridge that empty hole in my heart by letting Eri be happy.

She swiped three pieces seemingly at random and said, “Neku, could you wait a bit?  I’m going to try some of them out.”

My stomach sank to the bottom of my shoes.  “What?  But why?  I thought we’re here to just look around.  And I know you’re just going to take forever.”

“You made me promise not to buy anything, but that doesn’t mean I can’t test out these clothes.”

“Are you some kind of addict or something?!”

“A deal may be a deal,” she chuckled, “but when there are loopholes to exploit, then I’ll be sure to use them well.”

I groaned but let her do as she pleased.  She had won this argument fair and square.  As she popped into the nearest fitting room I could foresee a long time spent waiting for her to be finally satisfied.  Was there no way to escape from her clutches?

A minute or two passed, and I was still bored.  There was nothing interesting in the men’s section, but then what would a fashion-illiterate guy like me know anyway.  Then as if out of mercy, the fitting room door popped open and out stepped Eri.  In a pair of hot pants and a tube top.  An ensemble more shocking and revealing than even her usual outfit.

I didn’t know where to look.  What she was wearing left so little to the imagination, and she was in public!

“Neku,” she said, striking an overly ostentatious pose, “what do you think?”

“Uh… It looks fine on you.”  Why did she have to wear that?!  People were staring, and while I was getting embarrassed for her, I was mostly embarrassed for myself.  And why didn’t she mind?!  Because… oh, wait.  Because she’s crazy, that’s why.

She didn’t take my canned response very well.  “You’re not even looking!”

“If you cover yourself up a little more, I might actually take a gander.  But half a shirt and 10% of a pair of trousers doesn’t count as decent.”

“It’s summer wear!” she protested.  “ _Summer!_   How can I afford to wear T-shirts and baggy pants like you do?!  The heat will get to me real quick in stuff like that and I’ll get all sweaty and icky.  There’s nothing worse than damp clothes sticking to the skin!  It’s gross!”

“Calm yourself,” I deadpanned, “and coolness will follow.”

“ _You_  calm yourself, blockhead!”

She zipped back into the fitting room, seemingly annoyed.  In five seconds flat she was back out in slightly more agreeable attire.  So slightly, it was almost indiscernible.  The look on her face suggested that I should give her a better opinion this time, but whether that could happen or not I would have to see.  Knowing her, it probably wouldn’t happen.

I gave her the head-to-toe, but was dismayed that she was just as liberal with the skin-baring as before.  But at the same time, a small part of me was enjoying the sight.  Even before this when I was still dreaming about Shiki, it was something of a guilty pleasure of mine to be able to see Eri wearing so little so often, be it at home or otherwise.  And you couldn’t really blame me; I was a healthy young guy.  If a girl was standing around in tight leather jeans and a bustier top that left her back naked save for flimsy criss-cross support strings… then of course I’d be tempted to look.  Like now.  Because that was what she was wearing.

“Try calming yourself after this,” she snickered.  She turned around to show off the detail of the strings at the back.  My stomach flipped and my brain flipped and everything inside me flipped.

“I’m calm.  Really, I am.”

“You’ve got a nosebleed.”  Her laughter had an edge of victory.

One of the salesgirls, taking pity on me, offered some tissues which I gratefully took and jammed up my nostrils.  I sounded like an elephant.  “I said I’m A-OK!”

“Denying the truth when it’s so obvious?  That’s cute, Neku.”

“Ngh… quit it, man…”

“Well, bloody noses aside,” she coughed, now a little calmer, “there are about five more pieces here that I want you to see me in.  I just need your opinion, you know?  Helps me to brainstorm more ideas for my fashion design thing.”

“I don’t think I’ve got a choice,” I groaned.

“And if you need to let loose with your nosebleeds, by all means, please do!  That’s a good indication I’ve found a winner!”

“A-Are you making fun of me?!”  But once again she just laughed my irritation off.

“You’ll like this next one.  It’s a real killer and it’s the latest from – ”  Her sentence came to an abrupt end.  Her eyes were staring beyond me and she looked like she had spotted something either very good or very bad.  In this case, it was very, very ugly.

“Eri?”

“Shoot!” she gasped.  “It’s him!”

Whenever a girl in Shibuya goes “It’s him!” she is usually referring to The Prince.  But the flamboyant J-Pop singer with an attitude and a liking for cowboy boots was nowhere to be seen.  All there was to see was a mass of shoppers who looked alike.

“Who?” I shrugged.  “Who is it?”

“I’ve got to hide,” she gulped, diving back into the fitting room for god-knows-what-reason.  …Hang on.  Why did she grab my wrist?  I barely had time to think before she yanked me into the room with her.  It knocked the breath out of me as my entire body sailed inside.

“Eri!  What’re you – mmph?!”

“Quiet!” she hissed, clapping my mouth shut in one hand.  With her free hand she reached around me, closed the door and locked it, trapping the two of us in like a casket lid.

The horror!  A guy and a girl stuck together in a confined place such as this… This wasn’t supposed to be like some outlandish setting in a badly directed R-rated film!  What was wrong with Eri?!  Did she suddenly have this mad desire to do “things” in public?!  She was never one for modesty, but this was ridiculous!  I still had a long life ahead of me and I’d be darned if I would be caught by the police and thrown in jail!

My efforts to struggle away and escape to freedom were great but useless.  I couldn’t budge.  I couldn’t even talk with her hand clamped over my mouth.  And when I mumbled to get her to take that offending hand away, she only grew irritated and pressed me against the door.

“Quiet,” she repeated.  There was a sense of urgency in her voice that, despite the craziness of this situation, I simply couldn’t ignore.  And so I eventually stopped squirming and went silent.

A few tense moments went by.  Her eyes were looking to the side, as though listening out for anything strange.  Then she finally spoke and removed her hand.

“Sorry about this, Neku,” she whispered, looking genuinely apologetic for a change.  “But I didn’t have a choice.  I saw him…”

“Who’s ‘him’?” I asked.

Her face twitched a bit in guilt.  “My… My boyfriend.”

I groaned.  “I knew it was a bad idea going out on a pretend date.  Why did you want to do this when you’ve already got a boyfriend?”

“What’s so weird about a pretend date between friends?”

“That’s just it.  It’s weird no matter how you slice it.  It just isn’t the kind of thing that would even cross your mind when you’re hooked up with someone.  For example, if I’ve got a girlfriend, I wouldn’t hang out with another girl, like just the two of us.  It’ll just create lots of misunderstandings and senseless arguments and our relationship would go down the drain.”

“But I can’t just sit idly by watching you brood and get all depressed over Shiki.  You’re my treasured friend… I just want to help you get over it and feel better, that’s all.”

My heart skipped a beat upon hearing that.  We were close pals by now, but I never knew she cared about me like this.  Her next words, however, deadened the impact of what I otherwise felt was a more thoughtful and agreeable side of her.

“Besides, Neku, I was scared you might kill yourself pining over Shiki.  Maybe stuff your head in the oven or something.”

“H-Hey, I’m not so weak, you know.”

“Can’t hurt to be careful,” she giggled softly.

“Another thing.  Eri, how long do we have to stay like this?”

“Until I’m sure it’s safe.  My boyfriend is still lurking out there, you know.  I can sense that formidable aura of his…  Or maybe it’s his cologne I’m picking up.  Either way he’s there.”

“So we’ll be here for a little while… but in the meantime, could you at least give me some, um, breathing space?  It’s tight in here!”

“Even if you say that,” countered Eri, “I don’t exactly have a lot of elbow room myself.  Just grin and bear it.”

So easy for her to say!  The fitting room was small and meant for only one person, so with the two of us it felt like the inside of a can of anchovies.  Eri was clinging onto me and her body was snugly pressed against my frame.  Her ivory fingertips were resting on my arms and just the mere touch was giving me goosebumps.  Yet this couldn’t hold a candle to the feeling of her breasts on my chest.  She wasn’t hugely disproportionate, but she wasn’t… well, small either.  And they were nice and firm; let’s just leave it at that.  The sensation was enough to launch me into outer space.

And because the mirror was behind her, I could see her back in all its fantastic almost-naked glory.  Who’d have thought strings could be so kinky?

I could just explode.  One more spark on my fuse and I’d be a living fireworks display.

But the worst (best?) was yet to come.

“Oh no!” she gasped.  “I just remembered!  I have to set my phone to silent mode in case he calls me!  If he hears my ringtone from inside this fitting room and comes over to investigate, we’re done for.”

“Y-You’re right.  Even I can pick out your  _Cheese My Boring Plover_  from amidst a crowd.”

“It’s  _She’s My Four-Leaf Clover_ , you dolt!” she snarled.  “And it’s The Prince’s number one hit song right now, so don’t you forget it!  You dare to desecrate it one more time and you’ll pay dearly.”

“…You fangirls are crazy.”

Eri would have pinched the heck out of me any other day, but I would cry out in pain and give us away, so she didn’t this time.

Onto more important matters, though: she still had to fix that phone.  She was trying to reach for the pocket of her leather jeans, but the confines of the fitting room made it hard to maneuver about.  And so she had to wiggle this way and that to try and get a hold of her phone before potential disaster struck.  But…

“Eri!” I squeaked.  “Wh-What’re you doing?!”  Her breasts dug deeper into my chest and you could imagine the effect it had on me.

“I-I’m sorry,” she panted.  “I placed my phone into these jeans to see if the pockets were deep enough, but now I can’t seem to get at it…!”  She doubled her efforts, but her squirming made her look like one of those exotic dancers slinking around a pole.  And I was that pole.  Every little touch felt like electricity through my nerves.

At last she gave up, and all was still.  My systems were fried so much I swore I could hear the sound of my own hormones blazing throughout my body.

“It’s no use,” she said with a huff.  Then the stupidest idea popped by her brain for a visit.  “Wait, Neku… You’ve got a free hand!  Dig inside my pocket and get my phone for me, will you?”

“What?!” I gulped.  “You want me to WHAT?!  No way!  Absolutely not!”

“Look, desperate times call for desperate measures.  My boyfriend calls me on a regular basis, like five-times-a-day regular, so it could start ringing any moment!  Get it for me, quick!”

“Five times a day isn’t regular… that’s just plain obsessive.”

“Will you hurry up already?!  If something happens and my relationship is doomed because of you, I’m making you wear a maid’s outfit in public!”

I gulped harder.  “You’re not making me –”

In a more sinister tone, she added, “And believe me, I will.  You can bet on that.  I’ve got… ways to make people cave in.”  Her narrowed eyes only served to reiterate how frightening she really was.

Even if Eri’s sanity was at an all-time low, this was all too much to bear, especially the thought of feeling her thigh through the thin fabric of the jeans!  However… being made to parade around Shibuya in a maid costume was the worse option hands down.  Right now I had the power to stop that from happening, but to do that I’d have to practically feel her up!

On the bright side, I could take advantage of this, and –

But I’m a gentleman, not a pervert!  What the heck was I even thinking?!

“Fine,” I said nervously.  “I’ll do it.”

A quick prayer to whoever could protect my soul and I was somewhat ready to take the plunge.  Literally.

My free hand was trembling as I reached for her pocket.  The jeans she was wearing had the pockets down the front, not at the sides.  It would be easy to slip my hand in, but the real challenge was prying the phone out.  And that pocket looked awfully tight.

When my fingertips came into contact with the texture of the leather, I shuddered.   _I’m not a pervert_ , I kept telling myself.   _I’m just doing this to help a friend in need._   The blood was dripping from my nose as my fingers crept in deeper, and Eri wasn’t making things any better for me.  The way she was, um, moaning… and… writhing… was, uh…

“E-Eri,” I almost pleaded, “please stop moving.  I can’t do anything like this.”

“But I can’t help it,” she whined, growing as red as me.  “It’s… ticklish.”  She was clutching onto my shirt for dear life and I feared it would tear.

“If you could just keep still for a sec – ”

“Unnh…!”

“Wh-What’s with that moan?!” I spluttered, panicking.  “Don’t do that!”

“I can’t help it!  It’s completely involuntary!  Do you expect a normal person to hold it in when you’re groping their thigh?!”

“I’m not groping!”

“Neku… your nose is bleeding harder.”

“Don’t change the topic so weirdly!”

This was madness.  I diverted my face away and squeezed my eyes shut.  And, hopefully, when I opened them again, I’d be back in bed at home where I could breathe a sigh of relief and say that  _it was all just a dream_.

Eri jumped and gave an “eep”.  “N-Neku, your hand is slipping in the wrong place!  That’s my underwear!”

All at once a cold sweat broke out all over my body.  I froze, too paralysed to pull out my hand; too bad my nose wouldn’t paralyse together with the rest of my body, because it bled even more now.  From a waterfall to a tsunami!  Oh god!

“Ack!  I’m sorry, Eri!  I’ll just –”

“Huh?  …Oh, wait.  False alarm.  I thought it was my underwear but it’s not.  Carry on.”

Nothing could describe how relieved I felt.  “D-Don’t scare me like that…”

Just how deep in her pocket was that stupid phone anyway?!  I had half of my hand wedged inside now, and all the while the luscious flesh of her thigh was teasing me through the fabric.  How it tempted me so!

Then, after what felt like ages, my fingers collided with something solid.  It must be her cell phone; I had struck gold at last, and about time too!  I was so worried I would faint from the whole ordeal, but now there was a little more hope.

It was easier said than done to grab a hold of it.  I had to use the tips of my fingers like a pair of forceps to grip the phone, and pulling it out was difficult, though I could manage somewhat.  It was almost out.  Just a little more…  But just when my battle was about to come to an end…

…the phone rang!

Both of us jumped in unison when The Prince’s voice suddenly blared out, belting out lyrics like there was no tomorrow.  In a way, for us, there  _was_  no tomorrow.

“Oh, crud!” gulped Eri.  “That’s my boyfriend!  This is the third time he’s called me up today!  …Or is it the fourth?”

I hissed at her, “Now’s not the time to wonder about that!”

“This is bad!  He’ll hear us!  And if he does…”

The phone was still in my hand, half-embedded in her pocket, vibrating and singing that cheesy nonsense.  The air was tense.

“Must you answer that, Eri?  You can ignore him, right?!  I mean, one missed call isn’t gonna kill you.”

“But he’ll get mad if I ignore him,” she whimpered with an uneasy frown.  “And he doesn’t breach many excuses.”

I didn’t know why at the time, but hearing that ticked me off a little.  I had heard of relationships where one partner was overly domineering and possessive.  Was her boyfriend such a person?  It sure would seem that way with him, but it was too early to jump to conclusions.  Unfortunately, that was what I did, and I regretted it quickly.

I snapped, “What is he, some kind of control freak?  He sounds like a total kook to me.”

Eri was taken aback by my words.  Her eyes widened just the tiniest bit, and a lesser person wouldn’t have been able to see the hurt on her face, but I was observant enough to notice.  It simply wasn’t done badmouthing someone’s lover.  As terrible as he may have sounded, she still loved him.  What was more, I didn’t know the guy, so what right had I to make assumptions about him?  Suddenly I felt very, very bad.

“S-Sorry, Eri,” I murmured.  “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…”

What I imagined must be her hurt feelings still lingered.  “Neku, please give me my phone,” she said flatly.  “I need to answer it.”

I pried it loose from her pocket and slipped it in her hand.  What had I done?  I was sure she’d dislike me now, and just when I was starting to think she was cute and – No.  No, I didn’t think of her that way.  I really didn’t… right?

As I was busy thinking about how best to apologise to her, she started to smirk.  Not at me, though.  She was staring at her cell phone display with a look of incredulity and amusement.  Then, to my surprise, she actually started to giggle.  What was so funny?

“Neku,” she chuckled, “it looks like we were both mistaken.  Look.”

She held up her phone for me to see.  On the display, the phone’s caller ID had identified the caller, and it was Shiki.

It wasn’t Eri’s boyfriend after all!  The relief washed over me like a big wave.  She answered the call and began talking to Shiki about who-knows-what-but-who-cares.  I was too preoccupied with the feeling of being alive.  After all, I avoided certain death from being beaten up.

The conversation ended quickly and Eri’s chipper self returned.  “That was a close one, Neku!  We could have had our butts handed to us!”

“Yeah.”  My throat felt so parched from the tension of earlier, but it didn’t stop me from chuckling myself.  “Now, if you’re sure we’re safe, we ought to get out of here.  I’m not sticking here another minute.”

She agreed with me for once.  “My boyfriend has what he calls the five-minute policy.  He doesn’t like shopping, so the longest he sticks around in a department store is five minutes; even lesser if it’s close to 6 pm like now.  He always get hungry around this time, and when he does, he usually hits up a ramen shack or simply heads back home.  Long story short, I think the coast is clear.”

“…You know an awful lot about him.  Are you sure you’re not some rabid stalker?”

“Well, excuse me!”  She sounded slightly miffed.  “I  _am_  his girlfriend, you know!”

“Uh-huh.  Let’s just get the heck outta here.”

“Oh wait.  I’m going to have to change first.”  She was still decked out in that bustier top and jeans.

“I’ll get out so you can change.”

“Um, wait…” She gave a nervous giggle.  “I… I think I need help taking off the bustier.  It’s, like, stuck or something.”

My eyes grew wide.  “Huh?”

“Neku, I hate to ask favours of you but could you help me again?  You just need to undo the strings and – ”

“U-Undo the strings?!”  Was she talking about the strings hugging her back that were now holding the top together?!  “What’s wrong with your evil little head?!”

“Kidding, kidding!” she laughed.  “Do you need a blood transfusion?”

“Of course not!” I huffed, clutching my bleeding nose.  “You, on the other hand, need a brain transplant!”

She just giggled herself to bits as I disentangled myself from her and stepped out of the fitting room.  I was met with stares from customers and salesgirls alike.  They had seen me being dragged inside together with Eri, and I was sure they were thinking about what sort of hanky-panky we might be up to.  Too bad there was no hole in the floor I could bury myself in.

XOXOXOXOXO

“That wasn’t all too bad!” said a smiling and satisfied Eri.  “We evaded my boyfriend safely.  How about that!”

“Eri… That’s not something to be proud of.”

“Oh, come now.  You’ve got to look at the lighter side of life!  And hey, I just got myself a sexy new top and jeans, so that sweetens the deal a whole lot!  So now I’ll just buy these hot numbers, and – ”

I stopped her as she was just about to trot over to the cashier.  “Hold it, hold it!  You’re not making me carry your shopping bags!”

“Is this about that promise?  But… but it’s just two itty-bitty pieces of clothing.  I’m actually limiting myself today.  Surely you’re okay with just two?  They’re really light.  It wouldn’t break your back.”

“That’s not it!” I seethed.  “This is a matter of principle!  We had a deal!  A promise!  You swore you wouldn’t make any purchases… or have you forgotten?!”

She tried again to get through to me using various reasons, and she was getting desperate.  Her words came out in a flurry of nonsense that I couldn’t care less about.  “But it’s on sale!  Huge discounts!  It’s a steal!  Who can resist that?  I can’t!  Plus… it’s so cute and I’ve already made plans to wear it on my next girls’ night out.  When you enjoy the nightlife, you have to do it in style, and this is style!”

“Come on, Eri.  At least keep to your word…”

Listening was a quality that Eri was famously lacking.  “And besides, you like this bustier top so much.  If you let me buy this, I’ll wear it for you next time I pop by your house –”

My face lit up red.  “Th-That’s not going to convince me!”

When I stepped back to think about it, I sounded mean for not letting her have her way.  And if it was really only two pieces…

“Fine,” I shrugged, defeated.  “Only these, okay?  Nothing more!”

Her victory grin was as bright as ever.  “Hee hee.  I knew you’d fold.”

Eri and I had dozens if not hundreds of harmless but senseless arguments like this one by now, and in every one we had, she always won.  What irked me every time was how she could twist my arm into losing.  I was sure she had a whole book of dirty tricks at hand and she was using them to the fullest!

And so we left the store.  She was humming happily while I was left with a single shopping bag dangling by my hand.  I didn’t want to carry anything, but at least it was only one bag, so thank goodness for small miracles.

“Cha-ching!” she whooped. “Great purchase!”

“Cha-ching?  That’s what the cashiers would say, Eri, not you.”

“Why not?  With a 40% discount I saved a little more money for myself.”  She rubbed her hands eagerly.  “Ooh, now I’m fired up!  Let’s go someplace next!  This date is far from over!”

“Please let it not be a boutique,” I groaned.

“Oh, it’s not, don’t worry.”  Her hand waved in the direction of our next pit-stop, and my jaw dropped in horror.  “It’s not strictly a boutique… more like a lingerie store.”

I could feel the blood bubbling in my nose as I stammered the shop’s name: “ _Lacy Temptations_?!”

“Yeah!  Great timing too!  I need a new bra anyway.  Mine has been getting a little tight these days.”

“T-T-Tight?!”  Oh no… nosebleed incoming!

XOXOXOXOXO

It was nearly 7 pm by the time we were done shopping.  Eri had kept her promise… to a degree.  I was grateful that I wasn’t buried in shopping bags – I had just two now – but I wished that just once, she’d be a bit more trustworthy.

We retired to Miyashita Park to take a final breather from today’s roller coaster of a date before we would wrap it up and call it a night.  There were some wide benches which made ideal resting places, and we were sitting side by side on one.  Being the talkative sort, Eri had a lot to discuss.

“…And when we ended up in that fitting room, I was so scared we’d be found out.  But it was kinda exciting at the same time!  Like we’re train robbers running from the law or something.  Wouldn’t you agree, Neku?”

“I lost half of my lifespan back there,” I groaned.  “That was scary.”  It was exciting alright, not because of the thrill of the danger, but because of… well, you know by now.  Eri sure had a body to die for, and I almost died.

“Neku, are you, um, okay?  You look really pale.”

“How could I not when I’d lost so much blood?!”

She giggled.  “Sorry.  It’s just fun to tease you and watch your poor nose go ballistic.  You’re a total riot when it comes to nosebleeds.”

“Th-That’s not funny, man…  I lost about a gallon back at  _Lacy Temptations_ , and now I feel anemic.  This is all your fault.”

“Why, thank you, Neku,” she said, ruffling my hair playfully.  “It’s good to know I’ve still got it.”

I reconstructed my hair back into its original shape.  “That wasn’t a compliment!”

The evening was rolling in and it was already beginning to get dark, but we stayed for a little longer to appreciate the quietness of the empty park.  It was almost serene how Eri and I were the only ones left in this deserted place.

“Hey, Neku,” she piped up.  “Do you know now?”

I didn’t understand.  “Know… what?”

She hopped to her feet and paced back and forth leisurely in front of me.  “Remember how you were all depressed today about not knowing what it’s like to date someone?  Now you know what that feels like, right?”

Today’s date with Eri – well, pretend date, anyway – was more embarrassing and torturous than anything, but at the same time, hanging out with her gave me a sort of… pleasant feeling.  I couldn’t explain it.  But even when she was spoon-feeding me ice-cream against my will or even going dominatrix on me in a tiny fitting room, I felt happy.  That happiness was mostly shoved to the back of my mind because I was too preoccupied to actually feel it, but now that I thought back, I was awfully glad I got to share those experiences with her.

It helped to fill up the void in my heart that Shiki had left.  Thanks to Eri’s efforts, my soul pain was slowly subsiding.  Already I felt like I could carry on like normal and live a happy life, even if it was a life without Shiki.

Now, however, there was some confusion in my heart.  I didn’t know what it was, but I would find out in a moment.

“I doubt that dates are supposed to wind up this weird,” I said, “but don’t get me wrong.  I… I  _was_  glad.  Really… I was.  So… um, thanks, Eri.”

“Good to know you’ve cheered up,” she said, grinning.  “See?  You’re feeling a whole lot sunnier now, aren’t you?”

“I  _do_  feel better… But it’s weird for the girl to do the asking out.  I’d rather I do it than you.”

Her warm smile took on a mischievous flavour.  “Hmmm?  What’s this now?  Are you trying to hit on me, Neku?  Getting a little bold now, are we?”

My face was starting to turn a beautiful crimson.  “Th-That’s not it, Eri!  I didn’t mean anything weird by it… I’m just saying I have to be a gentleman.  And a gentleman always takes the initiative, right?  It just feels odd that I’m a guy and I’m being treated by a girl to a movie and stuff.  Our roles just got reversed.”

“Hmmm, yeah, that’s true.  I love a guy who takes charge.”

_Ba-dump._   Was that the sound of my heart?  Why did it…?

“Oh!  I know!” she quipped.  “Since you understand the importance of chivalry, how about I give you a chance to try it out?”

“What’d you mean?  Try what?”

“You can take me out for a movie or dinner to repay me for today’s date!  It’ll be like dating practice for you too.  How about it?”

Eri’s forwardness was startling…  “Movie?  Dinner?!”

“Give and take, Neku,” she smirked.  “That’s how the world works, right?  I did tell you.”

“So basically it’s your greed at work, huh,” I sighed.  “But it’ll be like a real date, so, um…”

She folded her arms and looked to the side, as if in deep thought.  “I wouldn’t call it a real date because we’re not going out.  More like a ‘one good turn deserves another’ sort of thing.  But hey, if you want to use me as dating practice, I’m cool.  But no kissing or holding hands, ‘kay?  I’m still taken.”

I was already rather red to begin with, but now my blush deepened.  Was this pure open-mindedness on her part or was she messing with my head again?

“Although…” she drawled, gnawing on her finger playfully, “if you impress me enough, I might just fall for you…”

“Bwuh?!”

“Ha ha, relax!” She patted me on the shoulder.  “Don’t take life so seriously!  You’ve got to loosen up a little!  …Oh, it’s getting late.  Well, it’s been fun!  Shall we be off?”

“Y-Yeah…  Right with you.”

Now I was confused.  Eri was just a really good friend, but after witnessing her selflessness and how nice she could actually be… to be honest, my heart was starting to pound a little harder.  So this was how things had turned out, huh?  Funny how I was pulling my hair out over Shiki today and now I was actually feeling  _something_  towards Eri.  Something like… love?

Me, in love with Eri?  Ha, you wish!

At least, I wanted to laugh at the very thought, but I wasn’t so sure I could do that now…


	6. I Fell in Love Again

It’s been a week ever since Eri and I went on what might arguably be the craziest date in history.  The events of that fateful day kept repeating themselves inside of my head and wouldn’t let up.

All in the space of one wild afternoon, we had watched a movie, had an ice cream, and then finished up with some shopping.  It may sound like a typical date routine straight from the dating handbook, but in truth, it was anything but normal.  The movie in question was a really frightening horror flick.  She had the cheek to spoon-feed me ice cream in public.  She stuffed the two of us inside a cramped fitting room to hide from her boyfriend.  And on top of that, she took me to a lingerie store, where I bled from the nose to near-death.

Typical date, my foot!  But…

…at the same time, I found the experience fun in its own demented way.  Eri’s oddities gave me my fair share of troubles, but I had to admit that something about the way she went about life was refreshing… maybe even cute.

Cute?  Did I just think Eri was… cute?

I didn’t know why, but lately I had been thinking a lot about her.  Sure, she’s attractive and awfully sexy, and if you can look past her quirks, she also has an easygoing personality that’s hard not to like.  And maybe she was on my mind more often these days because, well, I just wasn’t thinking about Shiki anymore ever since I found out she got herself a boyfriend.

Wrestling for Shiki’s affections at this stage was hardly worth it, so my crush on her vanished.  And now, in her place… was Eri.

I wondered what Eri really thought of me… I knew I wasn’t the coolest guy around and few girls would even look my way, but if she felt I was cute, even if it’s just a teensy bit, I guess I’d be happy.

I probably sounded like I was in love with her or something.  No matter how I tried to deny it, the truth was that little by little she was sweeping me off my feet.  Perhaps it was a good thing?

Suddenly the doorbell rang.  Who could it be at this time of night?  I hardly had anyone come over to visit me, so there was only one person who fit the bill.  And I was right.  When I swung the door open, Eri stood before me.

What I didn’t expect was that she was crying.  Whenever she arrived at my doorstep, she was either drunk or too lazy to go back home.  But for her to be in tears?  This was a first.  I had every right to be alarmed.

“Eri!” I gasped.  “Wh-What happened?  Why are you crying?!”

Tears streamed from the eyes.  She stumbled forward and latched onto the sleeves of my shirt for support, then dug her head into my chest and cried harder.  Seeing her like this made me feel sorry for her.  All I wanted right now was to be able to comfort her.  My arms were about to circle around her to give her a hug…

…but then she blew her nose on my shirt.

“Wha – Hey!”  That was my favourite shirt!

“Oh, Neku…” she sniffled.  “It’s so horrible…”

Despite what she did, I couldn’t stay mad for too long.  My shirt was ruined, but it could wait.  There was a reason she was sobbing so hard and I was going to get the bottom of this.

“What is it, Eri?  You can tell me.  I’m here to listen.”

She hesitated a little.  “My… My…”

I waited with bated breath for her to answer.  What was it that she wanted to say?  Maybe she had a fight with her parents?  Or perhaps she was mugged on the streets?  Could it be that she was being bullied at college?  Whatever it was, I wouldn’t allow it!  Eri was a friend I cared very much about and I didn’t want her to cry anymore if I could help it.

“Let it out,” I whispered.  “Don’t be afraid to tell me.”

“Neku, my… it… I…”

“Eri?”

She blurted it out in one quick breath.

“My fingernail broke!!!”

Five seconds passed.  Maybe ten.  But I was so stunned I didn’t know what to say until I recovered from the shock.

“Say what?  You’re saying your fingernail… broke?”

She nodded into my chest.  What?!  Was this ridiculous or what?!

“You’re crying because you broke your fingernail?!  Is… Is that all?!”

“Well… I also broke up with my boyfriend.”

“And why do you sound so unaffected by  _that?!_ ”

“I thought at first he was nice, but he’s been really possessive these days.  He’s more lame than suave now, and I’ve been wanting to dump that stupid jerk, so when I did, it was a great relief.”  She blew her nose into my shirt again with a vengeance.  “But I was so angry.  And then…”

“And then what?”

She sniffled, “And then I slapped him, and that was when my fingernail broke off! And I went for a manicure not too long ago too!  It’s totally wasted!”

The sound of her sobs and wails sounded muffled as she continued to bury her face in my chest.  She had been my friend long enough for me to know that she had two simple emotions: laughter and lechery.  She never cried.  So if she was ever in tears, like now, then something must have hurt her plenty.  But to think that the culprit was a broken fingernail of all things…

Eri really was insane.  Yup.

But insane or not, a crying girl was sure to induce a lot of pity.  I felt sorry for her and did the right thing to let her in so she could rest and cry it out.

“Come on,” I said, “let’s go inside.  I’ll fix you some hot cocoa.”

After coaxing her into my home and changing my ruined shirt, I set to work in the kitchen.  She sat slumped in a chair at the dining table, looking as dejected as can be.  Her tears dried up fairly quickly, though there was the occasional sniffle.

As the cocoa was simmering, I sneaked a peek over my shoulder at her.  She didn’t notice me, or if she did, she certainly didn’t care.  The sight of her looking so vulnerable tugged at my heartstrings awfully hard, and I couldn’t help thinking how, despite being in a sad wretched state, she looked so cute.  It made me want to care for her… to help cheer her up and make her feel better so I could see that cheeky smile of hers that was a staple of her personality.

“Here.”  I set our cups on the table.  She took hers and sipped slowly as I joined her at the table.  She wasn’t bawling anymore.  Things were a lot calmer.

“Eri,” I said, “let me take a look at that fingernail.”

She fidgeted uncomfortably.  “…No.”

“Why not?  I just want to see how bad – ”

“No way, Neku.  It’s ugly right now.  It’s like a… fashion faux pas.”

I spoke firmly but remained gentle.  “I don’t care if it’s ugly or not.  If your finger’s injured, we’re going to have to do something about that.”

It took a little longer than I hoped, but eventually, after much consideration, she reluctantly drew her right hand from under the table and lifted it up for me to see.  The nail on her index finger was sheared in half and it now had a jagged saw edge where it broke.  But it wasn’t that badly damaged, and with some careful filing, it’d be back to normal.  That must have been one heck of a slap, though!  If her boyfriend really was a jerk as she had put it, then I was glad he got what had been coming to him.  Served him right!

I found a nail file from somewhere and started smoothing out the rough edge of her nail.  Eri reacted to this in surprise.

“Neku, what are you doing?!” she spluttered, though she didn’t take her hand away.

“Huh?” I mumbled, confused.  “I’m just fixing your nail.”

“B-But… well, eh…”

Was she afraid I’d butcher her nail further?  “Don’t worry.  I’ll be careful.”

Her mouth was ajar like she wanted to protest or at least say something, but in the end she chose to remain silent and let me go about my business.  We spent about a minute in total quietness, accompanied only by the sound of the file scraping her nail.  In the silence, my mind was clear enough to think about a lot of things, including what her relationship must have been like and such, but the most prominent thought I had…

…was that right now as I was busy filing her nail, I was also  _holding her hand_.

I’d never held a girl’s hand before.  And Eri’s was warm to the touch.  My heart was beating so fast from touching her skin.  Now I knew how nice it was to hold hands with a girl.

“It looks pretty normal now,” I said, after I had finished.  “Sorry if it’s shorter and doesn’t look too great.  I’m not a manicurist, after all.”

She scrutinised her nail carefully, and although she had yet to say anything, she looked impressed.  In fact, she had actually become a little more cheerful, deadpanning, “You may not be a manicurist, but at least you’re not a sadist.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at her wit.

“But Neku,” she added, “seriously… thank you.  And… the cocoa is good.  I feel… a whole lot better now.”

Her words of gratitude for me were genuine, and being thanked like this took me by surprise.  But it was a pleasant surprise, and I felt so good my heart was growing wings.  And, if I wasn’t mistaken… was she blushing too?  Cute…

Onto other matters, though.  “It’s good that you’re feeling better now, Eri,” I said, “but if you still feel like you need to brood and go emo for a bit, you can stay over for the night.  No, in fact, you should stay over.  It’s really late and dark out, and I’d be worried if you were out walking around at this time of night.”

Dewy eyes met mine.  Her lips trembled as she spoke.

“Neku, I’m happy that you’re so kind to me, but… but…”

“But…?”

“Well…”  Eri was fiddling with her pink locks nervously.  “It’s just… this is the first time you’ve ever asked me to stay over on your own accord.  C-Could you be, um, propositioning me?”

I choked on my cocoa.  If I wasn’t careful I might have swallowed the whole thing down my windpipe and fatally burned my lungs.

“Wh-What gave you that idea?!”

“Neku, my heart isn’t ready for this kind of thing, you know…  You mustn’t be so hasty.  I know we’re not underage anymore, but…”

“I never said I was going to…!  I mean, that’s the kind of stuff you do only when both parties are ready… W-Wait, what are you making me say?!”

“Well… at least you understand.”

The five seconds of silence that followed never felt longer.  I was cursing myself for being so awkward about things.  But she quickly put me at ease.

“Okay, Neku,” she said softly.  “I’ll stay for the night.  All this crying and getting mad has tired me out, so I might as well.  Thank you.”  She smiled…

…and so did I.  “I’ll make you some supper.”

XOXOXOXOXO

Eri took the spare bedroom as usual.  It was already a little past midnight, but I still couldn’t sleep.  I tried counting sheep, but it wasn’t any use; it was like they were stuck under the fence.

Whenever Eri came to stay over, I never really felt like it was much to fuss over.  However, in light of my growing feelings for her, which I had now slowly come to recognize, tonight was an especially exciting night indeed.  My heart was bouncing about in my ribcage and threatening to blow it wide open like a piñata.

I did a lot of thinking in bed.  No matter how terrible her ex-boyfriend might have been, breaking up must’ve been hard on her.  Filing her nail and making her cocoa was thoughtful, but I wanted to do more for her…

What should I do?  Maybe… Wait, that’s it!  She had taken me out on a date to cheer me up, so if I took her out on a similar date, then she might just feel better!  It was perfect!  Except…

This would be the first time I actually asked a girl out on a date – even if this was going to be a pretend one – and right now, the experience I had in such matters was…

…zero.

Sure, I could do all the things she did on our first pretend date, namely take her to a movie, get an ice-cream and help her with her shopping.  But I didn’t want it to be just some carbon copy outing that was boring and had that “been there, done that” vibe.  I wanted this date to be different.  But… how?

Just then, I was startled by the sudden click of my bedroom door being opened.  The intruder lingered at the doorway, hesitant to enter.  It was pitch black and even though my eyes had adjusted to the dark, I didn’t need to see to know who it was.

“Eri?”

She let out a small “eep” and spoke in a hushed voice.  “Oh!  N-Neku, did I wake you up?  I’m sorry!”

“No, relax, I’m still awake.”  I could just about make her out in the darkness, but she was just a blotted figure.  I reached for the bedside lamp and turned it on.  “What can I do for y– Bwuh?!”

“Neku?  What is it?”

I sat upright in an instant.  “Eri, not again!   _Must_  you take off your clothes when you sleep?!”

What I said wasn’t entirely accurate, though it was close.  There she was, standing at the doorway in only her underwear, with a pillow in the crook of one arm.  The sight of a stripped-down Eri was almost getting old by now, but it was always a jarring sight nonetheless.

To my question she had a stupid answer, if it counted as one: “Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t for one,” I sighed.  “But whatever, do you need something?”

She fiddled with her fingers nervously and her eyes darted away.  “Um, Neku, I know this sounds like a lot, but… can I sleep with you tonight?”

My jaw dropped to the floor.

“WHAT!!!” I cried.  “Y-You want to sleep… with me?!”

“Uh-huh… I’m just… well, I’m feeling a little lonely tonight.  So…”

Uh-oh.  I knew where this was going.  I just knew it!  In an attempt to drown her sorrows, she was going to seduce me.  Then when I succumbed to her charms, we would have a crazy night doing all sorts of things with each other!  As sinfully tempting as that sounded, I felt it was way too early for that, all the more so when we weren’t even going out.  It almost seemed like a plot right out of a blue movie!  Girl becomes sad, girl meets boy, boy comforts girl, boy beds girl.  Oh god!

I edged away from her, gathering up the blanket around me in self-defense.  I had to stop her before I lost control of even myself!  “And you’re the one who told me your heart isn’t ready!  I thought you’re still opposed to this kind of thing!”

She frowned, but even then, she was steadily growing redder from the implications.  “Look, um, Neku, this isn’t about – so to speak – having a family and stuff.”

“It’s not?”  I felt a little better.  “Then what is it?”

“You remember how I said my boyfriend’s mean, and I dumped him?  That argument I had with him still stings plenty, and I’ve been feeling terrible all this time.”

“You feel terrible?  Are you saying you want to go back to him?”

“To that lousy skunk?  Heck no.”  She made a face in disgust.  “I don’t feel any guilt.  I did say I’ve always wanted to break it off with him.  But my heart hurts and I just need some company.  I hate being alone…”

Oh, so that was it… She just wanted a friend to relate her troubles to… a friend who could make her feel better with the right words and take away the pain.  In that case, I was more than willing to help her out, but I wasn’t sure if sleeping in the same bed with a half-naked girl was such a good idea…

“Even if you say that,” I hesitated, “sleeping together is still a bit strange…”

This got her thinking, although she should have thought of the awkwardness of it sooner!  “Hmmm… If the thought of a guy and a girl sharing a bed together freaks you out, then would it be fine if I say I’d like to sleep in your bed because I want you as my bolster?”

“Um… th-that’s not exactly helping matters either…”  If anything, it made things even harder than they already were!  Me, as a bolster?!  She’d be clinging onto me with that amazing body of hers… for the whole night?!  I wasn’t so sure I could take it.

Sensing my discomfort, she tried her hand at a softer approach to her request: “Uh, if not a bolster then maybe… a foot warmer… or, er…”  Why would anyone use a foot warmer in summer?

I didn’t want to drag this out any longer, but I couldn’t bear to shoo her back to her room to sleep alone and face her troubles by herself, so I eventually gave in.  “Well… I guess if you really really want to, you can share my bed.”

The smile she gave me was soft and warm.  “Thanks, Neku.”

She peeled my blanket aside and slipped herself in.  It was tough to restrain my urges as I watched her luscious legs go in first, and then her perky behind, and then… what beautiful underwear she was wearing!  Black was pretty darn hot… oh, heck, I was sounding like a dirty old man.  Maybe I really was one!

The lights went off and we were bathed in darkness once more.  It made my discomfort – and excitement – a little more tolerable.  I did nothing but lie ramrod straight, eyes glaring at the ceiling so hard I could burn a hole through.  It was dark and I could see nothing, but I didn’t dare to look at Eri, who was more relaxed and rolled onto her side to face me.  All I could do was to wait for the morning and hope she wouldn’t rape me in the middle of the night.

“Neku,” she mumbled, “do you have any idea of what it’s like to know true love?”

“Huh?  I’d have thought you’d know about this yourself.  Why are you asking someone who’s never even had a girlfriend?”

This caused her to pause for a second or two before replying, “Well, do you remember our date last week?  You know, when you accompanied me to the boutique and we were stuck in the fitting room?”

“Erm… Uh-huh?”

“When my phone rang and I was itching to answer it, you were visibly disgusted by how my boyfriend had this habit of checking on me so often every day.  And on hindsight, you were right that he was a kook.”

“What do you mean – Wait… you didn’t break up with him because of what I said, did you?”

“What you said made me open my eyes.  I thought I was being lovey-dovey with him, but looking back, it was more like him keeping tabs on me than anything.  I realized this was tiring and it wasn’t what I wanted so I broke things off with him.  Glad I did.  Now I feel so much freer!”

“Oh, um… if it worked out fine in the end, good for you.”

She sighed sadly.  “But it’s always like this, Neku.  I’m always flitting about from boyfriend to boyfriend, and there’s always something wrong like this with the relationship, so it never lasts long.”

I was surprised but curious at the same time.  “Really?  How long have you been with this boy – I mean, ex-boyfriend of yours?”

“Just over two months.”

“Gosh, that’s short.”

“I’ll say.”  That was a sad tone she was using… I could picture her biting her lip.  “I did some thinking.  After looking back at my love life, I saw a pattern.  In the end, I’d always find out that those ex-boyfriends are not the dream guys I’d envision them to be.  Turns out they’re either egotists without a care for my feelings, control freaks who keep tabs on me 24/7, or perverts in disguise.”

Perverts, huh?  Don’t birds of a feather flock together?  I chose to keep it to myself this time though…

She continued, “I’ve had boyfriends who appear nice, but they treat me like I’m hot merchandise… And like all merchandise, they think I’ve got an expiry date.  In other words, they get tired of their girlfriends easily, and when they do, they dump me and find someone else.  Those are the egotists.  They don’t care how I feel.  They just want to pump up their own image.

“Control freaks like the one I just broke up with care too much about me, so they’re just as bad.  They’re overly possessive and when I don’t answer their calls they get mad and accuse me of cheating behind their backs.  I get no peace at all.

“And the less we talk about the perverts the better.  They go after me only because they think I’ll put out easily.  I don’t!  Sure, they’re friendly at first but two weeks into the relationship they make demands like… well, you know.  They’re really pushy.”

I was surprised to hear this.  Eri liked her own brand of kinky humour very much, but just because she loved her naturist ways didn’t mean she was a fan of the bedroom arts.  One would have thought that with the casual manner she went about life she’d hop into bed with the nearest guy the moment she had the chance.  Looked like I was mistaken myself, but I was sure glad I was.  Inwardly I breathed a sigh of relief knowing she wasn’t too eager for this kind of thing.

Kind of ironic though.  Eri, known to be wild, was uncomfortable with the birds and bees, while Shiki, whom I thought to be demure, was probably getting it on as we speak… Oh well, whatever…

In any case, I also felt angry towards all those boyfriends she had who were bad to her.  How dare they hurt her so!  I made a silent vow to protect her from now on.

“I don’t know why I’m so unfortunate in love,” she said.  “Maybe it’s because I’ve got a carefree attitude towards life?  Maybe.  Ahaha… I can’t be sure.”

“At least you did the right thing quickly,” I said.  “It’s a good thing you broke up with them soon enough.  I’m happy for you that you did.  You’re too good for those jerk mullets.”

“Jerk… mullets?”

I could tell she was confused by my choice of words.  “Ah, sorry, Eri.  I couldn’t think of a more appropriate word to call them, but believe me, I would if I could, and it’ll be much stronger than ‘jerk mullets’!”

She giggled.  “You’re funny, Neku.”

“B-But I really mean it, Eri… I mean, it’s wrong that they did all that to you.  If I had a girlfriend I’d never treat her with disrespect.  Just thinking about what you had to go through… it… it really… it really…”

Suddenly the table lamp came on, and I immediately narrowed my eyes to reduce the glare of the light.  That’s when I felt something on my mouth.  Something soft and… wh-what was this?  When my eyesight readjusted itself, I found Eri sitting up partially, her index finger on my lips as a gentle way to demand silence.  It made my heart skip a beat.

“Neku,” she chuckled, “I’m so glad you understand how I feel.  I’m angry and hurt over what happened to me, and it’s nice that someone else can empathise with me.  But let’s keep the bad language at a minimum, shall we?”

A meek nod from me indicated that I understood.  But ‘jerk mullets’ was relatively safe…

“Will you be alright though, Eri?” I asked her.

She looked amused, but in a nice way.  “I’ll be fine, Neku.  Tomorrow’s a new day, and I already feel like I can walk again thanks to you.”

“I… I didn’t do much,” I muttered softly.

Her laughter was music to the ears.  “Now, now, no need to be so modest!  You’re an amazing person, that’s for sure!  But enough for now… I’m getting sleepy.  We’ll talk more tomorrow.  So… I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Uh, okay… G’night, Eri.”

“Thanks for everything.”

“Y-Yeah…”

And then she did the most amazing thing.  She clutched onto my arm, treating it as though it were a bolster.  My skin prickled at her touch.  Wait… Was I going to spend the whole night like this, her breasts in my arm?

In the darkness I heard her smoky voice.  “Good night, Neku.”

With that, she finally settled comfortably in bed and in two shakes of a lamb’s tail she was fast asleep.

Meanwhile, I couldn’t get much sleep myself.  I had to blame Eri for this.  And of course, you know why.  She was touching me…  So… distracting…

I had said it earlier but I’d say it again: Eri was a lot of things.  She was a fashion buff and a joker.  She was a weirdo with a disturbing penchant for indecency.  Yet in spite of all of her obvious faults, she was also a friend.  And now…

…she was also the girl I was madly in love with.  What would tomorrow hold for us?  I was getting excited at the prospect of spending more time with this fantastic girl.


	7. Yet Another Pretend Date

I got only about four hours of sleep in.  I’d be a little sluggish for the rest of the day, but I guess I could manage.  How was one to blame me for this?  The whole of last night, Eri never let go of my arm.  She had explained that I would be her bolster, but it didn’t stop the whole experience from being one heck of a thrill ride…

Whenever Eri came over to stay for the night, she always slept in a separate bedroom.  However, breaking up with her latest boyfriend made her feel lonely, so she had asked to sleep with me.  But not in the way you might imagine it to be!  She merely wanted to share the same bed.  She may have slept in only her underwear like she always did, but nothing happened between us!

I kind of wished something did, though…  Maybe like…

_“Oh, Neku,” purred Eri.  “I’m so lonely, and I have a broken heart…”_

_She climbed on top of me, and I was trapped and pinned down.  I was powerless to do anything for myself, and her bedroom eyes made sure I stayed that way._

_I whispered her name.  “Eri…”_

_And then… in no time at all, her deft fingers had taken off whatever little left of her decency she had and flung it aside.  Now without a single thread on her body she clung onto me and moaned, “Neku…!  I’m counting on you to make me feel good tonight!”_

_“Wait, hang on… Not my…!”_

Ugh!  Seriously, it could have happened though, and if it did… how would I have reacted?  Hmmm… Decisions, decisions…

I heard Eri yawning as she emerged into the kitchen.  “Oh, Neku… g’morning.  Is that miso soup?”

Her sudden appearance jolted me a little, and because I was fantasizing about her seconds earlier, I almost expected her to appear wearing nothing but the morning air.

“Hey, Eri,” I called.  “Yeah, we’re having miso soup this morning.”  Even with just a simple dress shirt and a head of untidy hair, she looked pretty…  No pants, though.  Still pretty nonetheless.

Breakfast with Eri took on a different tone today, because for the first time, I was actually eating together with a girl I loved.  Perhaps I failed to feel the rush of love with Shiki, but I might just be able to do that with Eri.  The question was when the right time was to confess to her.  Certainly not now, seeing as she was still feeling moody over her recent breakup.

She gave a melancholy sigh which made me feel bad.  More than anything, I wanted her to cheer up and just be her usual self again.  I wouldn’t even mind if she made fun of me or anything… I just wanted her to be happy again!  I took a stab at humour, knowing fully well I wasn’t the best comedian out there.  But if I could get her to smile, even a little bit… this breakfast wouldn’t feel so grey.

“Eri, still feeling down today?  Want me to punch your ex-boyfriend?”

Her lips twitched into a small wry smile, but otherwise she remained unaffected.  Er… I got her to smile, but it didn’t feel so good somehow… like I had told a bad joke and she was just giving me face…

“Neku, I appreciate your concern,” she mumbled listlessly, “but… well, I’m just not in the mood for anything right now.  I don’t even feel like going to class today.  Besides, I don’t think you can win in a fight against my ex-boyfriend.”

Ouch!  That hurt plenty.  Now this definitely wasn’t the Eri I knew!  I thought she had recovered somewhat last night when I expressed how angry I was over her terrible boyfriend.  I had even called him a jerk mullet or something!  But if her happiness wasn’t improving then I had to step it up.  The time had come for me to act like a real man!  However, as gentlemanly as I hoped to be, I wasn’t very experienced with handling the female psyche.  I only hoped I wouldn’t get her mad…

“Eri,” I began, “if you feel like you need to skip class, uh… um…”

She didn’t even bother to glance my way, and just continued to stir spirals in her soup for no reason.  Uh-oh… not good… Losing her attention…

I just blurted out the thing I thought best to say.  “…well, Eri, uh, if you wanna skip class, then… then I’ll skip together with you!”

Finally I got a reaction from her.  It wasn’t immediately reassuring, however, seeing as she was staring at me wide-eyed with this uneasy look of horror, and that gasp of hers was loud and… and… uh, now what?!  What had I done?!  Was there anything possibly vile in what I had said?!  If staying by her side today meant I could heal her wounds, then I’d have to skip class myself… right?  What was wrong with that?

“Y-You’ll skip class with me?” she gulped.  “Neku, you really  _are_  trying to proposition me, aren’t you?  My heart still isn’t ready, and…”

My spiky hair felt like it had radiated outwards like a sunflower.  “What?!  No!  Are you crazy?  I’m just… I just don’t want to see you sad like this anymore!”

“Then… you’re trying to make me happy… by doing  _it?_   If we end up having kids from this…”

“L-Listen to me!  It’s not like that!!!”

My outburst clammed both of us up for an instant.  Then, in a calmer and more refined manner, she broke the silence and prodded carefully, “Th-Then… what do you mean?”

“Uh… well…”  I wanted to take her out on a date; that’s what I wanted to do.  It would be like a real date for me anyway, but for her I could pass it off as a pretend date, much like the one we went out on not too long ago.  That would reduce our awkwardness a little.  But I didn’t know  _how_  to ask her out in the first place!  I was stumped alright, but she made things easier for me.  Unfortunately, it made me look a little silly.

She said, “You… You want to take me out on a date, right?”

“Huh?  Um, it’s not really a date… more like a… going out between friends… or something like that… I dunno…” I paused and was struck by a thought.  “Wait a minute, how did you know I was going to – ?”

“Well,” she sighed, “you’ve always been easy to read.”

“The way you put it, I don’t know if that’s good or bad…”

At least she had a real smile for me this time.  “Alright, Neku… I’ll take you up on your offer.  If you’re going to take me out on a date… then I leave myself in your care.”

I lit up like I had struck the lottery.  No, this was way better than the lottery!  “Y-You really mean it, Eri?”

“Sure!  I think it’s fun to be naughty for a day and play truant to have fun.  And college isn’t like school where they’ll pick on you for missing a day of classes.  Heck, the lecturers don’t even care.  So all things considered, why not?  We’ve nothing to lose.”

Alright!  Her cheeriness suddenly made the dreary atmosphere a whole lot brighter.  I myself felt like I was floating on air.  This was a dream come true!  After working up the courage to ask a girl on a date, I actually succeeded!  …Well, more like she correctly guessed what I was up to and agreed to it, but it was all good.  That was one hurdle cleared.

To be honest, when I was up last night, I had been thinking about what I should do for today.  Run-of-the-mill dates with movies and dinner were safe, but she’d probably been on a lot of those by now and she’d be bored with those, so I wanted to be different.  I wanted her to know that I was actually putting in effort.  And most of all, I wanted her to know that I was the right guy for her!

Eri was sounding eager, even impatient.  That was a good sign.

“So, Neku?” she chirped.  “When do we start?”

“Is right away cool with you, Eri?”

“Of course!”  She rose from her seat and marched towards the front door with gusto.  “Come on, Neku, let’s go!”

I stopped her frantically.  “Whoa, Eri, wait!!!  I don’t mean ‘right away’ as in ‘right this moment’!  We haven’t finished breakfast yet!  I haven’t had my shower!  And you aren’t even wearing any pants!”

XOXOXOXOXO

Eri and I were out on the streets where I was walking her to our first destination.  Her good mood gave me confidence and made me feel I could pull this off without a hitch.

“So where are we going, Neku?” she asked, looking fresh and lively.

“Erm, it’s a surprise.”

“But I wanna know…”  She sure wasn’t one to wait, was she…

I couldn’t resist a chuckle.  “How about if I told you that I’m taking you to a special place… a sanctuary of sorts?  You’ll know what I mean when you see it.”

She stroked her chin thoughtfully.  “Special place… Sanctuary…”  Then, as though she had guessed it right, she breathed, “Let me guess…”

“Huh?”

Strangely, she seemed a little pale…  “Neku… don’t tell me… Y-You’re taking me to a… love hotel?!”

I recoiled.  “Wh-Why would I take you there?!”

The pallor on her cheeks gave way to an intense blush.  “So the sanctuary you were talking about… it’s such a place?  I never knew you were so… wild.  And I did tell you already many times by now, my heart isn’t ready… P-Plus my last menstrual cycle was – ”

“No, no, no!  That’s not it!  Far from it!”  Oh no!  This was getting out of control!  I had to clarify matters quickly or this date – and my love life – would see a swift end.  “Look.  That 104 Building you’re so fond of going to?  I figured it’s like your sanctuary, and I know how much you like shopping, so I thought we could buy some stuff, you know?  It’s nothing like what you said!”

With this, she nodded in understanding.  “Oh, right!  I see… Man, don’t give me a heart attack!  You’re my most trusted guy friend, you know!”

“Sorry… I guess mystery isn’t what I’m good at.”

She smiled and gave my arm a friendly squeeze.  “Sure, but you’re good at a lot of other things, like cooking.  And nosebleeds.”

“Th-That last one was nothing to be praised about…”

XOXOXOXOXO

For a date to go well, the guy usually has to be in charge, and as such he has to be able to handle any expenses that come along.  What I was going to do now was very risky as I would invariably run into some high costs, but if I could get this to work…

I cleared my throat and prepared to burn a hole in my wallet.  “Well, here we are at 104.  Let’s get started, eh?”

“Sounds good,” she said with a wide smile.  “Oh, it’s not window shopping now, is it?”

“No, we’re doing some  _real_  shopping.  Or rather, you are.  I was pretty restrictive during that date we went on last week.  I didn’t want you to buy a whole bunch of stuff because I wasn’t in the mood to carry lots of shopping bags at that time.  So now I just want to give you the chance to buy what you like… and I’m paying this time.”

I knew how clothes were like catnip to Eri, so I figured that by taking her here and letting her indulge in her hobby without abandon, I could score some serious points with her.

Pure astonishment stunned her so much that she didn’t know how to react.  She stared right at me, her eyes unchanging and kind of creepy, like a fish.  In fact, she couldn’t find herself to believe a word I had just said.

“Neku, do you have a fever?  No… this kind of behaviour can’t be brought about from just some fever.  You must be stricken by a life-threatening disease…”  To be honest, she even looked worried…

I reassured her, “I know this is unlike me but I’m not sick or crazy, really I’m not.  But this is a date, right?  And as the guy, I’ve got to make the girl happy.  So don’t be shy now, Eri.  Just buy whatever you like.”  Then, in a shaky, uneasy voice, I added, “Um, I… I do have a limited budget, though… But anything below 30000 yen should be fine.”  Way to make an impression… But my wallet couldn’t help it…

Still, she was ecstatic.  “Whoa.  For real, Neku?  I can buy whatever I like?”

“Yeah, I mean it.  Sorry it can’t be over 30000 yen, though.  …My allowance is a little short this week.  But otherwise, knock yourself out.  Seriously.”

A smile grew on her lips, signaling the start of what I knew so well by now to be mania.  Like a feeding frenzy, only with clothes instead of food and many times worse.  I braced myself to get eaten up…

“Okay, Neku,” she chirped.  “If you say that’s fine, then I’ll do just that.  I’ll have you know that clothes nowadays don’t cost below 30000 yen, though.”

“Bwuh?!”

“Hee hee… Just kidding.  30000 yen is good enough for me.”

Good Lord, please don’t give me another heart attack…

She paused to think.  “What I’m looking for can’t be found here in 104.  It’s in Shibukyu Main Store, actually.  Can we go there?  It’s just round the corner behind this building.”

Not in 104?  I didn’t pay it any mind, though.  Whatever works, right?

As we left the building, I couldn’t help wondering what she could possibly want that wasn’t in 104.  Wasn’t she a fan of D+B?  She was always squealing to me about how the skirts from that brand were so cute and the tops were just out of this world.  Of course there were a lot of other brands that she loved too, but D+B was her favourite.  But the one brand I never expected her to take a liking to was…

“Dragon Couture?”

“Yeah.  Fashion for the distinguished, yet still managing to be semi-formal enough to be worn as casual wear.  Neat, huh?”

“I don’t know… No offence, Eri, but you seem more at home with casual wear, not formal dresses and such…”

She giggled.  “Just watch.”

Eri was busy teleporting from shelf to shelf, looking for what I imagined must be the perfect jeans or that one skirt to die for.  As for me?  I was scanning around for nothing in particular, but in truth, I was just taking more than my fair share of surreptitious glances at her.

I knew she really was pretty, but only now did I appreciate her cuteness.  One might expect me to wax about how she would be just right if she weren’t so crazy.  But no, now I knew better.  This almost manic side of her was part of what she was, and without it she just wasn’t Eri anymore.  And I wanted her to stay the way she was.  The Eri I came to know… and love.

What was she searching for in a Dragon Couture shop anyway?  Hmmm… I wondered if she might be interested in a tight-fitting blouse for a change.  Or maybe even an elegant cheongsam with a long slit down the side to show off her nice long legs.  Ah… How nice…

“Excuse me, sir.”

I turned to face the source of the voice that had shattered my dreamy stupor.  It was a salesperson.  “Huh… yes?”

“…Here are some tissues, sir.”

He handed me a small pack of facial tissues before scurrying away.  At first I was confused by his actions, but soon I realized why.  My nose was bleeding.  Probably the result of thinking about Eri.  Whoops!

A little while later she scampered over to my side, cradling some clothes in her arms.

“I see you found something you like, Eri.”

“Yup!  It’s on sale too, so it comes to a little more than 10000 yen!  How’s that for a deal?”

“Eri, it’s not even close to my 30000 yen budget,” I said kindly, returning her smile.  “You can buy more, you know.  I’m sure there’s something here that I can still afford.”

“Yeah, I was thinking of getting something else for myself.  But in the meantime, this is what I’d like to get… but only if it fits you.”

“H-Huh?  Wait…”  What was she up to?  Was she trying to get me to… wear ladies’ clothing?!  Aw heck no!

I backed away from her so much that I almost knocked over the mannequin behind me.  “No way, Eri.  I’m not doing any of that perverted cross-dressing stuff!  Maybe it fascinates you but it gives me the creeps!”

She groaned and let out a sigh, tired of my violent reactions.  “I’m not that cruel, you know!  Look, this is a semi-formal dress shirt, and slacks to match!  It’s men’s wear, you silly ape!  Besides, if I were to get you to cross-dress, it’d be with a maid’s costume.”

Eh?  Men’s wear?  Now wasn’t that a relief indeed!  A strange choice to be sure, but girls could don men’s clothing if they so wished.  …That last sentence was very unnerving, though.

Wait a minute… why did she want  _me_  to try them on?

“Hang on, Eri.  If these clothes are for yourself, why are you asking me to – ”

“Oh, they’re not for me, Neku.  I got them for you.”

“Whuh?”  What was going on?  Why would she get those clothes for me?  I had a tornado inside of my head and didn’t know what to make of this.  “For me?  Um… but I thought you were going to shop for yourself?”

Eri looked to the side for the quickest moment and I thought I saw her flinch a little too, though not out of discomfort as far as I could tell.  She answered with a small grin, “Ah, but when you offered to pay, you never said specifically that I was to buy stuff for only myself.  So that means it’s perfectly alright for me to buy things for you.”

Uh… good point.  True, I was paying, but she could buy whatever she wanted.  And it certainly didn’t matter for who she buying those clothes.  But this raised a good question.

“Why did you buy them for me?”

She gave a little laugh.  “Ah, I wanted to see how you look like in a dress shirt and slacks, Neku.  That’s all.”

I thought I could feel another heart attack coming on, but it wasn’t out of shock.  The culprit was still Eri, but this felt so different.  I wanted to look cool by paying for clothes that I thought she would buy for herself, but she totally outdid me!  She took advantage of the situation in such an unexpected way and now I was this close to keeling from swooning over this girl.

She extended the clothes towards me with her smile as big as ever.  “Um, so… could you try them on?  We need to see if they’ll fit and if you look good in them.”

“Um…”

“If you want,” she said with an evil grin, “I can accompany you into the fitting room and… help you dress up.”

“N-No way.  We are  _not_  repeating that incident.  You stay out of this!”

“Are you sure you even know your collar from your cuffs?  Or maybe you need me to help tighten your belt.  A helping hand here and there can’t hurt.  I’m good at what I do.  Hee hee…”

“I-I’ll do it myself!” I spluttered, blushing hard at her perverted jokes.  “So that’s that – ”

“Sir!”  It was the salesperson.  He shoved something into my free hand.  “Here are some more tissues.”  Then he vanished out of sight again.

Ngh… so here we had another nosebleed, eh?  Eri was amused at what was another of my famous battles with my poor nose.

“Might want to plug it in,” sniggered Eri.

“Mmph…!”  This was a losing battle I was fighting, so I wasted no more time and snatched the clothes from her, then slunk into the nearest fitting room in half a second flat.  The sounds of her laughter could be heard from outside the closed door.

Well, all that aside, I did have a serious thought: was Eri buying these for me?  Really?  I wanted to buy stuff for her, not the other way around.  How could my plans go so far astray?  But I wasn’t saying this was a bad thing, by any means…

And when I was done dressing myself up in her hand-picked clothes, I felt like a different person altogether.  The dress shirt was grey and had short sleeves that reached to the elbow.  The slacks were black and just right; not too baggy, and none of that ridiculous bell-bottom stuff.  I couldn’t believe it myself: Eri had picked out some clothes that were decent and tasteful for a change.  But what truly amazed me was that I actually looked good in them.

“Not bad,” I muttered to myself.  “Not bad at all.”

I stepped out of the fitting room to show off the new me to Eri.  Ha ha… Eri, I dare you to lay your eyes upon this devilishly handsome man without getting a single dizzy spell!

She was nowhere to be seen.  Huh?  Where was she?

The door of the fitting room next to mine suddenly banged open and out clambered a customer.  She almost tripped as she came out and when she saw me she immediately went into a rushed apology.  “Sorry!  Sorry, Neku.  Were you waiting long for me?”

I stared and stared at this stranger.  She was clad in a cheongsam, the vivid crimson cloth demanding attention.  It was close-fitting and hugged her slender body tightly like a second skin.  But the part about her dress that yanked my line of sight towards it – almost violently so – was the slit down the side.  It reached up to the upper reaches of her thigh, and when it shifted, her entire leg poked into view, teasing me.  My breath hitched in my throat.

“Eri?!” I said at last.  “Is… Is that you?!”

“I should be asking that about you!” she countered, her hand to her mouth in astonishment.  “Those clothes are awfully cool on you.  I’m not joking!  Like, totally asdfghjkl;…!”

“I-I’m surprised you could actually pronounce that.”

There we stood, captivated with each other like a couple of silly high school kids in love.  It was amusing how her face had quickly come to have the same colour as her dress.  Then again, so did mine.

I shook out of my daze and asked, “By the way, Eri… wh-what’s with the dress?”

“I found this nice cheongsam while you were changing,” she explained, “and I thought you’d take a while, so I decided to try it on myself, but I totally didn’t think you’d finish up so quickly.”

“Oh… I see… um…”

She quickly returned to her old self and quietly asked for my opinion.  “Erm… anyway, does it look good on me?”

“Th-That’s a no-brainer.  Uh… I’ll give you an A for looking good.”  I couldn’t tear my eyes off of the whole of her.  Everything about her screamed sexy with a capital R for Rrrrrooow!

“Heh heh, thanks!”  She was a sucker for attention, this girl.  But she deserved it.  “You’re a far cry from the purple hoodies you’re so fond of wearing.  Ah, but I mean no offence, Neku.  I’m just saying it’s refreshing to see you wear something different for a change.”

“Y-Yeah, I know…” 

She was still blushing.  Damn, she looked so cute.

“Eri?”

“Hmmm?  What?”

“Uh… are you going to buy that cheongsam?”

“Of course!  It’s a good buy!  And it pairs well with these high heels!  Take a look and tell me you agree.”  She stuck her foot out to show me, but I never actually noticed the shoes much.  All I was looking at was that long, lovely leg of hers peeking out of that slit.  “Well?  What about it?  Doesn’t it just spell chic?”

“Um… y-yeah.  I… I agree.  Completely.  One hundred percent.  Times two.”

“Hey, careful, Neku!  Don’t dirty your new threads with that nosebleed of yours!  What’s with you anyway?  D-Do you have some fetish for high heels?  I mean, I kind of understand the appeal, but – ”

“Fetish?!  No!  What’re you talking about?!”  I graciously accepted more tissues from the salesman and jammed my nostrils shut.  “A-Anyway, if you’re getting these for me, I… I’ll gladly accept them.  I mean, it’s something I want too.”

“Really?  That’s great!  I’m glad you like them, Neku.  But now… I guess we’ll have to do something about your shoes.”

“My… shoes?”  I looked down at my sneakers, and instantly knew what she was talking about.

“I hate to tell you this, but purple trainers are just so wrong in this getup.  Let’s get you some nice proper shoes, and then you can go out onto the streets in style.  I’d love to see that!”

“Y-Yeah… me too, I guess…”

Once she was done changing back into her old clothes, she dragged me towards the section of the shop where shoes were sold.  I stole another glance at her to find that she was smiling broadly to herself and that her blush had blossomed into a deeper shade of red.

Why was she blushing?

That was what I wanted to know.  It would be simple to say she was bowled over by how good-looking I suddenly was, but prod this situation a little further and it might not be too far off a theory that she might actually think I was… hot?

Oh come on… Me, hot?  How could she possibly see me in that light?  Because if she did, then maybe she might think of me as more than just a friend…

But to think that way so soon, especially after her breakup… Was this even possible?

Or maybe she had always been… I dunno…

XOXOXOXOXO

Our clothes – her Chinese dress and my Saturday Night Fever ensemble – came to a total of about 25000 yen, which was just right for my agreed budget.  Well, it could have cost a whole lot more but fortunately there was a sale going on, so hooray I guess?

I was still getting used to my new look.  Yes, Eri had persuaded me to wear my new clothes in public.  “You’ll be the bomb!” she had squealed.  I had tried to tell her I didn’t want to, but she forced me to, so how could I refuse?  And so I was walking down the streets wearing my brand new dress shirt, slacks and a pair of shiny leather shoes as black as night.

I thought I could feel everyone’s stares on me, as though it didn’t suit me at all, but everyone else was dressed considerably wackier, like Eri herself, so they probably didn’t even bother to look my way.  I could only hope I didn’t look like a fool.  But these were clothes picked by a fashion genius, so I’d be fine.

“And now,” she said, “we need to dye your hair black to complete the look.”

I reached up to my hair protectively with both hands.  “Uh… no.  Let’s leave my hair out of this.  I love it too much for that.”

“I was just pulling your leg,” she giggled.  “I’m not going to do anything about your hair.  It’s part of what makes you… you.”

Lunch was spent over light refreshments at a café called WildKat.  I had been wondering where to take her for mealtime and carefully took her nature into consideration.  If she loved fashion, then she must a high-maintenance person, even if just a bit.  It simply wouldn’t do to take her someplace cheap, like a ramen shop or beef bowl joint.  But I was a struggling student with limited cash reserves, so an expensive restaurant was out of the question.  WildKat was thus the best option as it had the best of both worlds: it had a classy ambience which might suit Eri’s tastes, but all of the food on sale was affordable… good for my wallet.

And as an added benefit, there was someone who worked there whom I could consult for advice… You could say he was a friend of mine.

We were sitting on high stools at a long bar, chowing down on fried tofu salad and soup-of-the-day.  It’s been awhile since I came here, but the food has always stayed nice and tasty, just the way it should be.

Eri kept gushing, “God, this soup is heavenly.”

The proprietor chuckled and expressed his gratitude, “Ah, thanks.  You’re too kind.”  He had shades on that were as dark as his hair, and his six-o’-clock shadow was worn in style.  He may be aging and I believe he was pushing forty, but he was as fashionable as his café and his name was Mr Hanekoma.

How I got to know him is a long story that I’ll leave for another day to tell, but he’s one of my friends and also the person from whom I wanted to cull dating tips from.  I hoped a chance would present itself where I could get him to slide me some quick information.

While he busied himself with serving the customers, Eri and I made small talk throughout lunch.

“Eri,” I said, “you sure I don’t stand out like a sore thumb?  What with my new clothes and all.”

“No way, you’re doing fine!”  She gave my shoulder an affectionate squeeze to make me feel more at ease with myself.  “In fact, it’s almost like you and WildKat are kindred spirits.  The power of trendiness, you know?”

“I… I guess.  It’s just that ever since I started wearing these clothes, I’ve had this weird feeling.  It’s been eating away at me, and the back of my neck feels itchy too because of that.”

“The back of your neck?  Itchy?”  She shot me a curious glance.  “I wonder…”

“Eri?  Wh-What are you doing?”

She reached out for my shirt collar and flipped it inside out.  I was wondering what she was up to when she gave me a possible reason for my edginess.  “Oh, it’s just the tag on the inside of your collar.”

“Tag?”  She was right.  So this whole time it was a cardboard tag that had been playing vampire on my neck, that annoying little thing!  I guess I forgot to remove it… That’s another ‘Whoops’ moment to chalk up for today!

“Remember to cut it off when you get home,” she giggled.

“I don’t think it can wait,” I mumbled sheepishly, making for the washroom.  “I’ll be right back.”

I must have been so nervous about getting things right for this date that I must have thought the itchiness was part of my psyche.  But this was the very first date where I was the one to ask the girl out, and I wanted it to be just right.  All the more I needed to ask Mr Hanekoma about what I could do to better the flow of things between myself and Eri.

The tag came off and the relief was both immediate and noticeable.  It did make me feel better, although I also felt like a fool for having a tag, well, tag along for the whole morning.  And then, as though the timing couldn’t be better, when I came out of the cubicle, who should I bump into but Mr Hanekoma himself, washing his hands at the sink.  Perfect!

“Mr H!” I gasped.  “Hey, could you spare me a minute?”

“Well, well,” he said, “looks like good ol’ Phones got himself a girlfriend.  It’s nice to be young!”

“C-Could you not call me Phones, Mr H?  I don’t even wear my headphones much these days.  And anyway, Eri’s not my girlfriend yet.”

“Oh, I see.”  He was beaming in an understanding way.  “First date, eh, boss?”

“Yeah.  I need to ask you… Do you know any dating tips?  I mean, if you’ve been around for some, maybe you might know something I could use…”

His cheery expression soured a little.  As for why, his next words would explain it all.  “Around for some?  Y-You make me sound old, Phones… That’s like salt in the wound, you know.”

“Ah, um, s-sorry, that’s not what I meant at all, pops!”

“…P-Pops?”

“Uh…?!  No, I mean…!”

“I don’t usually concern myself with these things, but… if I were anyone else, you’d be walking on thin ice.   _Very_  thin ice.”

“I-I’m sorry!”

Me and my big mouth!  Never had I ever seen such a dark look on Mr H’s face…  I struggled to right my wrongs, but he waved the matter aside quickly.

“Oh well,” he sighed, “it can’t be helped that I’m not exactly young anymore, but if I can help you a little, that’s fine with me.  And it’s not nice to keep your little lady waiting, so I’ll be brief and quick about it.  Listen up.”

“You got it, Mr H!”

At last!  It’s so nice to be able to ask someone for advice and get it.  I should have done this a long time ago instead of getting nowhere by thinking in senseless circles.  I braced myself for some good tips that I could put to good use.  This was going to be awesome.  Of course it would; Mr H was a dependable person.  I was more than sure that his advice was –

“Neku, in a nutshell, you just need to be yourself.”

I stared at him.  I waited.  And when the wait proved a little too long…

“Mr H?  Um, wh-where’s the advice you wanted to give me?”

“That  _is_  the advice!”

If it was advice, it certainly didn’t sound like it!  Where was the part where he would talk about what turns a girl on?  Where were the little-known secrets to making any girl swoon?  Heck, what’s a guy got to do to get some cheat codes in life?

“Just be myself?!” I blurted.  “That’s supposed to help me… how?”

He braced the back of his neck like he was always seen to do.  “I know you’re eager for some fast tips, and that certainly fit the bill, didn’t it?”

“But if I’m just myself, nothing’s gonna change.  In the end I’ll stay the same way and Eri will get tired of me eventually… at least that’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Phones,” he said kindly, “let’s do a little thinking.  That girl… Eri, was it?  Why do you like her?”

“H-Huh?”  I was momentarily stunned.  Here he was asking me why I was in love with Eri?  There were several reasons, and I could go on and on about them, but I felt there was a deeper meaning to Mr Hanekoma’s question, so I probed further.  “Wh-What do you mean?”

His face fell.  “What’s with that?  Don’t tell me you like her only for her looks…”

“O-Of course not!  I find that hanging out with Eri is really fun, and there are so many things under the sky we can talk about.  It’s true she’s got her quirks and little spots of craziness but don’t we all?  And besides, she’s proven to be a great friend.  There are times when I’m feeling down or frustrated and she’s there to give me some moral support.  She… She really cares about me.  And I feel the same way about her.”

Upon hearing this, Mr H smiled and nodded, apparently pleased with my answer.

“So in other words, you like Eri for who she is, right?”

“Uh… Yeah!  That sounds about right.”

“Well, then you’re set!  If you like Eri for who she is, then I’m sure she feels the same way about you!  I know we’re living in a world where change is inevitable, but sometimes staying the way you are works wonders too.  This is one of those times.”

I was stunned.  To be honest, I thought his advice was useless, but when he explained it that way it suddenly clicked in my head.  I had been struggling this whole date to make myself more likeable in Eri’s eyes, but his words made me realize that perhaps I had been trying too hard.  If she liked me, she wasn’t trying to sell herself or anything; she wasn’t sweating it, to be sure.  So why should I?  Of course certain basic matters of chivalry could be improvised upon depending on the situation, but otherwise it was fine to just be myself.

“Whoa…” I breathed in amazement.  “Whoa, Mr H.  I… I understand now.  And I think I know what to do.”

“Don’t try to go out of your way to be different.  It’s tiring and she’ll see through it.  That’d be bad.”

“True.  Thanks, Mr H!  This really helps.”

“Best of luck, Phones.  …Just don’t call me pops again.”  His face was straight and serious.

“Y-Yeah…”  Good thing I didn’t call him grandpa…


	8. A Boy, A Girl and a Hot Bath

Mr Hanekoma’s words enlightened me.  That was exactly what I needed to hear.  I already felt like I was one step closer to getting a taste of that elusive feeling called mutual love.  I wouldn’t bore you with the details but there were a few other places I went to with Eri.  All I can say was that this date turned out great.  Now we were lingering around Miyashita Park, which was one of the quieter places in Shibuya.

I almost wished it wouldn’t end, but time waits for no man.  The evening would soon arrive.  Oh well, if things went well enough, I could go on another date with her some time soon!

As we were strolling around, I could tell she was very happy and very contented with the date.  “Nothing quite like a good song or two at the local karaoke bar to yell out your sorrows, heh heh!”

“‘Yell’ being the operative word,” I added.  “You could have exploded the mike just now.”

“Hey, give a girl a break.”  She stretched her arms.  “I’ve been through a lot.  I’m awfully glad you took me to Crazy K.  Plus… you’re not too bad a singer yourself.”

“Huh… really?”

“Amongst the crows, you’re music to peoples’ ears,” she giggled.

“I get that I sing badly… You didn’t have to rub it in…”  I hung my head and she laughed at my plight, patting me on the back to comfort me.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a hawker with his push-cart.  He was stationed in the middle of the park, under the shade of a large tree.  It was obvious that he was selling food of some kind, but when the smell hit me I knew what it was.  An idea came to me.

I told Eri to wait for me a little while I went to buy some of the hawker’s food.  Upon my return, she immediately noticed the large oval object I had in each hand and lost no time asking in obvious repulsion, “Neku, wh-what are those?  Those… eggs?  They’re brown, and three times larger… and kinda creepy-looking…”

Cute reaction…  “Relax, Eri.  I assure you these aren’t xenomorph eggs.  They’re sweet potatoes.”

Her disgust melted away, but she still remained apprehensive.  However, the next question she had for me was a stupid one.  “Sweet potatoes… They’re edible, right?”

“They’re not poison capsules, Eri,” I laughed, handing one to her.  “Here, try it.  It’s delicious.”

She cradled it in her hands as carefully as one might handle a crystal goblet.  She fumbled a bit from the heat, I imagine, as it was freshly hot, but she managed.  Then after the confusion had died down she commented, “Wow… It’s warm.”

“The best time to eat it is during winter.  I know it’s summer right now, but… well, I thought you might like it.”

Her small smile widened a little more for me, a welcome sign that her soul was healing.  “Thanks, Neku.  I’m so glad I went out with you today.  I’ve never felt so good before, and thanks to you, I’ve gotten over my broken fingernail!”

“B-But not your ex-boyfriend?”

“Psh,” she huffed, “what is he?  He’s got a handsome face but his heart is trash.  I’ve long gotten over him.”

“Okaaaay…”

“But anyway, Neku… Thanks again.”

I felt a jolt in the heart.  I never had a way with words so my humble reply to that was, “Well, we’re friends.”

“By the way… I know this is going to sound really stupid, but…”

“What is it?”

“…I’ve never eaten a sweet potato before.  How do you eat it?”

I was astonished that she had never tried this simple yet delicious little wonder of a root vegetable.  Sweet potatoes had been around for a long time now, and it was new to her?  Perhaps, as learned or experienced as we may be, there were still a lot of things in the world that we could know about.  After all, you never stop learning.

“There’s no real trick to it,” I said kindly.  “You just need to…”

Everything around us became muffled and indistinct as we found ourselves sucked into our own little world.  It was just me and her.  Me… I was giving her a quick lesson on the fine art of munching on sweet potatoes.  Eri… well, she was mangling and wrestling with her sweet potato in both hands, making her lack of delicacy stand out even more.  But it mattered little because the important thing was that she was having fun, something I could tell from the way she was giggling.  And when she finally took her first bite, gushed at the taste and proclaimed it as the best darn thing in the world, it made me happy.  Really happy.

“It’s yummy,” she said, grinning.  “I love it.”

“Glad you like it.”

“Hee hee.  You’re such a cool guy, Neku.  If I had known earlier that you were this awesome, I might have had a better impression of you.”

“Th-That hurts, you know.”

“Ha ha ha!”

We leaned against the railing with the cityscape before us, chatting and eating.  It was a peaceful time and certainly good for the soul, but we weren’t even halfway through our snacks before a loud noise like thunder ripped through the air, making us jump.  And when we glanced upwards, there was a blanket of grey clouds where the sky should be.  I thought it was kind of dark while we were talking, but it never crossed my mind that it might be starting to rain.  Another peal of thunder and then it started raining cats and dogs.  No, not like this.  I didn’t want the date to end like this!

“Crud!” I cried.  “We need to move!”

“Right you are,” squawked Eri, “but where do we go now?!”

“My house is just two or three minutes from here.  I know we’ll get really soaked along the way but it’s better than hiding in a shop or someplace and staying wet.  I had a cold just last month and like heck I’m getting another one!”

“Oh, good thinking!  Your house  _is_  pretty near from here after all!  Let’s hustle!”

The skies were opening up and letting loose with watery hell.  If it was a drizzle it wouldn’t be so bad.  But a downpour was hardly the kind of thing anyone out in the open would like.  Who would?  It was really icky how my clothes were sticking onto my skin like cling film.  And they were my new threads too.

“Agh, it’s really pouring!” I yelled.  “Eri, do you happen to have an umbrella with you?”

“No!”

“You don’t keep one under that oversized cap of yours?”

“It’s not  _that_  big, you idiot!” she snapped.  “Just shut up and keep running!”

And run we did.  Boy, how we hurried.  But we’re lucky my house was nearby.  Out of the rain… good!  Now all that was left to do was to take a quick bath before the coldness set in and made us sick.  Man… it sure was disgusting being so wet!  Wait… wet?  If I was wet, then so was Eri.  And if she was wet, then how did she look – Holy ASDFGHJKL;…?!

“Eew,” she groaned, “this sucks.”

I watched her, spellbound, as she parted the damp fronds of her hair.  From head to toe she was positively drenched.  I knew how tight-fitting her clothes were but now that they were hopelessly damp, they clung to her body even closer in sexy ways even I couldn’t imagine in the dirtiest crevices of my psyche.

She noticed me gazing stupidly at her and brought me back to my senses.  “Hey, Neku?  We should hurry and – whoa, another nosebleed?!  What happened to you on the way here?!”

“I-It’s nothing to worry about,” I mumbled.  “Nothing at all.  You… You were saying something about hurrying?”

“Uh, I’m saying we should hurry and take a bath.”

“Ah, um, right!”  I did my very best to pull myself together.  “In that case, Eri, you go and take a bath first.  I’ll go in once you’re done.”

“But you’ll catch a cold waiting for me,” she said.  “And I don’t want that.  Let’s just go in together.”

Previously I might have shuddered quite badly from the crazy things she might have said, but this time I practically broke my neck by rearing backwards so violently in shock.  And like always, my words in reply were, “What the heck are you smoking?!”

My outburst didn’t faze her.  If anything, she actually seemed a little cross at my hesitation.  “What do you mean, ‘what the heck’?” she sighed.  “Didn’t you say you didn’t want to catch another cold?”

“I-I’m just saying I can wait for a little bit while you bathe.  A few minutes wouldn’t bother me.  I’m not gonna – ”

“Yeah right!  A few minutes are more than enough for you to get sick!  And another thing if you haven’t noticed yet: we’re wasting precious seconds talking here.”

I paused, trying to think of a suitable counter to her argument.  But she was pushy and impatient.  Before I knew it, she had grabbed me by the wrist, dragged me to the bathroom and launched me in like a cannonball.  Then she stepped inside and locked us both in, before barricading the door by standing in front of it, to prevent me from leaving.  In a sense I was glad that she cared about my well-being but the way with which she went about it was scary.

“Clothes off,” she grumbled, tossing aside her soaked sleeveless jacket.  “Now!  Get on with it already before you start sneezing!  And sneezing is disgusting.”

“N-No way!”

“Don’t be so stubborn.  It wouldn’t help your health.”

Eri had an attitude that spelt “well, like, whatever” and it came to light again as she nonchalantly slid her skirt off right in front of me.  She was going to strip off everything and had absolutely no qualms about doing it in the presence of a boy.  Yikes!  Her quick hands were fingering the hem of her crop top and I barely had time to turn my back to her before I heard the sound of it being peeled off.

A couple more similar muffled noises later, they stopped altogether.  Oh god, I knew what this meant.  I had seen her in various states of undress before, be it her in underwear or a bath towel, and while all of those times may have been uniformly startling, at least she was wearing  _something_  and the shock wasn’t so bad.  But now…

I heard her from behind me.  “I’m gonna help myself to the shower.  What’re you waiting for?”

The shower cubicle was to my right and I swiveled my head to the left to avoid catching sight of her.  “Are you telling me to join you?!”

“Yeah, well, it does save water this way, right?  I’m just being practical.  It’s gonna be a real problem if you fall ill – ”

“No!  L-Look, Eri.   _You_  take the shower,  _I’ll_  use a pail and water.  Deal?”  I grabbed a nearby stool and bucket and set them down on the floor in front of the wall tap.  “I know you don’t want me to catch the sniffles but I’m not about to share a shower with you when you’re totally naked.”

“Are you saying I look ugly when I’m naked?!”

“Huh?  N-No, that’s not it.  You actually look nice when you’re – NO, dammit!  That’s not I’m talking about right now!  Listen, okay?!  We’re gonna bathe separately because that’s what I feel is the best way to go about things.”

“Your choice, I guess,” she mumbled.  “I’m okay if you want to join me in the shower though.  Really, I am.”

“You’re a weirdo.”  
  
“Ugh, shut up and get bathing already.”

Behind me there was the sound of the shower curtain being slid closed, followed by the steady hiss of water jetting out of a showerhead.  I had no idea if Eri was a great big pervert or if she really was being down-to-earth.

At the very least, I should take a quick splash and then get the heck out of there before she was done.  She usually took her time with her showers so escaping with my sanity intact shouldn’t be too difficult as long as I was fast.  As I took my wet clothes off I found some solace in the knowledge that there was a curtain separating the two of us.  We couldn’t see each other.  That was a bit of a relief, though I was also a teensy bit disappointed… I mean, one flimsy piece of plastic was all that stood between me and any man’s wildest dream.  So tempting… It would be peanuts to whisk it open, but I just couldn’t.  But supposing  _she_  did, and I happened to look her way, I could see her… I could see… everything.  And then…

No!  No more of that!  NO!!!

I sat on the stool, pouring water over myself and mulling over today’s events.  Let’s see… Over the course of this date, we had chilled out near the Statue of Hachiko, gone shopping for clothes, went for karaoke, had sweet potatoes… and then came along the thunderstorm.  Quite good, if it weren’t for the rain.

Ah, but I mustn’t think about it in such a bad way… At least now I got to share the same bathroom with Eri!

Er…

What was with me?!  It’s normal to think about doing this and that with the one you love – Eri herself said that.  But wasn’t I being a bit too perverted?!

Her voice was humming a tune through the shower curtain.  It quickly progressed into a nameless song where she was stringing notes together in no order.  Somehow, hearing her go “La la la” was making me grow uneasy.  Maybe it was because the images of her that I was conjuring up were getting worse.  Hmmm… singing while getting herself nice and soapy and luscious was a bit…

I couldn’t stand it.  “Eri!”

Her singing ground to a halt.  “What?”

“C-Could you tone down on the soprano stuff?  It’s… I dunno.”

“Can’t a girl sing while she’s in the bath?”  She sounded a little annoyed.

“S-Sorry!  It’s just… it’s just that you’re… I mean…  Ah, forget it.  Sorry I said anything at all.  P-Please carry on.”

“You’re weird,” she said after a pause.  Well, maybe I was, but in these circumstances it couldn’t be helped…  “Anyway, Neku, are you done bathing yet?”

“Uh, no… Not yet.”

“Goodie!” she chirped.  The sound of the shower curtain being pulled back startled me.  She… She was already done and was coming out of the cubicle?!  And why’d she say “Goodie!” anyway?!

I was about to scream bloody murder about how she should have waited for me to finish and get out before getting dressed, but she stopped me short.  “Neku, I found this really nice brush and sponge in the shower.  Let me wash your back for you!”

For a moment nothing happened.  And then…

…that was when I screamed.  “WHAT?!”

“I’ll scrub your back and make it all nice and clean!  C’mon, it’s fun!”

In my panic, I was about to turn back to face her but I quickly remembered she wasn’t wearing anything, so my eyes stayed locked on the wall before me.  Yeah, that was close (though still disappointing)!  “Eri!  Do you realize we’re both naked right now?!  Oh, heck, that’s right.  I’m naked too, so don’t look at me!”

I could tell from how close her voice was that she was right behind me.  And fresh from the shower too.  But her words, spoken with a shrug in her tone, made her sound more clueless than perverted.

“Whuh?  What’s there to be ashamed of?  Don’t people see each other naked all the time at the local  _onsen_  (public bath)?  I’m sure you’ve seen your fair share of – ”

“But there are separate baths for men and women!”

“Well… there’s the mixed section…”

“That’s not the point!”

Here we were, a guy and girl in our birthday suits arguing over what was considered normal, but nothing about what was happening had even a shred of normality to it!  Talk about hypocrisy at its very worst!

“Wh-Why do you want to scrub my back so badly anyway?!” I demanded.  “It’s kind of odd, you know?!”

She didn’t even take a moment to think.  “But you’ve been so nice to me today, Neku… I just wanted to show my appreciation.  I know a back scrub isn’t enough to repay you for what you’ve done for me, but nothing comes to mind so far as to what I can do for you, so… I’d like you to accept it for now.  Please?  It’s my way of saying thanks.”  There was a hint of a smile in her voice, not a sardonic one of course, but a kind and genuine one.

I didn’t think today’s date would affect her so greatly.  My heart was thumping even harder on top of the palpitations I was already having from knowing we were both in the buff at the moment.  She actually enjoyed it… so that couldn’t be bad… No, of course it couldn’t!  This was great news!

But on another note, Eri’s the type to get what she wants no matter what.  So I could protest all I wanted but she’d still want to wash my back.  Could I escape from her when she wanted to feed me ice-cream in public?  So this would be the same story.  There was no getting around it so I gave in.

I muttered sheepishly, “Just… Just don’t break my skin and stuff…”

“Hee hee!  You’ll see.  You’ll enjoy it!”  In more ways than one…

I just sat there feeling a mixture of awkwardness and pleasure as she went about her business.  I’d never had someone wash my back before, and by a girl no less, so this was something I had never experienced before.  She seemed to know her stuff, as it felt soothing having my back scrubbed.  And for some reason I couldn’t begin to comprehend, she was enjoying herself too.  How cute her giggling was.  Hmmm… I guess I could enjoy this a little longer myself…

“So Neku,” she said, “how’s it feel?”

“Um… it… it feels great.”

Her laughter was gentle and serene.  “I knew you’d like it!  This is a good sponge you’ve got here.  Why, I was using it on myself just now and boy did it feel out of this world!”

“What?!” I spluttered.  “You mean the sponge you’re using now is the exact same one you used when you were taking your shower?!”

“Uh-huh.  Why?”

“Oh…!  Um, n-nothing.  Nothing at all.  Ahaha…”  The sponge that she was using to soap herself up all over was now being used to scrub my back?!  Wasn’t that like, I dunno, indirect sex or something?!  I had to stick two fingers up my nostrils to stop the blood from flowing out.  An active imagination was a dangerous thing…

I changed the subject to try and calm my nose.

“You seem good at this.  Have you done this before, Eri?”

“Yup.  Sometimes when Shiki and I hit the onsen, we’d wash each other’s backs.  Guess I got most of my practice from there.  Exfoliation is important for a girl’s skin, you know?  I mean, you may be a guy, but taking care of your skin is just as important too.”

Shiki, huh…  Hearing her name would have set my heart a-flutter before, but now… it was just a name.  She was still a friend I treasured, yes.  But whatever special feelings I used to have towards her were now no more.

Speaking of which, where did Eri’s feelings lie?  I wanted to find out but didn’t know how to start asking.  Thankfully she made things simpler for me.

“Hey, Neku?” she said cautiously.  “I don’t like bringing this up as much as you do, but… we’ve both had our own failures in love, huh?”

I could tell she was treading carefully so I did the same.  “Wh-What do you mean?”  
  
“Well, Shiki’s taken.  And as for me, I just broke up with my boyfriend.  So in a sense, we’re in the same boat.”

“Yeah…”  My single-word response was solemn.

“I don’t know when it’ll be, but at some point in time, I intend to pursue another relationship.”

“…Me too.”  If, I figured, we could empathise with each other, and share our common grievances… then perhaps I could subtly nudge myself into her heart and she’d do the same for me.  Maybe that’s how soul mates are born?

Curious, I pressed her, “So what kind of guy are you looking for?  Tall, handsome, debonair with class…?”  Her answer surprised me.

“I’m tired of those kinds of guys now.  They sweep you off your feet and make you think they’re something special.  Then you get to know them better and you realize they’re not the dream guys you want, and you get disappointed.  I should know.  Why else do you think my past relationships lasted only three months at most?”

“Wow… three months?  That’s short, Eri.”

“And it’s good it was that way!” she huffed.  “With every new boyfriend, it’s three months I’m never getting back, you know!”

“True, yeah.  So anyway, what’d you like to see in a guy?”  Man, my palms were getting sweaty from anticipation!  What kind of man turns Eri on?  Would I be that man?

“To be frank,” she said, sponging around my shoulder, “all I’m looking for is a guy who’ll love me for who I am.  I don’t even need him to be cute or rich or anything; he just needs to be nice and sensitive and be someone I can be comfortable around.  I may look the demanding type, but I’m actually a simple girl at heart.”

“That’s hard to believe coming from you,” I teased.

“And that’s rude, you know.  But enough about me!  What about you?  What kind of girl are you aiming for?”

I hesitated to answer.  Suddenly faced with such a question, I didn’t know how to respond.  I could talk about anything and everything with Eri, but if I said the wrong thing, things would get incredibly awkward between us.  The trick was to be subtle…

“Do you like your girl to be shy and dainty?” chuckled Eri, enjoying herself.  “Or perhaps you’ve got your eye on a plucky tomboy.  Maybe you’re a fan of the rebellious type.  Or, heaven forbid, maybe you like… older women?”

“Huh?!  Older women?  Of course not!  That’s sick!”

“Then don’t keep me waiting!  If there’s a particular pedigree of dream girl that you fancy, I wanna hear it.  So go on, don’t hold back.  Tell me!”

I cleared my throat.  “Erm… well… She should be nice… and have a warm heart, and – ”

That was when I felt a light slap on my head.  “Don’t just give me some standard answer!  That’s boring.  Give me specifics!  Details, details!”

“Wh-What kind of details are you talking about?”

She got to work lathering up my other shoulder.  “I just think you’ll need a girl who’s tailored to your needs, so you’re gonna need someone really special.  That dream girl you’re searching for must be specialized in certain things!  For example, she’ll need ninja reflexes… so she can plug your nose in as soon as your nosebleeds start!”

“Again my lack of control over my nasal functions becomes the highlight… You’re cruel, Eri…”

How she laughed her pretty little head off!  “It’s practically a requirement, but she’ll be really busy with the way you are!”

“Well… at least I know I’d love a girl as funny as you are.  Life wouldn’t be boring that way.”

“As funny as me, huh?  Aha, now we’re getting somewhere!  So funny girls are your type.  Yup, nothing wrong with that.”  This caused her to pause for a second.  “Then… how about me as a girlfriend?”

Upon hearing that, I was so surprised that I choked on… wait, there was nothing to choke on, but I choked anyway!  How could I not with the things she says!

“Eri?!”

Her trademark playful attitude was reaching new heights.  There was that painfully distinct seductive air about her as she spoke, an air that would weaken the knees of men (I should know).  “Mmm?  Did I hear you scream why?  But I say, why not?  I do fit your criteria, you know.”

“I didn’t mean – ungh?!”

Eri laid both of her hands on my shoulders and leaned in close so she could speak in my ear.  She blew all over it, very slowly she did it and on purpose.  Her breath gave me shivers down the spine as it tickled my lobe.  Yikes!

“Is having me as your partner for life such a bad thing?” she breathed.  “Think about it… We’ll see each other’s faces in the morning when we wake up, I’ll make you breakfast, and I’ll tease you every single day but you wouldn’t get fed up with it because we’re madly in love with each other.  And then at night…”

“Wh-What do you mean ‘at night’?!”  Urk… How did she see through me?  That was exactly what I wanted!  Right down to the teasing part!  Even the night part!

Eri was obviously getting a sort of high from playing massacre with my hormones.  But she wasn’t done yet – no, if she was anything to go by then it was just the beginning.  “Wouldn’t it be really something,” she added with a sigh, “if we could scrub each other’s backs in the bath and flirt like we are now?  Must be fun, even if it’s a bit mental, huh?”

“W-We’re not flirting!  And you’re right about it being mental!”  My teeth were chattering not from the cold, but from… you know.

I was waiting for her to retaliate with a good comeback, but didn’t get a single reply.  By now she’d have said something witty; after all, it wasn’t like her to be tongue-tied.  What was going on?  First she’s all flirty and now she’s… quiet?

“Ahaha… I’m just kidding, Neku.”  The tone of her voice was strangely subdued and a little sad.  “You know me, always pulling your leg.  I mean, me cooking breakfast is way out there.  I can’t even boil an egg.  Oh well…”

“Eri?  …What’s wrong, Eri?”

“‘What’s wrong’?  Heh… you’re really perceptive.”  She scooped some water from my pail with a pan and spread it over my back to wash away the soap, and she was obviously taking the moment to think of how to put her thoughts into words.  “Okay, hear me out, Neku.  I know it sounds silly and maybe even a waste of time to you, but please listen to me for a while.”

“Sure, go ahead.”  What was it that she wanted to tell me?  Was this another one of her secrets?

“To be really honest with you – and it embarrasses me so – I can’t cook, Neku.  And… I can’t sew, or do a whole bunch of things that other people probably have no problem doing.  And this has been bothering me plenty.”

“What’s wrong with not being able to do some things?  Everyone has their own handicaps, you and me included.”

“But if I’m in a relationship, and I can’t fix a decent breakfast for my boyfriend or even mend his clothes when they’re torn, then I wouldn’t make a good girlfriend at all.”

“Are you worried that you wouldn’t be good enough for your next boyfriend?”

“Yeah.  All I can do is fashion design, but it’s not gonna help me make lunch or dinner, or patch up a hole in someone’s trousers.  And there are lots of people out there who can do these things and more.  Look at Shiki!  She can sew, and make my designs come to life.  Without her, I can’t do squat.  And a lot of girls in my class can at least make something great in the kitchen.  Any one of them is better than me!

“It hurts, you know, Neku?  Whenever I see one of my gal pals give homemade cookies to some guy, or huddle in a corner busy knitting a scarf, I feel terrible because it reminds me of all the things I can’t do.  I… At the very least, I want to be able to cook  _something_ , but I always end up busy from college stuff anyway, and besides, I don’t know where to start so I’m pretty much stuck at square one…”

It’s true that Eri was lacking in a few basic skills, but I never thought it was that big an issue for her.  It certainly wasn’t an issue for me.  But this revealed yet another serious side of her – the dark side of the moon no one ever saw – and while I must guiltily admit that it made me even more fascinated with her, I must also add that my desire to care for her grew even stronger.  As a gentleman, it was my job to comfort a lady in a state of distress.  And right now, inexperienced as I may be, I did my best to do just that.

She had finally finished talking, and let out a sigh that billowed over my damp back.  I didn’t want her to wallow in self-loathing any longer, so I bravely spoke up:

“Hang on, Eri.  I get that you’re worried you can’t do certain things, but just because you can’t cook or sew doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to keep a guy.  If he really loves you, he’ll love you despite all of your faults.”

“Are you trying to cheer me up?  Heh… Thanks, but the thing is, I… I dunno if that works, Neku.”

“Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.  It’s only natural.  Fashion design may not help make good food or repair clothes, but it’s still a skill that’s mighty useful.  After all, it gives rise to clothes that help people feel more confident when they wear them!  When you think up of all those designs that eventually make it from the drawing board to the shelves in a boutique… have you stopped to consider just how many people you’ve helped look and feel better about themselves when they buy your clothes?  Fashion design is something you should be proud of!”

“Huh… I never thought about it that way.  When you put it like that…”

Good… She was starting to understand.  “And if… if you’re still worried that you can’t cook and stuff, I… I can teach you.”

She gasped.  “You’ll teach… me?  How to cook, you mean?”

“Yeah, why not?  I’ve got some easy recipes that are just perfect for a beginner like you.  If you want to, we could spend one day per week helping you learn the ropes of basic cooking.  We’ll take our time; nothing too tough…  Ah!  Saturday or Sunday would be great.  Oh wait, that depends on you, of course.  I wouldn’t force you into anything; it’s your choice.”

There was a few long seconds where nothing was spoken.  Or rather, I knew she was struggling to say something, but didn’t know what to say.  She must be contemplating what to do.  If she wanted to cook, she’d have to sacrifice some of her free time, which I imagined was spent on shopping and outings with the girls.  I wondered if she was really willing to carry it through.

Her voice was barely a mumble when she replied.  “I… I wanna learn to cook.  I’m tired of not being able to even cook anything.  N-Neku, could… could you teach me?  Pretty please?”

“Of course!”  I was genuinely glad for her that she wanted to improve herself.  And as an added bonus, we would be spending even more time with each other, which would bring us closer… That’s a good thing!

She was apparently so overcome with happiness that she wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug from behind.

“Thank you!” she squealed.  “I’ll be counting on you, Sensei!”

“Calling me Sensei is a bit much,” I gulped.  Oh god!  I could hardly believe that a naked girl was hugging me.  Her breasts were supple and firm and felt so good as they squashed against my back…  What a fantastic turn of events this was to be sure, something the pervert in me simply had to savour to the fullest assuming I didn’t die from a heart attack or loss of blood (whichever came first)!

“You’re my teacher now,” she cooed into my ear.  “It’s only natural that I address you with the proper amount of respect.  Right, Sensei?”

“…J-Just call me by my name.”

“Hee hee.  Alright, alright, I was just kidding about that.”

A sideways glance at her showed that she was smiling from ear to ear.  It looked like her spirits had at last returned to their former glory.  That was good.  I was glad that I was able to be a great friend to her, to be able to be there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on.

…Her breasts planted firmly on my back were still distracting the heck out of me, though.  And the thing was, now that she was happy, she was hugging me tighter.  And of course, you should know what that meant…

She whispered, “Thanks, Neku.  You’re a nice guy.”

“We’re buddies,” I muttered simply.  “Buddies help each other.”

“Yeah!” she giggled happily.  “We’re the best of friends!  We make the most awesome team!  I scrub your back and you scrub mine!  Right?”

“Th-That’s not how the idiom goes.”

“Tee hee!  Well, whatever works, Sensei!  We’ll sort out a schedule with my cooking lessons later, okay?  But in the meantime, bath time is far from over, and I’ve already given your back the squeaky clean treatment, so… wanna scrub mine?”

“Huh?!”

“What?”  Whether she was teasing me or being truthfully oblivious, it was hard to tell.  “Is something wrong?”

“S-Scrub  _your_  back, you say?!” I stammered.  “Do you realize just how indecent you just sounded, Eri?!  You scrubbing my back, I can handle somewhat.  But the other way around is simply too much for me!  I don’t think it’s right for me to do it!”

“What’s the big deal with a naked back?”  That tone of hers was more quizzical than playful, so she wasn’t joking.  She was so accustomed to nudity that she didn’t think anything of it.

Her warped reasoning continued thus, “It’s really fun, Neku.  Plus I love it when someone sponges me up – it’s sensational, you know; the tepid foam slinking down my spine!  But most importantly, I can’t really reach my back, so if you could help me out, that’d be just wonde– ”

Not even my vice-like fingers could prevent the blood from gushing right out of my nose in a spectacular torrent of crimson death.  It travelled in an arc which splattered onto the floor a good foot or two away.  And because the floor was already wet to begin with, the blood quickly spread out into a frightening reddish cloud.

It was difficult to know from the gasp Eri made whether she was shocked or what.  She did love her horror movies, so she might be impressed.  But in any case, in a rare moment of clarity, she recognized the severity of my condition.

“Neku?  M-Maybe you should get out of the bath real quick for now…”

XOXOXOXOXO

Eri got out first, and when I emerged from the bathroom, she was already sitting on the couch.  The television was on and she had helped herself to an ice-cream from the fridge.  I knew she was an honorary housemate, in a way, but… just how comfortable was she in my home that she could take and do whatever she wanted?

When she saw me, she called me over.  “Hey, come on and sit here!”  She patted the seat next to her on the couch in a very friendly and carefree way, motioning me to join her.

Normally, if a gal pal invited me to sit next to her, I’d be fine.  But…

“Neku, what’s with the hesitation?  Come on!  This program they’re showing on TV right now is pretty interesting.  The mystery of the  _tsuchinoko_.  It’s this mystical snake creature found in forests and is said to fetch lots of money if you can catch one and sell it.  But… it can jump super high to evade predators, and in a pinch, it can spit venom that’s really really poisonous, like rrrgh…!”  To emphasize the creature’s deadliness, she made her hand into a claw-like shape.  “Intriguing stuff, huh?”

I just stood there, hesitant to join her.

“Um, am I boring you?” she said meekly.  “I’m sorry if I am…”

“No, I do think the  _tsuchinoko_  has its charm and all, but… do you expect me to sit next to someone who’s wearing only a towel?”

She blinked and looked down at her body, which was clad in… what else?  A towel.  Yeah.  Ahem.  But instead of recognizing her lack of etiquette – not that I expected her to – she said goofily, “Oh, that’s true.  Want me to take it off?”

“N-No, that’s not it!  Keep it on!”

Cheeky as usual, her hands reached for the hem of her towel.  I snapped both palms at her and waved them in a desperate “no” gesture.  “I said KEEP IT ON!”

One look at my panicking self was all it took to turn her into a giggling machine.  I must have seemed like quite the fool letting her laugh at me.  Oh well, this was an occurrence I had long gotten used to by now, but a part of me wished she could be less strenuous on my sanity.  Her towel stayed on, though, so thank heavens for small favours.  Seeing that there wouldn’t be any more (deliberate) wardrobe malfunctions, I decided it was safe enough and joined her on the couch amid the girlish laughter and her slapping her knee.

“Gosh darn it, Neku,” she gasped, “how are you so funny?  I just can’t resist teasing you; it’s almost like if I stopped I’d get cold turkey, ha ha ha!”

I slouched deeper into my seat.  “I-I’ll take that as a compliment… I think.”

“That’s the spirit!  That’s one of the things I like about you!”

She was now laughing so hard she had to clutch onto my arm for support.  Was I such a riot to her?  I didn’t really mind her doing all this to me because it wasn’t like she was bullying me or anything.  There was nothing malevolent about her playful nature.  She just loved to have fun.  At least she wasn’t a sulky, moody one.  I’d hate to spend the rest of my life with someone like that.

The laughter petered away as she peered into my face until she apparently her supply of “ha ha ha’s” ran out.  Her eyes… they had this beautiful smoky colour and I was hopelessly mesmerized.  We gazed at each other for a good chunk of time, saying nothing.  The silence grew so overpowering that I could stand it no longer and I spoke up, but even then it was but a mere whisper.

“Eri?”

“To be serious for a sec,” she said, “I had a lot of fun today.  I just wanted to tell you that.  I could tell you were putting in a lot of effort just to make me feel better, so… thank you, Neku.  Thank you so much for the date.”

“Um… uh…”  After the hell she must have had to endure with her ex-boyfriend, it was nice that she was back to being her usual cheery self.  However, as I was not used to being thanked by a girl in such a heartfelt manner, I felt a little strange and didn’t know how best to respond, though I was also happy.  Finally stumped, I just scratched my head and gave her a sheepish grin.  “Ahaha… Well… I wonder what I should say…”

“You can say ‘you’re welcome’ for starters.”

“No, I mean, uh, don’t worry about it!”  Her gaze on me lingered and I quickly became self-conscious, opting to stare at the floor instead.  “It’s not like I did anything particularly outstanding.”

She shook her head and refuted my humble claim.  “That’s not true.  There were so many cool things you’ve done for me today.  You helped me with my shopping, you took me out for a blast of a time at that karaoke bar, your advice made me feel a lot more confident about myself, and you’re really going to teach me how to cook.  And… And you even introduced me to the previously unexplored world of sweet potatoes!  Neku, you blew me away today.  Seriously.  You’re a real man!”

Whoa, I couldn’t believe it.  Was she actually impressed with me?  I just acted from the heart, did what I felt was right, and… well, I guess being sincere and gentlemanly was the way to go.  Frankly, I was surprised how well it turned out.

Her many praises for me got me all embarrassed, though.  “Th-Thanks, Eri.  I’m glad you had fun.  If you’re happy, then… so am I.”

“Hee hee!  It’s good that you finally acknowledge how awesome you really are.”

She gave my shoulder one more friendly squeeze, and we went back to the  _tsuchinoko_  program.  Or rather she was, as I couldn’t focus.  So many things were going on in my head, and I needed to sort it all out.

“Um, before I forget, Neku,” she muttered, “don’t be discouraged!”

“Don’t be discouraged?  What do you mean?”

The caring way in which she spoke was genuine, but… “You weren’t feeling too great in the bath earlier, but you can always scrub my back at a later time, okay, Neku?  There’s always a next –”

_Splurt._

“– time?  Neku?!  Oh gosh, you’ve got another nosebleed!  It’s totally gushing onto the floor!!!”

Yeah, next time… because until then, I needed a blood transfusion.


	9. A Rival (?) Appears!

“Neku, there you are! C’mon, hurry up!”

Eri waved at me from the bus-stop, and I scampered over in a hurry. The bus had already long arrived by the time I spotted it and the most of the passengers had already boarded. She and I would be the last to get on.

As we took our seats, she chided, “Man, it’s not like you to be so tardy.”

Out of breath from all the running, I did my best to talk through painful gasps. “Let’s just say I had a… slight electronic malfunction.”

“You mean your alarm clock didn’t go off today?”

“You’re a sharp one, Eri.”

“I can’t believe you could be so careless!” she sighed in slight exasperation. “And today’s an important day too! Seriously, I was wondering what happened to you.”

“Sorry…”

I felt guilty that I made her worry, but at the same time, my excitement was growing. Like she said, today was an important day, but not because there were exams or even classes to be had.

Eri’s gripes about being hopeless in the kitchen led me to offer to teach her how to cook, and after she gladly accepted, we came to a mutual agreement: every Saturday I would pop by her place and teach her one simple recipe. There would be active participation on her part so that she could gain precious hands-on experience. Finally there would be a use for the kitchen at her home that she had been neglecting all this time. And if, prior to her lessons, some ingredients were lacking, we would go shopping for some. Just like now.

That’s right… Today was Saturday, the day of her very first cooking lesson with me. We were planning to make shrimp tempura and I knew we would have a good time – especially Eri – because of how visibly excited she was. But we didn’t have any shrimp, or anything for that matter, since all she had in her fridge was cans of beer and… more cans of beer (yeah, she was quite the drinker). So here we were taking the bus to a supermarket I frequented which was in another part of the city.

“This is gonna be fun,” said a hyped-up Eri. “After today I’ll be able to make tempura. I can’t wait!”

I chuckled and found it cute that she was willing to dive right in. “Glad to hear that. This isn’t particularly hard, but you’ve got to pay close attention.”

“Yes, Sensei!”

“Y-You can drop the ‘Sensei’ part already, you know…”

XOXOXOXOXO

The supermarket was one of the branches of a famous chain store so it was a vast place where one could purchase all kinds of things, mostly food. We got ourselves a trolley to dump our goods in and off we went.

“Alright, Eri, let’s get started.” I fished a shopping list out of my pocket and we browsed through it together. “What we need is shrimp, flour, eggs, seasonings and a few other bits. Let’s get our shrimp last because we don’t want it to thaw out too much while we’re shopping.”

“Mmm, yeah, that makes sense.”

She was gazing at everything in what seemed like wonder, making it look like she had never stepped foot inside a supermarket in her life. Not that I was surprised considering how she never cooked at all before this…

“What is it, Eri?” I asked. “You look like you’ve just landed in another planet. You… have been to a supermarket at least once before, right?”

“Of course I have!” she huffed. “But I just had a thought. If all the shelves here were filled with clothes instead of food…”

“Eri… You’re drooling.”

“How can I not?! The thought of this whole place being one giant boutique is just…” – she paused to wipe her mouth dry – “…It just boggles the mind, doesn’t it?! Just think, Neku! Aisles upon aisles of blouses and jeans! All the brands you can think of, from D+B to Pavo Real! And because the shop’s so darn big, there’ll be more fitting rooms so no more waiting for slow customers to get out so you can use them! It’d be the ultimate fashion-lover’s utopia!” – now she was getting wrapped up in her fantasies and hugging herself like an idiot – “Ah… thinking about it gives me the shivers. I could just die.”

“Well, don’t. We have shopping to do.” I flicked her lightly on the forehead to wake her up. “And focus.”

“Way to spoil a girl’s dream,” she mumbled, rubbing her head. “But you’re right. We’re here for food, not clothes.”

“Glad you’ve come back to your senses at last,” I deadpanned. “Now, shall we start?”

“Yeah! First thing on the list is flour, right? Then let’s go get some. C’mon!”

She didn’t think twice about holding onto my arm like a bride would. It wasn’t the most appropriate way to appear in a public place, but it did make me feel very happy inside. Arm service, as it was. Now it was hard for me to focus. And the way she was bombarding me with culinary questions was so cute and innocent that I was struggling to keep myself from melting. Well, half of those questions were more dietary-based than anything, but…

“Tempura has a nice flavour,” said Eri as we passed by a few aisles, “and the crispy texture makes it fun to eat, but… I’m a little worried about the calories. Isn’t there a way to make it healthier or something?”

I explained patiently, “There have been attempts to shallow-fry it, with varying degrees of success. But normally it’s deep-fried to give it a beautiful and even coating, and you’ll have to use a wok and plenty of oil for it to come out right.”

“Oil?!” She gave a horrified gasp at the mere mention of the word. “H-How much?!”

“Enough to fully cover the tempura. We’re looking at about three inches deep.”

“Oh my god! Three inches?! The calories! Just think how many of the nasty little things are lurking around in each serving! It’d be murder on my figure!”

I expected her to react like this, but I had prepared myself for such an occasion. I tried my very best to subdue her worries, though I wasn’t sure if it would help.

“Eri,” I said kindly, “deep-frying is unavoidable when making tempura, but you need only dip it in oil very briefly. Shrimp cooks extremely fast too, so it’s all for the better that shrimp tempura doesn’t stay in the oil for too long. Sure, it’s still deep-frying, but it’s not that bad when you fry it that quickly. Besides, it’s not like you eat tempura everyday.”

This helped her to calm down somewhat. “Hmmm, you do make some valid points there. Tempura once in a blue moon shouldn’t hurt too much. Still… there’s got to be a way to make it healthier…” Then her eyes lit up; she had a brainwave, or what she felt was one, but really wasn’t. “I know! We could add beer in the batter! I’ve got plenty at home!”

“H-How does that make it any healthier?” I sighed. “Although it’s true that beer can be used to make batter. Our recipe doesn’t call for that though…”

“Batter, huh… Wait, that’s it! It’s the batter that’s the worst culprit! How could I not see that!” She gave herself a light slap on the forehead, as though she finally understood. “In that case, we can just make the tempura without the batter! Problem solved.”

“Then it’s not tempura in the first place!”

“Huh. Then there’s no getting around it. I’ll have to grin and bear it… and burn those calories later. Yup! An extra hour or two at the gym should do the trick! But don’t worry, I can take it!”

“Ahaha… No need to go to extremes…” This girl could be hard to comprehend at times…

Out of curiosity, I spoke up, “Eri, is having a slim figure that important for you?”

She flashed a smirk at me. “Need you even ask, Neku? A girl’s got to take care of her looks.” Her gaze floated away to our empty trolley as we talked and she didn’t look at me, like she was being serious and regarded physical appearance as an issue not to be taken lightly. In a way, that was true.

“Shibuya’s a jungle,” she continued. “It’s full of girls who have what it takes to look good. I know appearances aren’t everything that matters, but acting conservative all the time isn’t going to get me a lot of attention. I’m not saying I love to be a celebrity like The Prince where people are always admiring me, but first impressions count, you know? It can give you an edge when it comes to finding work, or a boyfriend… I mean, it’s only a slight edge and credentials are the most important thing at the end of the day, but I say you should make good use of every advantage you’ve got, right?”

In agreement I nodded. “Yeah. People wouldn’t notice you immediately if you aren’t much to look at. A cruel truth, to be sure…”

“I know, right? I’m single now too, and I really want to get into another relationship soon, so it’s essential to stay in shape and look good if I want to get another guy’s attention.”

“Another guy…” I wondered if it could ever be me…

XOXOXOXOXO

Half of the items on our shopping list were ticked off, sitting comfortably in the trolley. Progress looked solid. I was feeling really good about today. Why was this? There were plenty of reasons, but one of them would be that we were walking side by side so it’s almost like we were a couple. Ahaha… Such were the fancies of an active imagination, I guess…

I sneaked a sideways peek at my beautiful friend, expecting to see her smiling and looking very sunny.

Instead, she looked restless. Her fingers were fiddling with her hair one too many times. More than once she adjusted her cap for no reason. And she was stealing glances back at the aisles we just passed. Was something bothering her? Or, worse still… was there a guy who caught her attention?! Perish the thought!

“What’s wrong, Eri?”

“Um… Neku…” She bit her lip and clutched at my sleeve. “There’s something I simply have to get. Or rather, a few somethings… If you don’t mind, could you come with? I wouldn’t be long.”

“Sure, I don’t see why not. But you don’t have to be so nervous about it…”

“Th-Thanks… Um, it’s right this way…” I followed her and the place she wanted to go so desperately was a mere few steps away. What was it that was bugging her so, though?

I found my answer soon enough.

As soon as I poked round the corner into the aisle, out of nowhere a giant creature made out of packets of chocolates came hurtling towards me. Panic seized me for a good second or two. What in the world was this monster supposed to be?! The snack golem took this opportunity to step right up to my trolley before dismantling itself and pouring the pieces of its body inside. I watched, in bewilderment and a very slight amount of horror, as a mountain of its own body parts began to pile up.

So distracted was I by the very sight that I didn’t look up. If I did, I might have understood a lot quicker the circumstances and the truth behind this creature’s existence.

Eri was in the process of loading junk food into the trolley, and in the snap of a finger I deduced that the mysterious Snack Thing was actually her carrying a whole stack of chocolates. My confusion gave way to exasperation.

“Eri!”

Startled, like she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she squeaked, “Y-Yes?”

“May I ask just what is with all this stuff?!”

She gulped visibly and her answer was weak, like she was hoping it would suffice and work for me. “Um… supplies?”

Seeing how my frown wasn’t going to go away anytime soon, she switched strategies. She clasped her hands together in a praying gesture, as a very respectful form of apology. “I’m so sorry, Neku! But I simply have to get these!”

“Eri,” I huffed, “we’re not here to buy candies and stuff. Or have you forgotten why we’re here?”

“Of course not. But… whenever I go into a supermarket, I’d always feel inclined to visit the snacks aisle, even when I know I wouldn’t be buying anything! The thing is, the moment I get near those chocolates, and they stare at me with those imploring eyes…” – she covered her face in mortal fear – “…I can’t stand it! They’re just begging me to feast on them! To sink my teeth into their sweet creamy goodness!”

“…Chocolates aren’t alive, Eri. They don’t seduce people.”

“B-But they’re so delicious… There’s nothing quite like a good solid bar or a bag of tasty, chunky nuggets. Even a simple packet of M&M’s is enough to make my day.”

“I thought you’re the one who was going on about calories and everything.”

“Ugh! I… I wouldn’t deny that.” She had the pained face of someone who had lost a debate. “But I couldn’t just leave them alone… They’re like my babies.”

“…You eat your babies? That’s just… no.”

Now she was beginning to get fed up with being pushed as far as the feeling of guilt could go. Her hands were balled into fists and they were shaking, not in rage but in desperation. “Okay, fine! You win this round, Neku. I give. However, I must have my daily dose of endorphins that can only be acquired from a helping of chocolate! I have to have some!”

“I get that you love chocolate,” I said, “but you know as well as I do that we’re here to shop for ingredients. If we spend so much of our money on all this junk, how’re we going to even buy the rest of what we need for your cooking lesson later?”

“I… was, um, hoping I could haggle for a discount…”

“This is not some flea market where prices can be negotiated!” I nearly exploded. “It’s a freaking supermarket! I’ll let you buy just one thing, but you return the rest right this minute, young lady!”

“Ah…! Y-Yes, Sensei! Forgive me, Sensei!”

I had never seen someone move so fast in my life. One second there was a pile of things in the trolley, and the next second, it had been neatly and properly returned to their original places. Now, only a single TimeOut was left, looking all lonely and pitiful.

She looked pretty pitiful herself as I ushered her out of the snack aisle and we finally went back to where we left off. I mean, if chocolate’s another one of her love interests, it’s only natural she’d be depressed. Heck, she looked like she had just gone through a breakup. I tried to tell myself that it couldn’t be helped, but seeing her look so disappointed made me feel very bad about it all. Plus that aura of negativity around her was suffocating…

Ah heck, now it was all awkward. Just what I wanted…

“I’m sorry, Neku,” she mumbled sheepishly. “I… lost control of myself back there. You know, with my chocolate cravings and all.”

“Uh…” What should I say? “It’s true that you did go overboard, but I’m sorry for speaking so sharply to you. Still…”

“Oh, no, see… I was wrong! Y-You were right to tell me off! If I hadn’t, then my chocolate-loving self would have taken over and I’d have jeopardized this shopping trip.”

Was this one of those weird bipolar personality things? Creepy…

“Well, anyway, Neku… I’m glad you stopped me.”

I felt that a win-win was the best way to go about things. “Look, Eri, when we go shopping for ingredients again for future lessons, I’d like you to keep in mind that we’ve got a limited budget. We can’t buy everything. That said, if you’re just as crazy about chocolate as you are about fashion… then I guess it wouldn’t hurt to increase our budget just a little bit more.”

She turned to me with a look of disbelief. “You mean… next time it’s okay if I buy some for myself? As in, really really?”

“When I say ‘some’, I don’t mean a truckload, okay?! We’re not the richest people in the world, you know. And most importantly, you need to stay focused on the task at hand!” Man… here I was compromising for her again… not that it’s a big problem. It’s just that if she knew the slightest inkling about moderation, this fiasco wouldn’t have to happen.

Without warning, she pulled me into a hug, happy with my generosity. “Thank you, Sensei! You’re the best teacher ever!!!”

Everyone from customers to sales assistants was staring. This was a situation I had seen many times by now, but it was always embarrassing every single time.

“I told you already, Eri… Stop calling me Sensei! And don’t hug me in public!”

XOXOXOXOXO

Our shopping trip went by without any further incidents. So now we were just waiting at the bus-stop with necessities in hand to go back to Eri’s house, where our tryst… I mean, cooking lesson would take place.

Of course it wouldn’t be a tryst… We weren’t even going out. Somewhere in my heart I sure wished as heck it was one though! That’d make things pretty interesting… Mmm… I could see it in my mind’s eye now…

“N-Neku!” cried Eri. “I’m so sorry. I burnt the tempura!”

Her failure came as no big surprise, considering how she had no prior experience in the kitchen. And I knew she would improve over time, so some encouragement was in order. “It’s no big deal,” I said, patting her on the head. “This is your very first time frying tempura. Sure, the result isn’t what we’re looking for, but it’s a commendable effort. You’ll definitely get it next time, so keep practicing!”

“B-But… I made a mess of the kitchen in the process! And… And I totally wasted our ingredients!”

“None of that’s a big deal. If the kitchen needs cleaning, we can just mop it up. And we can always get more ingredients later. What’s important is that you learnt something!”

“Neku…” Touched by my kindness, Eri lurched forward and gave me a big hug. “Neku…! I’m so glad you’re my friend! There’s no guy better than you are! Marry me!”

I returned her hug and cleared my throat, adopting a debonair tone in my voice to ready myself for the moment of truth. “To be honest, I’ve wanted to ask you for your hand in marriage for a long time. But since you beat me to it, I shall be graceful enough to give you my answer. So, Eri…” I held her at arm’s length, eyes piercing into her soul, and then with neither hesitation nor a single doubt, I took a deep breath and then said the magic words…

WHAP!

“Ow! E-Eri, what’s the deal? You just smacked me in the head!”

“Yeah, I sure did,” she huffed. “But that’s because you had this goofy grin on your face and it was getting unbearable real quick. What were you dreaming about anyway?”

“Um… n-nothing in particular… Yup.”

“…You’re a strange guy, Neku. And knowing you, you were probably thinking of something perverted.”

“Th-That’s not true!” I blurted. “I was just thinking about… um…” Oh shoot, I couldn’t tell her about what I was daydreaming about! That was a definite no-no! But I couldn’t think of a valid excuse quickly enough, so I looked like a fool leaving her waiting too long for my reply.

“Cat got your tongue?” she sighed. “Then I rest my case.”

“I-It’s not like that at all… Well, never mind, I guess.”

I felt her hand on my head as she ruffled my hair. “Now, I’m not necessarily saying being dirty-minded is a bad thing. A bit of lust now and again keeps people happy and their relationships healthy. If no one had any lewd thoughts, humans would go extinct.”

“So are you saying you’re essential for the survival of humanity? You’ve got some obscene ways yourself.”

Anyone else would have been quite offended by my remarks, but we were so close she knew I was joking and she just laughed. “Ha ha ha! I see you finally recognize just how important I am to the future of our world. When I tease you and do things that you claim are inappropriate, I’m just helping to lay the foundation for the continued existence of our species. How else will we thrive if I don’t do my part?” Then she mussed up my hair some more.

Rearranging my wayward hair, I smirked, “Don’t mistake your actions for messiah duties and such, Eri.”

She was about to come up right away with a retort when she happened to glance past me. Whatever or whoever she saw, it made her smile glaze over and the words just died in her throat. When I turned to look and see what was up, some guy was approaching us.

“I finally found you, Eri,” he said. “Having fun?”

Who in the world was this person? He seemed slightly taller than me, and though his frame was lean, he was no living toothpick either, because it looked like he worked out somewhat. His head was swathed in bleached locks, and he had looks that rivaled even The Prince’s, the kind that makes girls swoon at first glance. But the frown he wore on his chiseled face was not a nice thing to see and his tone was sarcastic, so I took an instant dislike to him.

Eri shuffled closer to me on the bench but made sure to stay behind me, using me as a shield. Who this person was I didn’t know, but it was obvious she didn’t like him. With a cold voice she was never heard to use, she spoke to him, “I thought I told you not to come around me. I told you I never want to see your face again.”

He wasn’t in the mood for niceties either, though he wasn’t as harsh as she was. “You don’t need to be so defensive around me. Can’t we just get along?”

“Eri?” I whispered. “Who’s this? Someone you know?”

“He’s my ex-boyfriend,” she replied aloud, not caring that he heard her. “The one I dumped.”

His face twitched at her bluntness. “You didn’t have to do that. We had a perfectly okay relationship going, and then you decide out of the blue that we can’t be together. It really came as a shock to me.”

“Do I look like I care?”

“How could you say that to me? Do you know how long I’ve been trying to reach you? I just needed to talk to you… But I can’t get through your cell at all.”

An irritated Eri snapped at him, “I had to change my cell phone number because of you and your stupid five-calls-per-day routine! Do you know how much of a bother you can be?!”

Whoa… He looked even more uncomfortable now, though I was secretly impressed he was even standing at all instead of disintegrating into dust. This ex-boyfriend of hers must have ticked her off badly enough for her to treat him like this. Remind me not to get on Eri’s bad side…

He cleared his throat and attempted to get through to her once more.

“Eri, I’m going to be frank with you. I still love you. I’m still crazy over you. And I see you’ve gotten yourself a new boyfriend, but –”

W-Wait. Boyfriend?! Was he talking about me?! His words made me all flustered and by instinct I denied, but I didn’t realize I was butting in. “Whoa, hang on,” I stammered, growing red, “I-I’m not Eri’s boyfriend. I’m just a friend. We’re not going out – ”

“Tch. Quiet, will you? I’m talking.”

I recognized the annoyance in his voice and subsequently clammed up. Perhaps it was better for me not to say anything at this stage. This wasn’t any of my business. I didn’t need to interfere.

Still, being stuck right in the middle of a tense face-off between ex-lovers really sucked…

“Anyway,” he continued, “I’ve been thinking about things, Eri. I think that maybe I’ve been wrong, and that maybe I upset you a tad too much. I’ve changed my ways for the better, so I want you to see and recognize that. I want you to know I’m sorry for everything.”

I had a bad feeling. Even if she was angry with him and dumped him, what’s to say she didn’t have any residual feelings of romance for him?

We see it all the time in movies and manga and TV dramas. The hero and heroine break up on the worst of terms. After countless days of tears and tantrums and flinging plates at the wall, they meet up on the streets by chance. Their sudden meeting is awkward and they still don’t like each other. But then the guy apologises because he realizes he was wrong. Suddenly all the memories of their happier times come flooding back to the girl, and she remembers how nice he can be. They make up, and after they promise unending love for each other, they become a happy couple again and walk off into the sunset and a brighter future. And then of course, the credits roll…

But wasn’t that kind of situation exactly like what was happening now?! Sure, there was no sunset right now because it was still morning, but… what if Eri was so moved by his words that she started to like him all over again?! If they got back together, all of my efforts to ensnare her would be wasted! But as an outsider to this conversation, it would be bad of me to interrupt and protest and shoo him away, so I was pretty much stuck.

Talk about a tough situation!

“Eri,” he added with a touch of emotion, “wouldn’t you come back to me please? Only you can make me feel complete. I want to be able to spend my days with you in happiness.”

Oh no… That was the clincher! The final words that would take a girl’s feelings by storm and bend her to a guy’s will! The ultimate strike into a girl’s heart! I didn’t want to see Eri faint into his arms, but it looked like I couldn’t do anything. Was my love life with Eri done for? Was this the end?!

Eri was surprisingly quick with her reply.

“Don’t wanna.”

Huh?

The ex-boyfriend and I were similarly stunned, although you can imagine that our reasons for being so were different. While his feelings now were of shock and disbelief, mine were of relief and growing hope.

“Eri?” he mumbled. “Wh-What did you say?”

“I said I don’t wanna go back to you,” she said sharply. “Are you deaf? We’re through. It’s over. So please don’t go on about it anymore, ‘cause I’m not listening.”

The ex-boyfriend was positively outraged and his feathers were ruffled. He demanded, “B-But why, Eri?! Why wouldn’t you accept me?!”

“I just don’t like you anymore. ‘Nuff said.”

“I… I wouldn’t accept that kind of answer, Eri! At least tell me where you think I’m wrong and I can change!”

There was a gleam in her eye that flashed dangerously, a sure sign of terrible things to come for anyone foolish enough to incur her wrath. You know what? Eri was standing behind me, but the moment I saw her deathly eyes, I wanted to be the one hiding behind her.

“Oh, so you want me to tell you,” she said, her aura growing darker. “You really want to know? Then I’ll do just that, and I wouldn’t hold back.”

I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that, and I wasn’t even him.

And hold back she sure as heck didn’t. As she spoke, his already battered confidence melted away and he even began to shrink to Lilliputian size. “You call me at least five times a day, and whenever I miss one of your calls you get mad. You wouldn’t let me go out and party with my gal pals because you’re so paranoid that I’ll find a guy and cheat behind your back. There are times when I want to be left in peace to get my homework done or indulge in my fashion design hobby, but you always interrupt me with another one of your calls and invite me out to lunch or a dinner date, and I can’t refuse because if I do you’ll whine like the overgrown brat you are and say that I don’t love you anymore blah blah blah. Seriously, I could go on and on about all of your demerits but I’ll stop here because I have better things to do than argue with a control freak with whom I’ve clearly stated not to get within five metres of me. Now are you satisfied with my answer? I hope you are.”

…I almost felt sorry for the poor guy. He was a wreck, cringing from her verbal assault. I thought I could almost hear the sound of his mind snapping.

“No,” he seethed, heart bleeding. “No, I wouldn’t stand for this!” He directed fiery eyes at me now. “You! You said you’re just a friend of Eri’s, right?!”

I could tell he was probably up to something and was very cautious about my words. But since Eri had made it clear that his presence was not welcome, I knew that at the very least, she and I were on the same side now, so I purposely made myself sound a little unfriendly in hopes of warding him off sooner.

Arms crossed, I answered, “Yeah. What’s it to you?”

“Then you wouldn’t mind if I take her for myself,” he growled. “You’ll see. I’ll make her happier than you ever could! So you stay away from her!”

Eri was about to yell at him but I spoke first. “No way.”

The sick sneer on his lips was the most unsightly thing I had laid eyes upon since bunny-eared parkas. “Stubborn, aren’t we? Fine. Then I challenge you. And if I win… stay away from her.”

Eri’s right… He was a freak. It was too bad we couldn’t just up and walk away from this guy, though. Our bus would arrive in a few minutes and the next one wouldn’t come round in half an hour, and we had frozen food that we had to hurry home and toss into the fridge to keep it from thawing. So we just had to bear with him till our ride out of this mess arrived. But while simply escaping was the easy way out, I felt that we’d be seeing more of this guy in the future if I didn’t end things here.

And this challenge he was talking about… I didn’t know what he had in store for me. Regardless, this was a good opportunity to put him in his place. This was the old shtick that romance films often use to generate suspense: the rival offers the male protagonist a challenge and whoever won would get the girl. Same story here, except, thanks to some quick thinking, I had a plan…

Eri was hurling curses at her ex-boyfriend and basically being very angry, and I didn’t blame her. “A challenge?!” she huffed. “Are you crazy? We don’t have time for this. Just go away already, will you?!”

“Hang on, Eri,” I said. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“N-Neku?! What are you saying?!”

The ex-boyfriend let out a short bark of a laugh. He must have thought that he had this match in the bag. “If that’s your choice – Neku, was it? – then that’s just great. I’ll be looking forward to the result! We’ll settle this once and for all. If I can’t have Eri, then no one else will!”

I had two words for him.

“Shut up.”

“Huh!” he snorted. “Well now, a bit of trash talk here and there ain’t gonna hurt if we’re gonna have ourselves a little showdown – ”

“Don’t get me wrong, idiot,” I grumbled. “I never agreed to your challenge. In fact, keep your stupid matches to yourself.”

“What?!” He didn’t take my words very well at all and became even more riled up.

A confused Eri could only wait for me to talk and explain myself. The ex-boyfriend was all ears too, to see if he could find something he didn’t like to hear so he could give me a good pummeling, I guess. Sure wasn’t good to know, but someone’s got to do it for Eri’s sake and it’s got to be me. If I had to take a wallop to the face to protect her, then so be it.

“Are you telling me you’re going to let me win by default?” he said. “Ha! You’re just a coward!”

“I’m not a coward. I’m just not stupid. And I’m not winning by default or anything. I’m telling you to back off.”

“Tch! Trying to act smart, huh?!”

“I don’t care what your problem is, but Eri’s my best friend, and if you’re just going to make her unhappy, I wouldn’t let you.”

He snarled, “What do you know?!”

That was when I got so irritated I stood up from the bench. He may be taller than me, but it didn’t matter and I just raised my voice and shook my fist at him. “She’s done with you! Why do you think she dumped you, huh?! She doesn’t want to see you anymore! Listen, pal. Don’t ever get near her again – heck, don’t ever get near us again. Don’t even try. I wouldn’t stand for it.”

“Threatening me to leave you alone? You think that’ll work, punk?!”

“What? So if I call the police right now and say you’re harassing us, you still wouldn’t think I’m being serious? I mean, hey, it’s your funeral…” I nonchalantly reached for my pocket where my cell phone was, and he noticed and stiffened up a little. I could almost picture his hair standing on end. Hope that scared him enough…

Behind me, Eri was clutching onto my shirt tighter. There was a terrible atmosphere as the ex-boyfriend sized me up and glared at me. I mentally braced myself for any abuse he might throw at me; whether physical or verbal, I was ready.

Eventually, he just shrugged and gave a long sigh of annoyance, shaking his head. “Hmph… I’m tired of this. Looks like I underestimated you. Seems like you’ve got some backbone after all. And the two of you look like you’re enjoying each other’s company already, so I don’t have a chance anyway. Still, Eri, I don’t know what you see in this guy.”

“He’s my friend,” she asserted firmly. “And he cares about me deeply. More than you ever did.”

He said not a single word more and just gave a grim little laugh that was tinged with defeat. Then he turned to leave, much to our relief, but not before he waved behind in a farewell gesture dripping with sarcasm, and a cry of “Adios, losers!” over his shoulder. I didn’t appreciate how he was so rude but it probably stung him more than it did us, so I felt a little bit better about that. We watched him go and when he was finally both out of sight and out of Eri’s life forever, the tension just dissolved away. My shoulders slumped like jelly. This ordeal was finally over.

I clasped Eri’s shoulders in concern, asking, “Hey, um, are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh! Of course. But… I’m sorry, Neku…” She was most apologetic. “It’s because I got mixed up with that freak in the past that you had to endure his nonsense…”

I responded kindly. “Hey, no biggie. Stuff happens in life, be it good or bad. We can’t avoid everything, so we just need to deal with it. Besides…” – I gave a small knowing smile – “…I said it before: you’re too good for that jerk mullet.”

“Jerk mullet… Pfft… ha ha ha ha! Yeah, I remember that!”

Laughter from Eri was always a good sign. “It’s the truth. He’s not worth your time, and you know it.”

“I do know. It’s just that I’m having a riot trying to imagine him with a fish’s face.”

“With whiskers.”

“Ha ha ha!” This time she was really slapping the living daylights out of my arm. “Oh, Neku, stop! This is too much, ha ha ha…!”

We had a good laugh about it – people were probably looking but we didn’t care – and by the time things settled down, she had gotten over the trouble her ex-boyfriend had caused earlier and she felt much better.

A calmer Eri was wiping the tears of mirth from her eyes. “By the way, when he challenged you to a duel, I didn’t expect you to nip the problem in the bud so quickly. I totally thought you were going to accept his challenge, and it’d lead to a really clichéd and overly-long multi-tiered battle that would end in a tiebreaker where you’d win at the very last moment! Nail-biting stuff!”

“Eri,” I sighed, “life isn’t like some kind of manga, you know…”

“But seriously, you were pretty cool back there. Thank you!”

“Huh? I didn’t do much. I just – ”

Her finger found itself on my lips, freezing the words in my throat. With a smile, she simply said, “Neku, this is the part where you say, ‘You’re welcome’. You’re an awesome guy, so take pride in yourself. Besides… two words wouldn’t cost you anything. Go on, say it. Can you say ‘You’re welcome’, Neku? You didn’t get to say it during the last date, so now I want to hear you say it. I insist.”

I hesitated. My heart was in knots. She had a way with things… a playful yet sincere way. But, truth be told, I liked it.

Hmmm, might as well.

“Y-You’re welcome…”

She giggled. “Good, that’s more like it.”

“I’ve been reminded when I was younger to say my P’s and Q’s,” I said, “but this is the first time I’ve been told to say ‘You’re welcome’. A bit strange, I’ll say.”

“Oh well, at least it’s appropriate, right? After all, that’s what you say when someone thanks you.”

And she gave me a wink that further accentuated her carefree mentality. The shivers my heart was feeling almost got out of control. When a person falls in love, everything to do with the person of their affection becomes a potential source of heart attacks… Maybe I should get depressants or something. Nishimura Pharmacy might stock them… Wait, this is all just ridiculous…

“Neku,” she announced, “the bus is here.”

The bus pulled up and we got on board with shopping bags in tow. Finally, our shopping was done and, consequently, so was the first part of our cooking lesson. But the real challenge was yet to come. Could she overcome the trials of the kitchen and emerge a winner? I was behind her one hundred percent, but I had a feeling this lesson wouldn’t be easy for me to teach…

In other pressing matters, she seemed to be stifling a giggle or two. Curiosity got the better of me and I nudged her to get her attention. “Eri? What’s so funny?”

Apparently she couldn’t hold it in anymore and she let out the loudest “pfft” I had ever heard, followed by laughter that was just as loud. All the other passengers naturally glanced our way, and the stares simply hurt. And I had an aisle seat too, so the first person that lay in their line of sight was me.

In the midst of it all, she chortled, “Jerk mullets! Oh god, Neku, that’s a good term you’ve coined there! The best I’ve ever heard! It’s definitely going into my vocabulary. It’s just so hilarious it’s awesome! HAHAHAHA!!!”

“Eri! Simmer down! You’re laughing too loudly! A-And please stop punching my arm – ow! OW!!!”

But as you can guess, it was no use. At least half of the trip home was punctuated by bursts of uproarious laughter from Eri, and we got the evil eye one too many times from the passengers. This was so embarrassing! But she didn’t mind one bit. She was too busy laughing.

I was starting to regret ever birthing that very term in the first place. Maybe I should have stuck with plain old foul language…


	10. Teach Me How to Cook, Sensei!

Back at Eri’s house at last.  To help her understand the basics of cooking, I had decided that for her very first cooking lesson we would start off with something nice and easy.  Back in school, one of the things they taught us how to cook in Home Economics was shrimp tempura, so what better way to start than with that?

“Since we’re going to cook right away,” I said, “I’ll place the shrimp in the chiller compartment.  Is that okay?” 

“Go ahead,” replied Eri.  “Well, assuming we can find space in there.” 

Here I was standing before the open chiller, packed with cans of beer from all kinds of companies.  No matter which way I looked, there simply was no space for even a measly packet of shrimp.  Well, it just went to show how much she loved drinking. 

“That’s a lot of beer, Eri.  It’s like the Great Wall of Alcohol.” 

“Yup, sure is!”  She sounded proud of the beer she was hoarding, as though it was a stash of gold, but as a teetotaller, I wasn’t impressed.  “Ah… for you, Neku, I’d recommend a nice shot of  _Genki_  draft beer.  It’s light and is perfect for people who are just starting out on drinking.” 

“No thanks.  You know I don’t take alcohol.  Besides, how can I teach when I’m drunk?” 

“Mmm, good point.  Ah, well, I thought I could change your mind.  I totally want a drinking buddy like you!”  She gently slugged me in the arm as a sign of affection.  “I mean, it’s fun going to bars with the girls, but what I really would like is a guy with whom I can spend the evening enjoying chilled beer.  Thing is, no guy I’ve met is decent enough so you’re my best bet.  But since you’re not into drinking – and there’s nothing wrong with that – I think I’m outta luck, ahaha.” 

What she just said… it was proof that not only did she trust me, she also… liked me?  No wonder the heat was rising to my face. 

“Neku?” she said.  “Your face is all red.  Y-You’re not drunk, are you?” 

I spluttered at the very insinuation that I of all people might be inebriated.  “Of… Of course not!  A-Anyway, since the chiller’s full, I’ll just have to stuff the shrimp in the freezer for now.  We wouldn’t keep it frozen for too long so it’ll be alright.” 

When I hauled the freezer door open it was the same story.  It was completely filled.  But it wasn’t beer that took up its precious space.  Instead, a selection of TV dinners, leftover pizzas and other quick fix-it-yourself meals made up the family inside the freezer.  There was nothing inside that spelt healthy. 

“Eri,” I gulped, “I don’t even want to imagine what you eat everyday.” 

Visibly ashamed, she muttered, “Th-That’s blunt, Neku… But I do get my three square meals a day, you know!” 

“Your three square meals are stuff you pop into the microwave?” 

Now she was getting a little annoyed.  “It’s not like I want to eat out or chow down on instant stuff all the time either!  I love home-made dinners as much as the next person too.  This has been bothering me plenty; that’s why I appreciate your wanting to teach me how to cook.  So get to it already, Sensei!” 

“Sure…” 

Eri went off to change while I was left to wrestle the shrimp into the freezer.  I had to squash the pizza box a little to make room; I hoped she wouldn’t mind.  It seemed very odd how the shrimp looked the odd one out in a sea of “instant” food.  Were her culinary skills so hopeless that nothing in her fridge needed to be prepared?  Already I could foresee that today’s cooking lesson would prove to be as much a trial for her as it was for me. 

As I was sorting out the rest of our ingredients, I began to notice that she was taking an awfully long time getting dressed.  Sure, she could spend minutes at a time getting dolled up for a grand night out as she once told me, but she wouldn’t be so silly as to put on make-up for something like a cooking lesson, and in her own home at that.  A minute or two passed and I was beginning to grow concerned.  What happened to her? 

My worries eased up completely when she emerged looking just fine in shorts and a long-sleeved shirt.  Ah, so these were the clothes that Eri liked to wear at home… cute!  Some eye candy during today’s lesson was always welcome.  But what sent my mind into overdrive was what she was trying to put on in addition to what she was already wearing. 

“Hey, Neku!” she grumbled.  “I’m having trouble putting the apron on!  Could you help me?  It’s the strings at the back… I can’t seem to tie them up.” 

My breath hitched in my throat as I watched Eri struggle with her apron.  I wasn’t sure if anyone could identify with my thoughts at that time, but that simple apron just raised her cuteness tenfold!  It was difficult to explain.  Maybe it really was a fetish of mine I didn’t know existed until now.  But it just worked.  I didn’t care  _how_  it worked; I just cared that it worked at all! 

Eri was cross to see how I was standing there not lifting a finger, but I was just too hopelessly spellbound to do anything. 

“Oi!  NEKU!”  Ouch… She was yelling this time.  “Don’t just stand there!  Help me tie the strings of my apron!  Geez!  Here I am getting all serious about cooking and your mind’s drifting off into space…” 

“Sorry, sorry.”  It was a simple matter for me to fasten her apron, but I did have one thought.  “Hang on.  I don’t get it.” 

“Don’t get what?” 

“You can put on Gothic bareback string corsets without a single hiccup ( _see Part 5_ ) and here you’re having problems tying an  _apron?_ ” 

“This is that are different things, Neku.  I mean, I haven’t done any cooking, so I’m not used to aprons at all.  I think that explains things nicely, don’t you think?” 

“Uh… not really…” 

In exasperation she sighed.  “I guess that’s what happens when someone who understands fashion talks to someone who doesn’t… It’s like a macaque talking to an orangutan.  But enough monkey banter!  It’s cooking lesson o’clock right now and I’ve been waiting so eagerly for this day, so let’s not waste time and get this show on the road.” 

I wanted to joke that macaques and orangutans should be on the same wavelength since they’re both primates, but she’s right.  The time had come for Eri to become a little bit more enlightened in the art of cooking, and I was going to help her. 

It wouldn’t be an easy journey for her, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

That apron was awfully distracting, though… W-Wish I could take a photo… 

XOXOXOXOXO 

“Pay close attention, okay?” I told Eri.  “And be sure to take notes.” 

“Aye aye, Cap’n!” 

“S-So not only am I Sensei, I’m also Captain now… Oh well.” 

To be perfectly honest, I had my reservations about Eri being able to carry through with her efforts.  Cooking is no walk in the park.  A total neophyte like her would find the going hard and clumsy, much like how a kid learning to walk must feel.  But as I observed her it was obvious she was taking this very seriously.  Throughout the lesson, she never once spaced out, she never complained even when her fingers got stained and oily, and though she might crack the occasional joke now and again, she really got into the whole rhythm of things.  That was good. 

As she cooperated with me by getting the batter ready amongst other tasks, she looked almost like a wife.  My wife?  Ah… wouldn’t that be nice.  Spending time in the kitchen… me, preparing the miso soup, and her, busying herself with the beef cutlets.  And then once it was all done, we’d reap our efforts with mealtime, feeling satisfied from a hard day’s work and a bond between us that grew stronger with each new tomorrow. 

Unfortunately I got so caught up in my daydream that I wasn’t really looking where I was slicing the scallions.  And so my hand slipped and I got a nice clean cut on my finger. 

Eri heard my grunts of pain and came over to check up on me.  “Neku!  What happened?” 

“It’s nothing.  I just cut myself by accident, that’s all.  I’ll just – ” 

“H-Hey, that doesn’t look pretty at all,” she said, cringing slightly.  “We’ve got to treat it!” 

She was right.  The wound was deeper than I thought and the blood was seeping out.  It wasn’t that bad, but it was still alarming. 

“Eri, do you have any band-aids – uh, Eri?!” 

“First aid must be delivered without hesitation.”  Not wasting a second more, she grabbed hold of my hand and popped my bloodied finger into her mouth. 

What was she doing?!  Was she trying to suck the blood away?  It was almost like she was sucking on my finger… and it was warm and strangely soothing inside her mouth.  A shiver ran down my spine when I thought I could feel her tongue rolling around.  I appreciated the quick thinking on her part, but the way she was going about it was so erotic!  And she was in her apron too, so that was like a double KO for me!  Just imagine the kind of situation I was in… the girl I loved, wearing a cute apron and licking my finger… 

After a full minute of this treatment she looked up to a horrendous sight. 

“Neku!” she gasped, shocked.  “Y-You’ve got a nosebleed!  Did… Did I make things worse?!  And more to the point, wh-which bleeding should I stop first?!” 

“Don’t worry about me,” I mumbled through a pinched nose.  “I’ll be fine.  But I’m going to have to borrow the bathroom sink.  I wouldn’t be long, so in the meantime please carry on with what you were doing with the batter.” 

“Uh… if you say so…  By the way, band-aids are in the medicine cabinet so go ahead and help yourself to one.  You’ll find tissues there too for your, um, nose.” 

I ended up dangling both my face and my finger over the sink, watching the blood drip and stain the enamel.  Gosh darn it… Eri really was something else to be able to turn the simplest of acts into something outrageously sexy.  It was almost like a talent of hers, though it probably wasn’t one that might be envied.  To cite an example, when she was with me at Mexican Dog one time, and she ordered a chilli dog… 

…No, maybe I shouldn’t get into that.  Who knew what would happen to my poor nose if I started to recall how she sucked the sauce off of the sausage, or when she accidentally spilt some OJ on her hand and she licked it clean, or when she – 

Uh-oh.  Too late.  I thought about it. 

And now… the blood gushed harder. 

XOXOXOXOXO

“Eek!”

“Yeow!  Almost hit me!”

“I’m sorry, Neku!” yelped Eri.  “But this is really scary!  Is this how tempura is supposed to be cooked?  Surely there has to be a better way!  Why does the oil have to splatter all over the darn place?!” 

“It doesn’t have to!  It’s because you’re dropping the tempura into the oil instead of slipping it in!  Then of course it’ll splash everywhere!” 

Right now I was teaching Eri how to fry the tempura.  It had to be deep-fried, which meant filling the wok with lots of oil to cook it evenly.  One of the drawbacks of deep-frying is how the hot oil would churn and spray during cooking, and it would sting badly when it came into contact with your skin. 

“Easy does it,” I said, watching with anxiety.  “That’s right, Eri.  Keep a good grip on the shrimp.  Keep a really good grip, then slip it into the oil – ” 

“Waah!” 

“Whoa!” 

I couldn’t blame Eri for having trouble with the tempura.  The shrimp and batter were both slippery, and holding it with chopsticks wasn’t easy.  So the shrimp slid off from her grip too early and it made a good splash in the hot oil.  Again.  Both of us managed to evade the oil thanks to some quick reflexes and a bit of luck, but our bodies were twisted into pretzel shapes trying to do so.  It might be funny to laugh later on about how Eri and I had to adopt the mantis and monkey kung fu stances respectively, but at that time, it wasn’t the slightest bit hilarious at all. 

“I-I’m sorry again, Neku!” she wailed.  “I’m trying to do like you told me, but it’s hard to even hold it in the first place!” 

I showed her how it was done and she observed with great care.  “Well, I know how you feel, Eri.  The first time I made tempura it was pretty much the same story.” 

“Really?”  She was surprised.  “Even an awesome cook like you had this kind of problem in the past?” 

We were waiting for our current batch of tempura to cook so I took the time to explain in more detail.  “Not everyone’s a genius from the get-go.  We were all newbies once, me included.  I remember how my aunt used to teach me how to cook simple foods, and she’d chew me out whenever I made a stupid mistake.  Heh… She sure could be harsh.” 

“Must be nice to have a relative who’s willing to show you the basics of cooking.  As for me, no one in my family can cook, so I was pretty hopeless from the start, ha ha ha…” 

“S-So you’re saying your inability to cook runs in the family?  Whoa.” 

“Thanks to you, however,” she said, grinning, “I think I can finally put an end to this vicious cycle.  Hey, I know!  I can whip up some tempura for my parents and totally surprise them!  It’ll be pretty rad.” 

“I like the sound of that,” I agreed, smiling too.  “They’ll be proud to know that their daughter can do something they can’t.” 

“And when they ask from whom I learnt how to cook tempura, I’ll take you to my parents’ house so I can properly introduce you to them.  So make sure you say the right things so you can impress them.” 

I broke out into a cold sweat.  “Er… isn’t it a bit too soon for me to be seeing your parents?  Shouldn’t this wait till a later time when we’re more – Wait.  Wait wait wait!  Wh-What’re you making me say, Eri?!  I-It’s not like we’re… you know…” 

“…dating?” 

Mischief was saturated in her chuckle.  It was clear I was about to be subject to her teasing once more, and although I prepared myself for her myriad wiles, I knew this was a battle of wits I could never hope to win. 

“So you’re saying we’re not an item, Neku?” she purred naughtily.  “We’ve chalked up two dates by now, and done lots of things together.  Even taking baths – oh my!  But still you deny it?  That’s cute, but…” 

“I-I’m not denying anything!  Wait… No, if I’m not denying anything then that means…!  Argh!  Wh-What do you want me to do, you little imp?!” 

I nearly jumped when she came closer to speak in my ear, and the tone she used was soft yet seductive.  “Hmmm… For starters, you could prepare what you need to say to my parents…  With the right words, I’m sure you could bowl them over.  Don’t worry, they’re pretty lenient on prospective husbands.” 

“Oh, really?  That’s good to know – ”  Hang on, this didn’t feel right!  “No, stop right there!  Husband?!  Th-That’s not what I wanted to say!  N-Not at all!” 

“It’s cute how your ear’s as red as the rest of your face, Neku.” 

“Whuh…!  I-I’m not – It’s just the heat in the kitchen!” 

Yeah… Looks like I wouldn’t be winning this one either.  Stuck for words, I hurriedly turned away from her and busied myself with fishing out the tempura and laying it on a plate… anything to avoid her cheeky gaze.  Sure, she was putting me out plenty, but in a rose-tinted corner of my mind, what she was suggesting – that we were destined for life – sounded pretty appealing to me.  I was embarrassed for obvious reasons, but at the same time, though I didn’t show it openly, I guess I was pretty happy… 

A gasp escaped from my throat when I felt the warmth of her hugging me from behind, her arms round my neck, and her head on my shoulder.  Ah, she had hugged me like this before, and like back then, it was a good feeling. 

“You’re on candid camera,” she said, smiling. 

“Pulling my leg again, I see,” I sighed.  “I expected as much.” 

“Being the butt of my jokes isn’t such a bad thing, Neku.  Even my pranks are relatively harmless.” 

“I-I’m not saying that it’s bad, Eri.  But if your pranks always involve me getting a nosebleed, can you truly say they’re harmless?” 

“Ha ha ha!” 

Eri had a lot of cheek and little shame.  But… I didn’t really mind.  She should stay just the way she was. 

Now we were back to frying the next batch of tempura.  She seemed to be faring better this time, as there were no more episodes of dodging flying droplets of searing hot oil.  And she also looked happier that she was finally making progress. 

“That’s it,” I encouraged her.  “That’s the way you do it.  Just slip it in nice and easy, and the oil wouldn’t spill all over the place.” 

She was beaming, flushed in accomplishment.  “I  _am_  getting the hang of this.  It’s not exactly second nature, but I’m getting there.” 

Eri was having fun, and so was I.  So, in a sense, even if I were to deny it, we were already like husband and wife.  Oh well, not a bad thing to be sure… 

XOXOXOXOXO 

“Ready for the moment of truth, Eri?” 

“Yes.  Go right ahead.” 

The lesson was over and done with and the time to put my taste buds to work had arrived.  We were now seated at the dining table with a plate full of piping hot, freshly-fried tempura, and as the teacher, it was my duty to give my student the feedback necessary for her growth as a budding cook. 

The tempura rolled around on my tongue, and the slight sweetness of the shrimp contrasted well with the saltiness of the batter.  The result was a light yet fulfilling taste that flowed through every corner of my mouth.  When prepared well, tempura sure was fun to eat.  And it was Eri’s tempura too, so that’s double the pleasure, I guess.  Ahaha…  _guilty_  pleasure, perhaps? 

“It’s a bit burnt,” I said, with an honesty that was gentle, not brutal.  “And I think there might have been a little too much salt.  However, the shrimp itself turned out quite well, so all things considered… not bad for your first try.  Seven out of ten.” 

“Really?”  Her grin had the word victory written all over it.  “Well, what do you know.  Seven out of ten… That’s equivalent to a B, maybe a B+.  Yeah, for a first try, that’s pretty good!” 

“You could use some improvement, but it’s a commendable effort.”  I flashed a kind smile for her.  “And practice makes perfect, so you’d do well to practice making all the dishes I’m going to teach you from here on out.  Don’t be afraid.  Just keep on at it.” 

“If I surpass you one day, can I make you my student?” 

“H-Huh?” 

“And when I’m your Sensei, can I give you… extra lessons?”  She was giggling.  “Broadening your horizons is just as important as self-improvement, you know.  Hee hee.  ‘Oh, Sensei, you mustn’t!’  Something like that?” 

Another dirty joke… “Er, I don’t really get what you’re insinuating.  Besides, it’s time to eat, d-don’t you think?” 

“Yeah, let’s tuck in!” 

Apart from a few pieces which I fried for her to see how it was done, the whole pile of tempura was done by her.  It wasn’t perfect, and I could see the many blemishes in the batter that could only be made by someone who had never cooked once in her life (instant noodles don’t count).  But it was a good try, and seeing her not get discouraged was inspiring. 

She sunk her teeth into a piece and nodded.  “Mmm, you’re right, Neku.  It could use a little improvement in places.  Otherwise, it’s Sensei-tional!”  Cute pun…  “Oh!  And before I forget, thanks for the lesson.  I suddenly feel a whole lot more intelligent.” 

I laughed softly.  She could be so adorable.  “No charge, Eri.  I’ll teach you something else next week, maybe omelettes.  I know it sounds exceedingly simple, and in some ways, it is.  But I feel you need to at least know more of the basics.” 

“Good thinking.  Nice and easy… Oh, Neku?  Just to change topics for a bit, there’s something that I’ve wanted to ask.” 

“What is it?” 

“You said that it’s your aunt who taught you how to cook, right?  I’m just curious… can your mum cook too?  Or your dad… can both of your parents cook?” 

With anyone else, it’d have been a very ordinary question that could be easily answered with a “yes” or “no”.  But in my case, it wasn’t like that.  Some explanation was necessary, but I wasn’t sure if it would be appropriate… 

“…Neku?” 

“Um, to be honest,” I said matter-of-factly, “I don’t have any parents.  My mum and dad have… well, they’re not around anymore.” 

“Huh?!  Oh!  Um…”  She became flustered and stared down at her bowl of rice, totally unlike her cheery self – she did have a serious side to her too.  “I-I’m sorry to hear that.  I… I didn’t mean to dredge up the past…” 

I spoke very gently and did my best to put her at ease.  “Ahaha… no, it’s okay, Eri.  See, they passed away long ago when I was still a very young kid… I was told that I was a toddler at that time.  I essentially grew up without any memories of my parents, so it never really bothered me…” 

“Then… who took care of you?”  She lifted her head slowly, as though still afraid to look at me. 

“My aunt and uncle.  They took me in after my parents died, and they’d been taking care of me all my life, so they’re like my parents, I guess.  …And yes, that’s the very same aunt who taught me how to cook.  Fits together nicely, huh?”  Those last words I spoke in jest in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

“I-It’s hard for me to imagine having no parents,” said a meek-sounding Eri.  “But you’ve got your relatives, so… at least you’re okay.” 

“Were you worried about me?  Heh… thanks.  But I never saw it as an issue or anything from the start, so no problems there.” 

Eri seemed relieved and loosened up.  “Well, I’m glad you’ve got a positive outlook on life.  I mean, sure, it’s not all milk and honey the whole time, but you know what I mean, Neku.” 

“Yeah.” 

“But,” she added, “if ever you feel sad or lonely and you need to pour out your worries to someone or you just need to talk, you just come on over to my house, okay?  I’m only a few houses away from you so I’m always nearby.” 

Whoa, did she just say that?  I knew she cared about me as a friend, but it warmed the heart to know she would always be around to offer me her shoulder to cry on.  Ah… this was the kind of thing true bosom buddies offer to do in a fraction of a heartbeat.  I was the luckiest guy in the world to be so close to such a pretty and wonderful friend!  I wanted so badly to hug her out of gratitude but it wouldn’t be right so I reined in my urges. 

“Hey, thanks, Eri!” I said.  “That’s very nice of you.” 

“If you want to stay over, Neku, you’re most welcome.  It’s the least I can do for letting me stay at your place all those times.” 

“Um… okay, I-I’ll keep that in mind…” 

“And if you’re really really down in the pits, I can strip to cheer you up!” 

I choked and spluttered on my tempura.  “Th-That wouldn’t be necessary, thank you very much!!!” 

So I said, but what she said sure sounded very tempting!  Okay, maybe I should tap into my inner angst-filled emo kid and try my hardest to get depressed!  Then I could pay her a visit, and… nah, maybe not. 

XOXOXOXOXO 

Mealtime was over, cleanup was done, and class was dismissed.  We had a good time, but now it was time for me to head back home.  We were hanging around her doorstep exchanging quick banter before we would part ways for the day. 

“Neku, thanks,” chirped Eri, clasping my arm affectionately.  “The cooking was tough, but I had fun.  I’m looking forward to our next lesson!” 

“Yeah, me too.  Work hard until then, okay?” 

“You betcha!  You can count on me, Sensei!” 

“That I will.”  I had a mild but meaningful smile.  “I’ll give you a gold star for enthusiasm.” 

“Hee hee!  You’re acting just like a real teacher.  Sure brings back memories of school life!” 

“Alright, later, Eri.  Take care.”  As I was turning to leave, she grasped onto my sleeve.  There was something she had to say. 

“Neku, um…!” 

“Yes, Eri?  Do you need something?” 

“Well, no, not really.  But I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re really cool.  Again.”  She scratched the back of her head.  “I just had to say it.” 

Behind the seemingly offhanded manner in which she praised me was a compliment that I knew she had meant straight from the heart.  I just knew.  I knew when Eri wanted to be a prankster and when she could be serious.  And right now, she wasn’t joking.  I could feel my face boiling. 

All I could do was mumble in embarrassment.  “Um… thanks.  B-But I think you’re cooler, Eri…” 

“Because I can actually cook stuff now?” 

“You were already cool to begin with.  Um… and…”  Sometimes I wasn’t good with words and would end up so tongue-tied I either couldn’t say anything or went into all-out verbal diarrhea.  This would happen especially when I was flustered, and right now my nervousness was making my mouth choose to run like water.  “And, well… Y-You’ve always had a knack for understanding people, and… helping your friends with their problems… But I also like how you want to improve yourself and overcome your inabilities, and… and…” 

She held up her hand and laughed softly.  “Neku, I get what you mean.  Don’t sweat it, okay?  And learn to loosen up a little.  Being too high-strung like you always are can’t be good for your health.” 

“Sorry… I’ll try.” 

There was a vacant but soothing silence during which her gaze never left me.  Those one or two seconds were quiet but left a good feeling in me. 

And then she had to say  _that_  and all hell broke loose. 

“So anyway, what you’re trying to say by me being cool,” she said, with a cheeky sideways glance, “is that I’m the one who appears in your sleep whenever you get wet dreams now?  Sweet!” 

I blurted, “Wh-What are you saying?!  I never said that!!!” 

She wasn’t listening and was quickly ramping up the chaos in my head.  “My… It’s really flattering that you think of me like  _that_.  I’m honoured.” 

“What do you mean by ‘ _that_ ’?!” 

“Ha ha ha!  Relax, Neku!  I’m just messin’.  It’s all cool!  And hey, I did tell you to loosen up.”  She patted my arm in an affectionate way. 

“Loosening up is a tall order when your jokes are so over-the-top…” 

“Ha ha ha… Now, now.  You know what they say: laughter is the best medicine.  And it’s so much fun to tease you.  I just can’t help it, though I don’t mean anything bad by that, of course!” 

The storm had finally passed, but the destruction in its wake was still there… “Um… uh-huh… Well, I’ll see you soon.” 

“Thanks again for everything, Neku.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Sweet dreams,” she giggled as she closed the front door.  “And what kind of dreams, you should know by now…” 

“Ugh… Eri…” 

And thus ended Eri’s first cooking lesson.  A pretty eventful day…  After shopping, I fended off her boyfriend, taught her how to cook… And she even joked that I dreamt of her in a less innocent way… Ahaha… That’s not too far off, but… oh man, I bet she was a psychic or something.  Scary. 

But I still felt very happy.  The whole time I was taking the short walk back home, my heart couldn’t stop pounding. 

XOXOXOXOXO

Eri certainly was happy that she was able to start fixing her cooking handicap, bit by bit.  She had enthusiasm that surprisingly rivaled even mine and she was really getting into the swing of things.  This little setback wouldn’t faze her.  I knew her long enough to know that, despite her laid-back attitude towards life in general, she was strong-willed, the type to see something through.  She would try again. 

And she did.  In fact, she appeared at my doorstep a few days later with a broad smile on her face and a platter full of shrimp tempura in her hands. 

The sight of her startled me, however.  “Eri?  What happened?  You’re out of breath…” 

She calmed her aching lungs long enough to be able to communicate, though she was still panting painfully.  “I was cooking tempura just minutes earlier, Neku.  And I think I may have perfected the recipe by myself!” 

“Wow, really?”  That got me curious.  What did she manage to achieve? 

Her excitement was growing harder to contain.  “Yeah, really truly absolutely.  I took a bite, and then I was like ‘Eureka’!  I’ve done it!  The tempura I’ve just made is the ideal version!  So I rushed out of my house and came all the way over here just so you could have a taste.” 

“Y-You rushed out still wearing your apron?  And carrying a platter at that?” 

“Ahaha, yeah.  I didn’t care that people were looking as I ran down the street.  I mean, your house is only a short jog away.” 

Eri was weirder than I thought… “Oh well, since you brought it all the way here, come on in, and I’ll take a bite to evaluate your work.” 

“Please do!” 

The atmosphere was tense.  I sat on one side of the dining table.  Eri sat on the opposite side, facing me.  Between the two of us, was the platter of tempura she had so willingly bothered to bring along.  Her tempura didn’t look any different from last Saturday’s batch except that it wasn’t as burnt.  I trusted that she was diligent enough to improve on her cooking skills so I was pretty confident this wouldn’t be too shabby. 

I just wished she wouldn’t stare at me so intently like that with all those imaginary sparkles hanging around her… I knew she was curious about how her latest culinary effort turned out, but… it’s really unnerving. 

But time and tide wait for no man, and neither does Eri.  So I picked up a piece and into the trap it went. 

Hmmm?!  Th-This taste…! 

“I’ll be real honest with you, Eri,” I said. 

Suddenly she didn’t seem so eager.  “Er, y-yes?  Go on… I don’t mind.  If it sucks, you’ve got to tell me, okay?  I don’t want to be stuck cooking poorly my whole life!” 

“I know.  And I’m glad you understand.  If you claim you can handle the truth, I’ll just come right out and say it.” 

Eri nodded. 

I said, “You tried tweaking with the recipe a bit, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah.  I figured there was something I could add and stuff, so I did.  I thought I’d experiment and see where I wind up.” 

“It’s good that you’re exploring new territory without my help,” I praised.  “You increased the amount of pepper in the batter, and you marinated the shrimp beforehand… overnight, I presume?” 

“Wow, how did you know?” she gasped in awe.  “No wonder you’re an awesome cook.  Actually, I asked my college buddies for advice, and that’s what they told me to do.  So I did what they said and this is the result.” 

“I actually like the flavour.  It fills the mouth with this aroma and gives the old tempura recipe a fresh edge.  Good work, Eri.” 

“Really?!”  Her face was flushed with joy.  “Aw, gee!  Thanks!” 

“There’s just one thing.” 

“Huh?  Oh, go ahead.  What is it?” 

“…It’s… too… spicy…” 

I made a beeline for the kitchen sink and gulped down water from the tap like there was no tomorrow.  My throat, my tongue, everywhere inside my mouth it was on fire.  Eri panicked. 

“Is it  _that_  hot, Neku?!” she yelped.  “I-I’m sorry!  I tasted it and I thought it was just right…  I wasn’t trying to murder you for giving me low grades on my cooking, honest!  I’m innocent!  But man, I’m surprised you could talk normally and hold it in for this long!” 

“I… I guess you… can take… spicy stuff,” I panted.  “That… can’t be a bad… thing.  But ordinary humans like me… can’t handle it…  And… for the record, your cooking… isn’t that… bad… And I wouldn’t say… that 7/10… is a low grade…” 

“I-I’ll be sure to alter the recipe and add less Tabasco sauce, so don’t die on me, okay?!” 

“Wh – I’m not… going to die!  Wait… you added… Tabasco sauce?!” 

Ah… my poor singed tongue… It wasn’t easy being Eri’s mentor.  Well, at least she was working hard. 

XOXOXOXOXO 

For the record, she did eventually get it just right, and when I last give it a shot, it was satisfyingly spicy without being a burden on the taste buds.  And so Shrimp Tempura a la Eri was born.  How happy she was to know that she had finally conquered the challenge of tempura! 

But the next day after that, her Facebook account was flooded with photos of the shrimp tempura she made by herself.  Fresh in the afterglow of personal victory, she must have been so happy and excited over her achievements that in the space of one day she had uploaded seventy-two such photos.  In her profile she added this line, “Thanks to my awesome friend Neku, I can make shrimp tempura now, w00t!!!” 

Ah, and did I mention?  When next Saturday came around and I paid her a visit to teach her how to make omelettes… smack dab on the wall in her living room was a framed photograph of her beloved dish.  And it was signed and autographed by Eri herself, with the words, “Dedicated to my Sensei XOXO”. 

I knew she was proud of herself, but… 

At least it was nice to be so openly appreciated.  And whenever I saw that photograph and its attached message, it never failed to make me blush.  After all, she did call me “ _my_ Sensei”…


End file.
